Sacrifice and giving of ourselves are essential to Biblical love.
John 3:16 - God gave His Son because He loves us.
Luke 10:25-37 - The good Samaritan illustrated love by giving time, effort, concern, and even money for the wellbeing of another.
1 John 3:16-18 - We imitate the example of Jesus and show our love for others by giving what they need, not just by claiming to have love.
A. Children Need Our Time and Attention.
Too many children are simply neglected.
Too many children are unattended ("latch-key children"), roam the neighborhood, or go to day-care or baby-sitters day after day, simply because the parents are busy doing other things. Many misbehave because they are starved for attention and just want the parents to notice them. Other children may seem well behaved, but they never serve God faithfully because their parents never take the time to teach them God's ways.
Some parents are too involved in recreation, entertainment, or social activities to take the time to care, love, and guide their children. Many families rarely play together, work together, worship and pray together, and may not even eat together. We must spend time with children to answer their questions, listen to their problems, and give them guidance and instruction.
Fathers specifically should take time for their children.
Fathers are often too wrapped up in jobs or personal interests. We must provide a livable income (1 Tim. 5:8). But again, the goal is to raise godly children. What does it profit to provide physical necessities and luxuries, if our children do not grow up to serve God faithfully (Matt. 16:26)?
Fathers should make a point to eat meals with the whole family every day. They should take time to play with their children and study with their children and work with their children.
Many fathers realize too late that their priorities were wrong, but by then the children are gone and it is too late to establish a relationship with them. What sacrifices are you making to give your children the time and attention they need?
B. Specifically, Children Need a Full-time Mother.
This is God's plan, and anything less is less than satisfactory. Granted there may be emergency situations where the father is unavoidably unable to provide even basic necessities, and the mother may need to leave the home temporarily to help out. But this is never a good situation and should be changed as soon as possible.
Psalm 113:9
God blesses a woman by giving her a home and making her a joyful mother of children. Motherhood is a cause for joy. Praise God for it! No profession is more valuable, more needed, or more fulfilling. Yes, it is frustrating and tedious at times, but so is man's work.
1 Timothy 5:14
Young widows should marry, bear children, and guide the house. Woman was created to protect unborn children, give them birth, and then nourish them. This creates a unique bond between her and her child that no one else can ever replace. She is uniquely suited both physically and emotionally for the care of children. When she marries and has children, her work is at home caring for her family.
Many parents have accepted the false arguments of "Women's Liberation." They think children won't suffer if the mother leaves to take a job away from home. Yet often the result is that children spend many hours unattended or at day-care. And then when mother is home, she is too tired or too busy catching up on housework to spend time with the children.
Titus 2:4,5
Young women should be taught to love their husbands and children and be "workers at home" (ASV), "homemakers" (NKJV), "keepers at home" (KJV). The mother's work is "at home," and her work is to keep or care for the home (family). Note that love for her family should motivate her to do this work. Her family needs her time and attention, and she thereby fulfills the purpose for her creation. [See also Prov. 31:27; 7:11.]
Many Bible examples show men laboring away from home to provide income for the family: carpenters, shepherds, farmers, physicians, fishermen, etc. But the mother's work is at home caring for the family. There is simply no one who can fully replace her.
Question: How many of the responsibilities in vv 4,5 may a woman hire someone else to take over for her, while she chooses to do something else instead? May she hire someone else to love her husband, be discreet, chaste, or obedient to her husband, while she chooses to do something else? The idea is absurd!
We may pay people to provide secondary assistance by doing some specific task under our supervision (paint a room or provide health care or some specific instruction). But why have many come to believe that a woman may hire other people to take over supervising her household or take over the care of her children hour after hour, day after day, while she chooses to work a secular job? Is that what God intended when He inspired this passage?
John 10:11-14
Jesus contrasts a hireling to a shepherd who owns the sheep. The owner will give his life for the sheep, because he cares for them. The hireling does not have the same commitment or care and will not make the same sacrifices for the good of the sheep. Note the principle: a hireling will give inferior care and will not make the same sacrifices, because the sheep do not belong to him.
If this principle applies to sheep, how much more so to children who are of much greater value than sheep? To hire other people to raise children in the parents' place puts the children under inferior care. Even if the "hireling" is a Christian, she does not have the natural attachment and sense of care that the children's own mother ought to have. If a woman has properly learned to "love her children," why would she choose to put them under inferior care while she does some other job? How can that be harmonized with love?
Again, there may be emergencies where the father is incapacitated or otherwise unable to provide. But isn't it true that many mothers simply choose to work away from home, while other people take care of their children? Doesn't this often mean that children do not receive the training and instruction they need, many end up having serious moral problems, and many simply never do serve God faithfully? Isn't this a major cause of family problems in our society?
Parents simply must realize that raising children takes much time - quantity time and "quality" time. We must take the time to be with them and teach them. They must know that we are available when they need us and that we are willing to spend time with them. This will require parents to love their children enough to make sacrifices of time and of material prosperity.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
III. Determine Rules and Punishments for the Child's Good.
A. Make Rules for the Good of the Whole Group.
Children sometimes think that being a parent means you get to do whatever you want. This is a misunderstanding, but could it be that their parents' conduct gave them that idea?
1 Corinthians 13:3 - Love does not seek its own; it is not selfish. Love motivates us to do, not what we want, but what is best for the whole group.
Listen to the child and consider his view as you make decisions that affect the child. This is also a matter of love - doing to others as we would want them to do to us (Matt. 7:12).
One of the surest ways to discourage a child (Col. 3:21) is to act selfishly and unjustly toward him, using our authority unreasonably for our personal pleasure. This does not mean the child should just have his way. That is not good for him or for anyone in the group. There must be rules, and rules must be enforced. But they must be made for the good of all.
B. Exercise Punishment for the Good of the Child.
Some "authorities" claim that all punishment is inherently unloving. One says that, whenever punishment occurs, parents have forsaken "the positive feelings of love and understanding" (The Complete Book of Mothercraft via Plain Truth about Child Rearing, p. 58). This conclusion is false, but if parents aren't careful it can be true.
Hebrews 12:5-11 - God's chastisement of His people illustrates a father's discipline of his children. God chastens those He loves. This is for our profit and yields good fruit. Properly done, chastening is an act of love that benefits those who receive it.
Proverbs 13:24 - He who spares the rod hates his son. One who loves will chasten (use the rod) when needed. (Cf. Prov. 23:13,14.)
The child needs to learn to act properly and respect authority. This will give him a much better life as an adult. We will discuss spanking and punishment later, but the point here is to remember to punish in love for the child's good.
C. Consider Some Specific Guidelines Regarding Making Rules and Punishing in Love
These involve personal judgment but are generally valid.
Never use your authority to get personal vengeance on a child.
Sometimes parents punish simply because they have been inconvenienced or embarrassed by the child. For example, suppose the child interrupts the parent from a pleasant activity or uses a bad word in front of the parent's friends. The child may need to be punished, but are we motivated by concern for the child, or are we acting from selfish reasons?
Never punish the child in a fit of uncontrolled anger.
Not all anger is sinful, nor it is wrong to punish a child in anger. God has often punished people in anger. But anger must be controlled (Eph. 4:26).
Sometimes parents beat a child (or worse) in a fit of rage. Others yell, scream, clench their teeth, and lose control. Such parents are not likely to act for the child's good.
Usually the solution is to punish the child before the parent loses his temper, while he is still in control.
Never use authority just to satisfy a desire for power.
Some parents seem to dominate children just to prove that they are boss, to satisfy their ego, or to impress their friends. Like tyrants or dictators they get a thrill from controlling others.
Parents who use authority in unloving ways are wrong, first because they have disobeyed God's law of love, second because they unnecessarily discourage their children, and third because they are not likely to gain the child's respect and obedience.
When you make rules or punish your child, are you acting in love for your child's good?
Children sometimes think that being a parent means you get to do whatever you want. This is a misunderstanding, but could it be that their parents' conduct gave them that idea?
1 Corinthians 13:3 - Love does not seek its own; it is not selfish. Love motivates us to do, not what we want, but what is best for the whole group.
Listen to the child and consider his view as you make decisions that affect the child. This is also a matter of love - doing to others as we would want them to do to us (Matt. 7:12).
One of the surest ways to discourage a child (Col. 3:21) is to act selfishly and unjustly toward him, using our authority unreasonably for our personal pleasure. This does not mean the child should just have his way. That is not good for him or for anyone in the group. There must be rules, and rules must be enforced. But they must be made for the good of all.
B. Exercise Punishment for the Good of the Child.
Some "authorities" claim that all punishment is inherently unloving. One says that, whenever punishment occurs, parents have forsaken "the positive feelings of love and understanding" (The Complete Book of Mothercraft via Plain Truth about Child Rearing, p. 58). This conclusion is false, but if parents aren't careful it can be true.
Hebrews 12:5-11 - God's chastisement of His people illustrates a father's discipline of his children. God chastens those He loves. This is for our profit and yields good fruit. Properly done, chastening is an act of love that benefits those who receive it.
Proverbs 13:24 - He who spares the rod hates his son. One who loves will chasten (use the rod) when needed. (Cf. Prov. 23:13,14.)
The child needs to learn to act properly and respect authority. This will give him a much better life as an adult. We will discuss spanking and punishment later, but the point here is to remember to punish in love for the child's good.
C. Consider Some Specific Guidelines Regarding Making Rules and Punishing in Love
These involve personal judgment but are generally valid.
Never use your authority to get personal vengeance on a child.
Sometimes parents punish simply because they have been inconvenienced or embarrassed by the child. For example, suppose the child interrupts the parent from a pleasant activity or uses a bad word in front of the parent's friends. The child may need to be punished, but are we motivated by concern for the child, or are we acting from selfish reasons?
Never punish the child in a fit of uncontrolled anger.
Not all anger is sinful, nor it is wrong to punish a child in anger. God has often punished people in anger. But anger must be controlled (Eph. 4:26).
Sometimes parents beat a child (or worse) in a fit of rage. Others yell, scream, clench their teeth, and lose control. Such parents are not likely to act for the child's good.
Usually the solution is to punish the child before the parent loses his temper, while he is still in control.
Never use authority just to satisfy a desire for power.
Some parents seem to dominate children just to prove that they are boss, to satisfy their ego, or to impress their friends. Like tyrants or dictators they get a thrill from controlling others.
Parents who use authority in unloving ways are wrong, first because they have disobeyed God's law of love, second because they unnecessarily discourage their children, and third because they are not likely to gain the child's respect and obedience.
When you make rules or punish your child, are you acting in love for your child's good?
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Key #3: Love
The relation of parents to children must be characterized by love.
Matthew 22:37-40 - The greatest two commands are to love God and love our neighbor. The basis of any good relationship is love, because love leads us to seek the wellbeing of others. It leads us to do what is best for others (1 Corinthians 13:4,5).
Love is not always easy and pleasant; sometimes parents need "tough love." Let us consider what love leads parents to do and what it leads them to not do.
I. Begin by Loving One Another.
To have the proper loving family for their children, husband and wife need to start by loving one another.
A. Love Enough to Stay Together.
Matthew 19:9 - Surely love should lead husband and wife to be faithful to their marriage covenant. Neither should want their marriage to end. Children deserve the security of knowing their home will always be there.
Modern hedonistic society defends divorce by saying the children will soon get over it, and they may be better off. Parents think, "I can't make my children happy if I'm not happy, but I'll never be happy in this marriage." But this is selfishness, not love.
Divorce is incredibly traumatic to children, leaving scars for life. What troubled marriages need is not divorce but to learn to get along.
B. Love Enough to Learn to Treat One Another Right.
It isn't enough just for parents to stay together; they also need to love and treat one another right.
Titus 2:4,5 - Young women should learn to love their husbands and children. Love for children is associated with love for ones spouse. In fact, you cannot truly do either one without the other.
Ephesians 5:25,28,29,33 - The husband must love his wife as Christ loved the church and as he loves himself. Love her enough to provide for her, cherish her, and care for her as surely as you do yourself.
Notice that these passages teach that love can be learned. Biblical love does not always come naturally. Parents should have a natural affection toward one another and toward their children, but natural attraction itself does not always lead us to do what is best. Biblical love leads us to learn God's will for the family, then it motivates us to do it.
C. Love Enough to Show Affection.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 - Husband and wife should not deprive one another but give "the affection due" to one another. Context shows this includes especially sexual love, but there is a lot more to affection than that.
Husband and wife need to speak and act affectionately. Intimacy should be kept private, but children should never doubt that their parents love one another.
Do you love your wife/husband? If not, then repent and learn to love (previous point). Did you hug and kiss and hold hands when you were first married? Then what's so hard about it now? If you do love, then say so and show it! Your spouse needs to know it and your children need to know it.
Many children say, "I've never seen my parents hug and kiss." Or, "I've never heard my parents say they love one another." Why not? Would your children say that?
Children need to be raised in an atmosphere of love and good will. A pattern of fussing and fighting between parents leads to insecurity and fear for the children. And often the children will imitate that disruptive behavior in their own families when they marry.
On the other hand, when parents establish a pattern of stating and expressing affection, children have a sense of security and they learn the importance of showing affection in their own families.
The first and most basic aspect of love that any parents need is to learn to love one another. Their love for the children should follow from this.
II. Encourage Children Whenever Possible.
Colossians 3:21 warns us not to provoke our children to discouragement. This is also part of love. Just as love leads us to do good toward our spouse, it should then lead us to do good for our children.
There is a danger that we might be too lax and not require proper obedience. But there is also a danger that we may continually belittle the child till we make him feel worthless. Consider some specific concerns.
A. Avoid Humor that Frustrates, Discourages, or Angers.
Humor is good, and can be valuable in dealing with children. But humor is only good if everyone enjoys it and no one gets hurt by it. Humor that hurts other people's feelings is poor humor and violates the principle of love.
And remember that children are more sensitive at certain ages than at other ages. Things that may not bother us or other children at all, may yet really hurt a particular child at certain stages.
B. Avoid Belittling Childish Mistakes.
This especially hurts the child when done in the presence of others and most especially in front of his friends. If a mistake needs correcting, do it in a way that shows the child you still love him.
And don't bring up a child's past mistakes and embarrass him in the presence of others. If the child can genuinely join in the humor, fine. But if you discourage him and make him feel inferior, what good have you accomplished?
C. Set Your Expectations Within Reach of the Child's Ability.
Too many parents expect perfection or achievements that are simply beyond the child at his best. Some parents demand things the child can't accomplish till he is older. Others compare him to other children who may simply possess abilities this child lacks. ("Susie got straight 'A's,' why can't you?")
D. Express Appreciation for Accomplishments.
Some parents constantly criticize and complain, but rarely give praise. We should challenge children to do their best. But many abilities just develop later in life than many parents expect. If a child makes a sincere effort but just receives criticism instead of praise, he will become discouraged and quit trying: "What's the use? I'll never please them anyway."
Read Col. 3:21 again.
We should not build our lives around our children or grant their every whim. But neither should we destroy their sense of worth by being indifferent to their feelings.
Do you treat your children in a way that makes them feel they are loved and appreciated?
Matthew 22:37-40 - The greatest two commands are to love God and love our neighbor. The basis of any good relationship is love, because love leads us to seek the wellbeing of others. It leads us to do what is best for others (1 Corinthians 13:4,5).
Love is not always easy and pleasant; sometimes parents need "tough love." Let us consider what love leads parents to do and what it leads them to not do.
I. Begin by Loving One Another.
To have the proper loving family for their children, husband and wife need to start by loving one another.
A. Love Enough to Stay Together.
Matthew 19:9 - Surely love should lead husband and wife to be faithful to their marriage covenant. Neither should want their marriage to end. Children deserve the security of knowing their home will always be there.
Modern hedonistic society defends divorce by saying the children will soon get over it, and they may be better off. Parents think, "I can't make my children happy if I'm not happy, but I'll never be happy in this marriage." But this is selfishness, not love.
Divorce is incredibly traumatic to children, leaving scars for life. What troubled marriages need is not divorce but to learn to get along.
B. Love Enough to Learn to Treat One Another Right.
It isn't enough just for parents to stay together; they also need to love and treat one another right.
Titus 2:4,5 - Young women should learn to love their husbands and children. Love for children is associated with love for ones spouse. In fact, you cannot truly do either one without the other.
Ephesians 5:25,28,29,33 - The husband must love his wife as Christ loved the church and as he loves himself. Love her enough to provide for her, cherish her, and care for her as surely as you do yourself.
Notice that these passages teach that love can be learned. Biblical love does not always come naturally. Parents should have a natural affection toward one another and toward their children, but natural attraction itself does not always lead us to do what is best. Biblical love leads us to learn God's will for the family, then it motivates us to do it.
C. Love Enough to Show Affection.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 - Husband and wife should not deprive one another but give "the affection due" to one another. Context shows this includes especially sexual love, but there is a lot more to affection than that.
Husband and wife need to speak and act affectionately. Intimacy should be kept private, but children should never doubt that their parents love one another.
Do you love your wife/husband? If not, then repent and learn to love (previous point). Did you hug and kiss and hold hands when you were first married? Then what's so hard about it now? If you do love, then say so and show it! Your spouse needs to know it and your children need to know it.
Many children say, "I've never seen my parents hug and kiss." Or, "I've never heard my parents say they love one another." Why not? Would your children say that?
Children need to be raised in an atmosphere of love and good will. A pattern of fussing and fighting between parents leads to insecurity and fear for the children. And often the children will imitate that disruptive behavior in their own families when they marry.
On the other hand, when parents establish a pattern of stating and expressing affection, children have a sense of security and they learn the importance of showing affection in their own families.
The first and most basic aspect of love that any parents need is to learn to love one another. Their love for the children should follow from this.
II. Encourage Children Whenever Possible.
Colossians 3:21 warns us not to provoke our children to discouragement. This is also part of love. Just as love leads us to do good toward our spouse, it should then lead us to do good for our children.
There is a danger that we might be too lax and not require proper obedience. But there is also a danger that we may continually belittle the child till we make him feel worthless. Consider some specific concerns.
A. Avoid Humor that Frustrates, Discourages, or Angers.
Humor is good, and can be valuable in dealing with children. But humor is only good if everyone enjoys it and no one gets hurt by it. Humor that hurts other people's feelings is poor humor and violates the principle of love.
And remember that children are more sensitive at certain ages than at other ages. Things that may not bother us or other children at all, may yet really hurt a particular child at certain stages.
B. Avoid Belittling Childish Mistakes.
This especially hurts the child when done in the presence of others and most especially in front of his friends. If a mistake needs correcting, do it in a way that shows the child you still love him.
And don't bring up a child's past mistakes and embarrass him in the presence of others. If the child can genuinely join in the humor, fine. But if you discourage him and make him feel inferior, what good have you accomplished?
C. Set Your Expectations Within Reach of the Child's Ability.
Too many parents expect perfection or achievements that are simply beyond the child at his best. Some parents demand things the child can't accomplish till he is older. Others compare him to other children who may simply possess abilities this child lacks. ("Susie got straight 'A's,' why can't you?")
D. Express Appreciation for Accomplishments.
Some parents constantly criticize and complain, but rarely give praise. We should challenge children to do their best. But many abilities just develop later in life than many parents expect. If a child makes a sincere effort but just receives criticism instead of praise, he will become discouraged and quit trying: "What's the use? I'll never please them anyway."
Read Col. 3:21 again.
We should not build our lives around our children or grant their every whim. But neither should we destroy their sense of worth by being indifferent to their feelings.
Do you treat your children in a way that makes them feel they are loved and appreciated?
Monday, November 3, 2008
II. The Importance of Following the Proper Authority
How do we develop a good plan? Where do we go for guidance? Many people think it is impossible to know the best way to raise children. Is there a sure guide? Can we know the best way?
A. We Must Not Rely on Human Theories.
Many parents follow human authorities.
Many sources profess to offer parents advice, and many parents accept this advice: psychologists, sociologists, government officials, social agencies, and other child-raising experts.
Other parents just raise their children the way their own parents raised them. This may be done knowingly, but often it is done without thinking. We just naturally treat our children according to what we are familiar with - we act the way we saw our parents act. This amounts to accepting their own parents as the best authority for how to raise children.
Notice that these are all human authorities. Humans are fallible and often make mistakes, so it is reasonable that many of their theories do not work. This is especially true if our goal is to raise godly children.
Remember the Bible warnings about following human authority.
Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.
Jeremiah 10:23 - The way of man is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his own steps. No man is as wise as God, so no one by human wisdom alone can know how to please God. This includes all child-raising experts. If they don't follow God's guidance, they cannot tell us how to raise godly children.
1 Corinthians 1:19-21; 2:4,5 - In matters of godliness and righteousness, we must follow divine wisdom, not human wisdom. This does not mean human advice is always wrong. Sometimes people give advice that agrees with the Bible. But it is always wrong whenever it disagrees with the Bible.
Christians generally know we must not depart from God's pattern to follow human theories for worship, salvation, the church, etc. But raising children is a God-given command and obligation just as surely as are these other areas. When human ideas differ from God's word, we have no more right to follow them in raising children than in any of these other areas.
We are at war with forces of evil that lead people astray from God's will both in the church and in the home. We can no more defeat the forces of evil by following human wisdom in the home than we can in the church!
[Matthew 15:9,13; Galatians 1:8,9; 2 John 9-11; Colossians 3:17; Proverbs 3:5,6; Revelation 22:18,19; 1 Timothy 1:3; 2 Timothy 1:13]
B. The Bible Is God's Guide for Raising Godly Children.
2 Timothy 3:16,17 - Raising godly children is a good work, and the Scriptures instruct us in righteousness and equip us for good works.
Joshua 1:8 - Joshua prospered in the work God gave Him when he followed God's word, not departing from it to the right or left. Likewise we will prosper in the work God gives us if we follow His word.
The Scriptures often compare God's relationship to His children to a father's relationship to his earthly children (Matt. 7:9-11; Heb. 12:5-11). This is why the term "father" is used both for God and for an earthly parent. It follows that parents can learn many things about our role by observing the example of God our Father in His dealings with us. We will often use His example as a source of guidance in these studies.
Makers of cars and appliances provide their customers with operator's manuals to show how to use the equipment successfully. So the Maker of the family has given us a book of instructions for the family. Does it make sense to follow the ideas of fallible humans, rather than the wisdom of the all-wise God who created both us and families?
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. We do not need to be constantly confused about how to raise children. We can have the strength and guidance we need, but not through human wisdom. We must turn to Jesus.
[Deuteronomy 18:18-22; Psalm 19:7-9; 33:4; 119:128,142,160; John 17:17; Titus 1:2,3; Revelation 19:9; 21:5]
C. Observe and Learn from Winning Parents
While the Bible is the standard, other people who know and follow that standard can help us learn it.
Hebrews 6:12 - Imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.
Titus 2:3-5 - Older women should teach the younger women how to love their children and be homemakers.
Years ago Karen and I observed that many parents were glad to advise us how to raise our children. But we saw very few - even very few Christians - who themselves were doing a really good job with their own children. Many will say that you are too strict, that spanking won't work, that you should conform to the choices others make about how to educate children, etc.
So before you accept advice, evaluate it by God's standard. And then ask how successful these givers of advice have been with their own children. Are their children obedient and respectful? Do their children know God's will, become Christians when they become accountable, and live faithful Christian lives? In short, do you see evidence that their children are turning out the way you want yours to?
The parents to imitate are those who are successful, not those who fail!
D. Father and Mother Should Discuss Their Plan and Agree.
Both the father and the mother must be involved in raising the children.
Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers are told to bring up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1 - Children should be obedient to both parents.
Proverbs 1:8 - Mothers also have authority over their children.
To achieve their goal as parents and to avoid provoking children to discouragement, the father and mother must work together. Family rules must be consistent. This requires discussion and agreement.
The best time to make these plans is before problems arise. A couple should discuss their principles and beliefs about child raising even before they marry. Then they should continue to talk about what their rules will be and how they will handle problems. Then when specific problems arise, they can handle them quickly and confidently.
E. The Plan Must Be Accompanied by Prayer.
It is not enough just to recognize that the Bible is God's will. We must study and use its teachings as the basis for our plan for raising children. And we must pray diligently for wisdom and for God's blessings on our plans.
James 1:5 - We need to pray for wisdom. This wisdom will come as we study God's word. But we must diligently pray that we will be able to apply His word properly for the good of our children. [Heb. 5:14]
1 Chronicles 29:19 - David prayed for God to give his son Solomon a loyal heart to keep God's commandments. We should imitate this practice: Pray for each of your children each day by name, and ask God to strengthen them.
A young man who had gotten into serious trouble was asked about his upbringing. One thing he said was, "I can't remember ever hearing my parents pray for me."
You can learn from my mistake here. All my married life I have prayed every day for my wife and each of my children by name, but I never named them when I led a prayer in their presence. Your children need and deserve your prayers, and they need to know you name them in prayer.
Paul prayed diligently for other Christians and told them he was praying for them. Surely our children deserve at least that much from us.
Do you have a plan for raising your children, a plan based on God's word and prayer?
Conclusion
Too many parents let their own children manipulate them. "I just don't know what to do with them." We need to learn to out-think our children. Our duty as parents requires us to study God's word and apply it so we know how to raise godly children.
The Devil often defeats us, not because it is impossible for us to defeat him, but because we are not fighting him effectively. We either are not aware of the danger, or else we are simply too indifferent to fight. By the time we realize our mistake, it is often too late. But we can win the battle, if we follow God's will and prayerfully develop a plan based on the principles it teaches.
For each child, you only have one chance to raise him/her properly, and that opportunity will so quickly be gone. When one is almost grown, it is too late to go back and start over if you haven't done it right. To succeed, we need a plan based, not on human wisdom, but on prayerful study and application of God's will.
Do you have a plan for raising your children? Is your plan based on God's word? How often do you discuss with your spouse the principles on which you act? How diligent are you in your effort to fight Satan and his evil influences on your children?
A. We Must Not Rely on Human Theories.
Many parents follow human authorities.
Many sources profess to offer parents advice, and many parents accept this advice: psychologists, sociologists, government officials, social agencies, and other child-raising experts.
Other parents just raise their children the way their own parents raised them. This may be done knowingly, but often it is done without thinking. We just naturally treat our children according to what we are familiar with - we act the way we saw our parents act. This amounts to accepting their own parents as the best authority for how to raise children.
Notice that these are all human authorities. Humans are fallible and often make mistakes, so it is reasonable that many of their theories do not work. This is especially true if our goal is to raise godly children.
Remember the Bible warnings about following human authority.
Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.
Jeremiah 10:23 - The way of man is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his own steps. No man is as wise as God, so no one by human wisdom alone can know how to please God. This includes all child-raising experts. If they don't follow God's guidance, they cannot tell us how to raise godly children.
1 Corinthians 1:19-21; 2:4,5 - In matters of godliness and righteousness, we must follow divine wisdom, not human wisdom. This does not mean human advice is always wrong. Sometimes people give advice that agrees with the Bible. But it is always wrong whenever it disagrees with the Bible.
Christians generally know we must not depart from God's pattern to follow human theories for worship, salvation, the church, etc. But raising children is a God-given command and obligation just as surely as are these other areas. When human ideas differ from God's word, we have no more right to follow them in raising children than in any of these other areas.
We are at war with forces of evil that lead people astray from God's will both in the church and in the home. We can no more defeat the forces of evil by following human wisdom in the home than we can in the church!
[Matthew 15:9,13; Galatians 1:8,9; 2 John 9-11; Colossians 3:17; Proverbs 3:5,6; Revelation 22:18,19; 1 Timothy 1:3; 2 Timothy 1:13]
B. The Bible Is God's Guide for Raising Godly Children.
2 Timothy 3:16,17 - Raising godly children is a good work, and the Scriptures instruct us in righteousness and equip us for good works.
Joshua 1:8 - Joshua prospered in the work God gave Him when he followed God's word, not departing from it to the right or left. Likewise we will prosper in the work God gives us if we follow His word.
The Scriptures often compare God's relationship to His children to a father's relationship to his earthly children (Matt. 7:9-11; Heb. 12:5-11). This is why the term "father" is used both for God and for an earthly parent. It follows that parents can learn many things about our role by observing the example of God our Father in His dealings with us. We will often use His example as a source of guidance in these studies.
Makers of cars and appliances provide their customers with operator's manuals to show how to use the equipment successfully. So the Maker of the family has given us a book of instructions for the family. Does it make sense to follow the ideas of fallible humans, rather than the wisdom of the all-wise God who created both us and families?
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. We do not need to be constantly confused about how to raise children. We can have the strength and guidance we need, but not through human wisdom. We must turn to Jesus.
[Deuteronomy 18:18-22; Psalm 19:7-9; 33:4; 119:128,142,160; John 17:17; Titus 1:2,3; Revelation 19:9; 21:5]
C. Observe and Learn from Winning Parents
While the Bible is the standard, other people who know and follow that standard can help us learn it.
Hebrews 6:12 - Imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.
Titus 2:3-5 - Older women should teach the younger women how to love their children and be homemakers.
Years ago Karen and I observed that many parents were glad to advise us how to raise our children. But we saw very few - even very few Christians - who themselves were doing a really good job with their own children. Many will say that you are too strict, that spanking won't work, that you should conform to the choices others make about how to educate children, etc.
So before you accept advice, evaluate it by God's standard. And then ask how successful these givers of advice have been with their own children. Are their children obedient and respectful? Do their children know God's will, become Christians when they become accountable, and live faithful Christian lives? In short, do you see evidence that their children are turning out the way you want yours to?
The parents to imitate are those who are successful, not those who fail!
D. Father and Mother Should Discuss Their Plan and Agree.
Both the father and the mother must be involved in raising the children.
Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers are told to bring up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1 - Children should be obedient to both parents.
Proverbs 1:8 - Mothers also have authority over their children.
To achieve their goal as parents and to avoid provoking children to discouragement, the father and mother must work together. Family rules must be consistent. This requires discussion and agreement.
The best time to make these plans is before problems arise. A couple should discuss their principles and beliefs about child raising even before they marry. Then they should continue to talk about what their rules will be and how they will handle problems. Then when specific problems arise, they can handle them quickly and confidently.
E. The Plan Must Be Accompanied by Prayer.
It is not enough just to recognize that the Bible is God's will. We must study and use its teachings as the basis for our plan for raising children. And we must pray diligently for wisdom and for God's blessings on our plans.
James 1:5 - We need to pray for wisdom. This wisdom will come as we study God's word. But we must diligently pray that we will be able to apply His word properly for the good of our children. [Heb. 5:14]
1 Chronicles 29:19 - David prayed for God to give his son Solomon a loyal heart to keep God's commandments. We should imitate this practice: Pray for each of your children each day by name, and ask God to strengthen them.
A young man who had gotten into serious trouble was asked about his upbringing. One thing he said was, "I can't remember ever hearing my parents pray for me."
You can learn from my mistake here. All my married life I have prayed every day for my wife and each of my children by name, but I never named them when I led a prayer in their presence. Your children need and deserve your prayers, and they need to know you name them in prayer.
Paul prayed diligently for other Christians and told them he was praying for them. Surely our children deserve at least that much from us.
Do you have a plan for raising your children, a plan based on God's word and prayer?
Conclusion
Too many parents let their own children manipulate them. "I just don't know what to do with them." We need to learn to out-think our children. Our duty as parents requires us to study God's word and apply it so we know how to raise godly children.
The Devil often defeats us, not because it is impossible for us to defeat him, but because we are not fighting him effectively. We either are not aware of the danger, or else we are simply too indifferent to fight. By the time we realize our mistake, it is often too late. But we can win the battle, if we follow God's will and prayerfully develop a plan based on the principles it teaches.
For each child, you only have one chance to raise him/her properly, and that opportunity will so quickly be gone. When one is almost grown, it is too late to go back and start over if you haven't done it right. To succeed, we need a plan based, not on human wisdom, but on prayerful study and application of God's will.
Do you have a plan for raising your children? Is your plan based on God's word? How often do you discuss with your spouse the principles on which you act? How diligent are you in your effort to fight Satan and his evil influences on your children?
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Key #2: Planning- Part 1
When our children were small, L. A. Stauffer gave us this advice about raising children: "Just keep thinking and you'll be all right." This oversimplifies, but it shows that being a good parent requires thought and planning.
I. The Importance of a Good Plan
A. Every Important Work Needs to Be Planned.
If we wish to succeed in any important, difficult endeavor, first we must determine our goal. Then we must develop a plan for reaching our goal.
Planning is important in everyday life.
* If a business is to succeed, it must have a goal and a plan for reaching that goal.
* In building a house, one must have a blueprint to follow.
* Consider the years of planning needed to send a spaceship to the moon.
Often we fail to reach our goals because we fail to develop a clear plan for reaching them.
Planning is essential in spiritual matters.
* God planned His work:
Hebrews 8:5 - God had a plan for the tabernacle.
1 Peter 1:18-20 - God had a plan for our redemption before the world began. [Eph. 1:7-9]
Ephesians 3:10,11 - The church was part of God's eternal purpose.
Romans 8:28 - God purposed to call us to salvation (through the gospel - 2 Thess. 2:13,14).
* Our service to God requires planning and forethought.
Proverbs 14:22 - We receive mercy and truth if we devise (plan) good.
Luke 14:26-33 - We must count the cost of discipleship before we begin.
Psalms 17:3 - David purposed not to transgress with his mouth. This was no accident. He planned it that way.
Acts 11:23 - Barnabas urged new converts to continue with the Lord with purpose of heart. We will continue to be faithful only if we plan to do so.
2 Cor. 9:7 - We should even plan the amount we give to the church.
Yet amazingly, hosts of parents, including members of the church, enter into marriage and parenthood with very little thought, study, or discussion about how they plan to succeed in raising their children. How much time and effort have you and your spouse spent in determining exactly what rules and principles you will follow in raising your children?
B. Planning Is Required to Deal with Harmful Influences.
Satan is battling us for the control of our children.
Ephesians 6:12 - We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
When the children of Christians go astray, often the parents say, "I just don't understand what happened." Often what happens is that powerful forces are working against us that we either are not aware of or do not deal with effectively.
1 Timothy 6:12 - Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life. Satan is determined to lead our children away from God. Parents must realize, "it's war out there." To raise godly children, we must fight evil.
What army can win without a battle plan? We often lose our children because we don't recognize we are at war, so we have no plan for the fight!
2 Corinthians 2:11 - Satan will take advantage of us, if we are ignorant of his devices. We must be aware of the means he uses to destroy our children's faithfulness, then we must have a plan for combating those influences.
Other than family and church, what are the greatest influences in your children's life?
Peers
The desire to conform and be accepted is one of the strongest influences teenagers face. The way other children act, dress, and talk becomes a powerful force that Satan uses to get our children to accept the world's values.
Parade magazine asked teens what influences affected their value systems. In 1960 the greatest influence was parents, then teachers, then friends, then clergy, then counselors, and then popular heroes. In 1980 the same study determined that teens were influenced by: first friends, then parents, then the media (TV, music, and movies). (Why Knock Rock? Peters, p. 96)
Note these Scriptures:
1 Corinthians 15:33 - Do not be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits." But the fact is that many parents, including Christians, are deceived. We let our children have close friends that are worldly, irreligious, immoral, or rebellious, yet somehow think our children will escape harm.
Proverbs 13:20 - He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed. If our children run with "the wrong crowd," inevitably they and we will suffer the consequences.
Exodus 34:15,16 - One of the strongest areas of peer pressure young people face relates to dating and choosing a marriage companion. Marriage is the closest companionship there is, and dating leads to marriage.
Children of Christians often become too intimate in the dating relationship. They face powerful temptations and soon fall into sin. Or they "fall in love" or develop a close relationship with someone who is not a Christian, and soon they compromise truth to please their friend/spouse.
Time and again Christians have lost their children to Satan through the influence of friends. Will you succeed in dealing with such pressures, if you simply allow your children to do as they please?
How can you as a parent possibly train your children to be godly unless you have a specific, effective plan for dealing with peer pressure?
School
Most of us realize that schools face serious problems. But how serious? I once asked a group of teens, who had been raised by Christian parents, to list the problems they faced at school. Here is substance of their list:
* Lying* Profanity, dirty jokes, etc. (students and teachers)* Drinking* Violence and fighting (students with students or with teachers)* Immodesty, lack of dress codes* Coed gym - immodest uniforms* Smoking* Peer pressure/bad crowds* Drugs (7 of 8 students personally knew children who used drugs).* Ridicule and making fun of children who are good or different* Gossip, slander* Cheating* Stealing and vandalism* Dancing* Disrespect for teachers and parents* False goals (popularity, wealth)* Classes that justify evolution, abortion, homosexuality, situation ethics, contraceptives, divorce, premarital sex, disrespect for parents, etc.* Reading assignments with immorality, violence, etc.* Sexual promiscuity - petting at school, pregnant girls, children talking openly about sexual relations, everyone expected to do it, etc.* Schedule conflicts with church activities
Do you honestly believe that your children can face this environment 8 or 9 hours a day for half the days of the year for 13 or more of the most impressionable years of their lives without consequence? Can you succeed if you just send your children off with no plan for dealing with these problems?
If "evil companions corrupt good morals," how can impressionable children face such an environment and maintain godliness unless you have a plan for fighting these evils?
Entertainment: Television, Movies, and Music
Suppose your child had three good friends who continually attempted to persuade your child to accept all the following practices:
* Drug and alcohol abuse* The occult - witchcraft, Satanism, astrology, sorcery, etc.* Oriental religions - Hinduism, Buddhism, reincarnation, etc.* Violence, murder, suicide* Sexual promiscuity - fornication, adultery, homosexuality, immodesty and even nudity* Profanity, cursing, obscenity* Rebellion against parents, government, God and the Bible
Suppose your child was spending several hours every day visiting these friends and listening to them justify these ideas. Would you want your child to continue that relationship or would you try to break it off? If "running with a bad crowd" can corrupt your child's good morals, how can they not be influenced by close relationships with such evils?
Yet many children of Christians have three friends who are just like we have described. Those friends are named television, movies, and music.
Television
The average American watches TV 50 hours per week - ten hours more than the average workweek. (Bennett, p. 20)
A study of 58 hours of prime-time TV revealed: 5 rapes, 7 homosexual acts, 28 acts of prostitution, 41 examples of sexual relations between unmarried people. But this study was in 1983! (Christian Inquirer, 7 and 8/83)
It has been estimated that, by the time the average child reaches age 18, he will have witnessed more than 15,000 murders on TV or in movies. ( Bennett, p. 20)
In 1991 the National Coalition On Television Violence estimated that, if TV violence had never been introduced, each year the US would have 10,000 fewer murders, 70,000 fewer rapes, 1,000,000 fewer motor vehicle thefts, 2,500,000 fewer burglaries, and 10,000,000 fewer acts of larceny. Crime rates would be half what they are now. (Via Gospel Anchor, 8/91, p. 17)
Movies
Many Christians think nothing of letting children attend PG or PG-13 movies. Here is a survey of the contents of PG and PG-13 movies in 1988:
Nearly 1/4 have the "f-word."61% take God's name in vain.71% contain vulgar references to excretion, intercourse, or genitals.50% imply sexual intercourse.13% show intercourse.30% show explicit nudity.75% include moderate or severe violence.74% depict alcohol or drug abuse (via Citizen, 1/89)
Modern music
On the average, "teens listen to 10,500 hours of rock between 7-12 grades ... just 500 hours less than the total time they spend in school over 12 years" (US News and World Report, 10/28/85, pp. 46-49; via. Gary Fiscus).
Consider the problems in modern music:
* Drugs
"...the rock scene is permeated by the values and practices of the drug culture. Many rock stars have become cult heroes, and many of them take drugs. Children can often identify the current rock stars, and may identify with their lifestyles ... Since the [mid-sixties] many rock lyrics have had drug overtones.
"Rock concerts pose an additional problem ... In many cities, drugs are sold and used openly at these concerts; no real attempt is made to enforce either the drug or the alcohol laws. Rest rooms in public concert halls are often cluttered with children as young as 11 who are getting high, vomiting, or shaking from unpredictable drug and alcohol effects. Most parents are unaware of all this" (Parents, Peers, and Pot, Marsha Manatt, US Dept. of Health and Human Services, pp. 24,25).
* Violence
Surveys by the National Coalition on Television Violence reveal that over 50% of rock videos feature or suggest violence. ("Violent Videos: a Close Look at MTV," Miller, Christianity, 4/85, p. 24). One coalition survey revealed that MTV (music video channel) showed an average of 18 violent incidents per hour (Peters, p. 40).
* Sexual immorality
Rolling Stone Magazine: "The surest shortcut to memorable videos seems to be a liberal dose of sex, violence, or both" (12/8/83, p. 76; via Peters, p. 40).
Chris Stein (Blondie) said: "Everyone takes it for granted rock and roll is synonymous with sex" (People, 5/21/79, p. 53; via Peters, p. 107).
John Oates: rock and roll is "99 percent sex" (Circus, 1/31/76, p. 39; via Peters, p. 108).
Elvis Costello: "Rock and Roll is about sex, and I'm here to corrupt the youth of America" (AFA Journal, 11&12/88, p. 20).
* Alienation from parents
A Jefferson Starship member said, "our music is intended to broaden the generation gap [and] alienate children from their parents" (Peters, p. 105).
Malcom McClaren: "Rock N' Roll is pagan and primitive and very jungle and that's how it should be. The moment it stops being those things it's dead. ... The true meaning of rock ... is sex, subversion and style" (Rock magazine, 8/83, p 60; via Peters, p. 107).
I'm not saying Rock is the only music that can be corrupt. But do you honestly believe you can raise godly children without a plan for fighting such influences as this? If you would not just allow your children to run with any peer group of their choosing, then why allow them to watch TV or movies or listen to music without a plan for supervising it?
The point is not that raising godly children is impossible. It can be done, but no parent will succeed without an effective plan for dealing with these influences.
I. The Importance of a Good Plan
A. Every Important Work Needs to Be Planned.
If we wish to succeed in any important, difficult endeavor, first we must determine our goal. Then we must develop a plan for reaching our goal.
Planning is important in everyday life.
* If a business is to succeed, it must have a goal and a plan for reaching that goal.
* In building a house, one must have a blueprint to follow.
* Consider the years of planning needed to send a spaceship to the moon.
Often we fail to reach our goals because we fail to develop a clear plan for reaching them.
Planning is essential in spiritual matters.
* God planned His work:
Hebrews 8:5 - God had a plan for the tabernacle.
1 Peter 1:18-20 - God had a plan for our redemption before the world began. [Eph. 1:7-9]
Ephesians 3:10,11 - The church was part of God's eternal purpose.
Romans 8:28 - God purposed to call us to salvation (through the gospel - 2 Thess. 2:13,14).
* Our service to God requires planning and forethought.
Proverbs 14:22 - We receive mercy and truth if we devise (plan) good.
Luke 14:26-33 - We must count the cost of discipleship before we begin.
Psalms 17:3 - David purposed not to transgress with his mouth. This was no accident. He planned it that way.
Acts 11:23 - Barnabas urged new converts to continue with the Lord with purpose of heart. We will continue to be faithful only if we plan to do so.
2 Cor. 9:7 - We should even plan the amount we give to the church.
Yet amazingly, hosts of parents, including members of the church, enter into marriage and parenthood with very little thought, study, or discussion about how they plan to succeed in raising their children. How much time and effort have you and your spouse spent in determining exactly what rules and principles you will follow in raising your children?
B. Planning Is Required to Deal with Harmful Influences.
Satan is battling us for the control of our children.
Ephesians 6:12 - We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
When the children of Christians go astray, often the parents say, "I just don't understand what happened." Often what happens is that powerful forces are working against us that we either are not aware of or do not deal with effectively.
1 Timothy 6:12 - Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life. Satan is determined to lead our children away from God. Parents must realize, "it's war out there." To raise godly children, we must fight evil.
What army can win without a battle plan? We often lose our children because we don't recognize we are at war, so we have no plan for the fight!
2 Corinthians 2:11 - Satan will take advantage of us, if we are ignorant of his devices. We must be aware of the means he uses to destroy our children's faithfulness, then we must have a plan for combating those influences.
Other than family and church, what are the greatest influences in your children's life?
Peers
The desire to conform and be accepted is one of the strongest influences teenagers face. The way other children act, dress, and talk becomes a powerful force that Satan uses to get our children to accept the world's values.
Parade magazine asked teens what influences affected their value systems. In 1960 the greatest influence was parents, then teachers, then friends, then clergy, then counselors, and then popular heroes. In 1980 the same study determined that teens were influenced by: first friends, then parents, then the media (TV, music, and movies). (Why Knock Rock? Peters, p. 96)
Note these Scriptures:
1 Corinthians 15:33 - Do not be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits." But the fact is that many parents, including Christians, are deceived. We let our children have close friends that are worldly, irreligious, immoral, or rebellious, yet somehow think our children will escape harm.
Proverbs 13:20 - He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed. If our children run with "the wrong crowd," inevitably they and we will suffer the consequences.
Exodus 34:15,16 - One of the strongest areas of peer pressure young people face relates to dating and choosing a marriage companion. Marriage is the closest companionship there is, and dating leads to marriage.
Children of Christians often become too intimate in the dating relationship. They face powerful temptations and soon fall into sin. Or they "fall in love" or develop a close relationship with someone who is not a Christian, and soon they compromise truth to please their friend/spouse.
Time and again Christians have lost their children to Satan through the influence of friends. Will you succeed in dealing with such pressures, if you simply allow your children to do as they please?
How can you as a parent possibly train your children to be godly unless you have a specific, effective plan for dealing with peer pressure?
School
Most of us realize that schools face serious problems. But how serious? I once asked a group of teens, who had been raised by Christian parents, to list the problems they faced at school. Here is substance of their list:
* Lying* Profanity, dirty jokes, etc. (students and teachers)* Drinking* Violence and fighting (students with students or with teachers)* Immodesty, lack of dress codes* Coed gym - immodest uniforms* Smoking* Peer pressure/bad crowds* Drugs (7 of 8 students personally knew children who used drugs).* Ridicule and making fun of children who are good or different* Gossip, slander* Cheating* Stealing and vandalism* Dancing* Disrespect for teachers and parents* False goals (popularity, wealth)* Classes that justify evolution, abortion, homosexuality, situation ethics, contraceptives, divorce, premarital sex, disrespect for parents, etc.* Reading assignments with immorality, violence, etc.* Sexual promiscuity - petting at school, pregnant girls, children talking openly about sexual relations, everyone expected to do it, etc.* Schedule conflicts with church activities
Do you honestly believe that your children can face this environment 8 or 9 hours a day for half the days of the year for 13 or more of the most impressionable years of their lives without consequence? Can you succeed if you just send your children off with no plan for dealing with these problems?
If "evil companions corrupt good morals," how can impressionable children face such an environment and maintain godliness unless you have a plan for fighting these evils?
Entertainment: Television, Movies, and Music
Suppose your child had three good friends who continually attempted to persuade your child to accept all the following practices:
* Drug and alcohol abuse* The occult - witchcraft, Satanism, astrology, sorcery, etc.* Oriental religions - Hinduism, Buddhism, reincarnation, etc.* Violence, murder, suicide* Sexual promiscuity - fornication, adultery, homosexuality, immodesty and even nudity* Profanity, cursing, obscenity* Rebellion against parents, government, God and the Bible
Suppose your child was spending several hours every day visiting these friends and listening to them justify these ideas. Would you want your child to continue that relationship or would you try to break it off? If "running with a bad crowd" can corrupt your child's good morals, how can they not be influenced by close relationships with such evils?
Yet many children of Christians have three friends who are just like we have described. Those friends are named television, movies, and music.
Television
The average American watches TV 50 hours per week - ten hours more than the average workweek. (Bennett, p. 20)
A study of 58 hours of prime-time TV revealed: 5 rapes, 7 homosexual acts, 28 acts of prostitution, 41 examples of sexual relations between unmarried people. But this study was in 1983! (Christian Inquirer, 7 and 8/83)
It has been estimated that, by the time the average child reaches age 18, he will have witnessed more than 15,000 murders on TV or in movies. ( Bennett, p. 20)
In 1991 the National Coalition On Television Violence estimated that, if TV violence had never been introduced, each year the US would have 10,000 fewer murders, 70,000 fewer rapes, 1,000,000 fewer motor vehicle thefts, 2,500,000 fewer burglaries, and 10,000,000 fewer acts of larceny. Crime rates would be half what they are now. (Via Gospel Anchor, 8/91, p. 17)
Movies
Many Christians think nothing of letting children attend PG or PG-13 movies. Here is a survey of the contents of PG and PG-13 movies in 1988:
Nearly 1/4 have the "f-word."61% take God's name in vain.71% contain vulgar references to excretion, intercourse, or genitals.50% imply sexual intercourse.13% show intercourse.30% show explicit nudity.75% include moderate or severe violence.74% depict alcohol or drug abuse (via Citizen, 1/89)
Modern music
On the average, "teens listen to 10,500 hours of rock between 7-12 grades ... just 500 hours less than the total time they spend in school over 12 years" (US News and World Report, 10/28/85, pp. 46-49; via. Gary Fiscus).
Consider the problems in modern music:
* Drugs
"...the rock scene is permeated by the values and practices of the drug culture. Many rock stars have become cult heroes, and many of them take drugs. Children can often identify the current rock stars, and may identify with their lifestyles ... Since the [mid-sixties] many rock lyrics have had drug overtones.
"Rock concerts pose an additional problem ... In many cities, drugs are sold and used openly at these concerts; no real attempt is made to enforce either the drug or the alcohol laws. Rest rooms in public concert halls are often cluttered with children as young as 11 who are getting high, vomiting, or shaking from unpredictable drug and alcohol effects. Most parents are unaware of all this" (Parents, Peers, and Pot, Marsha Manatt, US Dept. of Health and Human Services, pp. 24,25).
* Violence
Surveys by the National Coalition on Television Violence reveal that over 50% of rock videos feature or suggest violence. ("Violent Videos: a Close Look at MTV," Miller, Christianity, 4/85, p. 24). One coalition survey revealed that MTV (music video channel) showed an average of 18 violent incidents per hour (Peters, p. 40).
* Sexual immorality
Rolling Stone Magazine: "The surest shortcut to memorable videos seems to be a liberal dose of sex, violence, or both" (12/8/83, p. 76; via Peters, p. 40).
Chris Stein (Blondie) said: "Everyone takes it for granted rock and roll is synonymous with sex" (People, 5/21/79, p. 53; via Peters, p. 107).
John Oates: rock and roll is "99 percent sex" (Circus, 1/31/76, p. 39; via Peters, p. 108).
Elvis Costello: "Rock and Roll is about sex, and I'm here to corrupt the youth of America" (AFA Journal, 11&12/88, p. 20).
* Alienation from parents
A Jefferson Starship member said, "our music is intended to broaden the generation gap [and] alienate children from their parents" (Peters, p. 105).
Malcom McClaren: "Rock N' Roll is pagan and primitive and very jungle and that's how it should be. The moment it stops being those things it's dead. ... The true meaning of rock ... is sex, subversion and style" (Rock magazine, 8/83, p 60; via Peters, p. 107).
I'm not saying Rock is the only music that can be corrupt. But do you honestly believe you can raise godly children without a plan for fighting such influences as this? If you would not just allow your children to run with any peer group of their choosing, then why allow them to watch TV or movies or listen to music without a plan for supervising it?
The point is not that raising godly children is impossible. It can be done, but no parent will succeed without an effective plan for dealing with these influences.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Key #1: Purpose
Key #1: Purpose
This is part of a series about Bible principles for raising children. No one can succeed in any task without keeping his goal clearly in mind.
Imagine a baseball team that becomes so wrapped up in their beautiful uniforms, beautiful ball park, and making commercials that they forget about winning ball games. Uniforms and a ball park are helpful - even commercials may be all right - but the players must remember their goal is to win games!
So parents must keep their responsibility clearly in mind. What do you consider to be your goal as a parent? What would it take to make you feel that you had been a success or a failure as a parent?
I. Parents Must Set Goals.
If you are a parent, you must have proper goals, and you must work diligently toward those goals. Whether you like it or not, if you have children you must recognize that you are responsible to raise your children properly.
Too many parents simply don't want to accept their responsibility as parents. They expect others to raise their children: the government, schools, church, babysitters, day-care centers, or their friends or relatives. Meanwhile the parents pursue other interests.
Some fathers think they will leave the children to the mothers to raise (or vice-versa). Some divorce and leave the home or otherwise desert their children. Some spend too much time away from home pursuing other interests. Some simply don't bother. This is unacceptable.
A. You Brought These Children into the World.
When you participated in the act that produces children, you accepted the responsibility to care for any child that was conceived. Your children did not ask to come here. You brought them here. Now it's your job to take care of them.
You may say that a child was "an accident" - you did not intend to conceive. But the fact is that, if you chose to participate in the act the may result in a child, then you are responsible for any child that results.
The government did not bring your child into this world. You did. So don't expect the government to raise your child. Likewise, for the church, the schools, the day-care center, and your parents or relatives - none of them brought your children into this world. You brought them here; now you take care of them. Caring for them properly must be your goal.
B. God Holds You Responsible for Raising Your Children.
Titus 2:4 - Young women should be taught to love their children. Love requires caring for them. This is something that can and must be learned. Women who do not learn it will cause God's word to be blasphemed (v5).
Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers are commanded to bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. You cannot leave this up to others, including your wife (though, of course, she is responsible too). You are responsible. You have no right to shirk this duty or try to shift it to others.
Genesis 18:19 - God approved of Abraham, because he commanded his children to keep the way of the Lord. He did not leave this duty up to others.
1 Samuel 3:12-14 - On the other hand, when Eli's sons became corrupt, God held Eli accountable. God rebuked Eli, not the schools or the government or even just Eli's wife.
Parents must accept the goal of raising their children properly and must diligently work toward that goal. They must not leave this to others.
II. Some Goals Are Proper but Are Not the Main Goal.
A. Parents May Have Various Goals in Raising Children.
Some parents may emphasize goals that are of little importance and could even become problems: physical beauty, athletic achievement, popularity, etc. But there are other goals that parents ought to pursue for their children:
* We should meet our children's physical needs.
* We should provide a good education.
* We should prepare them for life, so they can have a happy marriage and be good citizens and neighbors.
* We may even provide some recreation, entertainment, and enjoyment.
1 Timothy 5:8 - If any does not provide for his own, and especially for his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Christians should provide wholesome benefits for our children (Matt. 7:9-11).
B. But These Are Not Our Primary Goal as Parents.
Many parents are too concerned about physical pursuits.
Luke 12:15 - Jesus said, "Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses." He then told of a man who obtained great wealth but neglected God (vv 16-21). When the man died, what good did his wealth do him?
Matthew 16:26 - What is a man profited if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul? Likewise, what profit are we to our children if we give them all the world has to offer, but they are eternally lost?
Many parents spend long hours working to provide physical things for their children, but they are so busy working that they neglect to give their children time and attention.
Other parents spend many hours with their children in physical or material pursuits: sports, clubs, school functions, music, etc. They are constantly on the run, but the emphasis is material, physical, and social.
I know one lady in the church whose daughter was named high school homecoming queen. The mother said this was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to her. When success in temporal things is our greatest joy, no wonder our children don't serve God! And sure enough, that woman's daughter never became a Christian.
The result of these approaches is exactly what we see in society: children who have hosts of physical advantages but are neither godly nor happy.
On the other hand, many "poor" families are highly successful.
I have known families with one old car, no TV, 4-room house, plain clothes, and just a basic education. But the children knew God's will, had close family ties, and grew up serving God faithfully.
Many children today are spoiled by over-providing. They don't appreciate what they are given and grow up thinking the world owes them a living.
Deuteronomy 18:10 - "There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire..." Most of us would not think of sacrificing a child to worship an idol. But covetousness is idolatry (Col. 3:5). Too many parents over-emphasize material pursuits: possessions, toys, education, popularity, beauty, sports, etc. Unknowingly, such parents are sacrificing their children to the idols of covetousness and worldliness.
III. The Main Goal Is to Train Children to Serve God So They Can Receive Eternal Life.
A. Consider God's Goals for Parents.
Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Our children will not always have us around to guide their decisions. We must instill in them the understanding and habit of doing right, so they will serve God when they make their own decisions.
Ephesians 6:4 - Bring your children up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Genesis 18:19 - Abraham commanded his children to keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice. This should be the goal of all fathers who are truly faithful to God.
Psalms 34:11 - Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. To accomplish this, we must give our children many things money cannot buy: time, love, instruction in God's word, guidance in dealing with life's problems, an example of godliness, and training in moral purity.
Joshua 24:15 - Joshua declared, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." We should keep this goal constantly before us. With each decision we should ask, "What effect will this have on my child's eternal destiny?"
Malachi 2:15 - What does God seek when He joins a man and woman in marriage? He seeks godly offspring.
Our children are not given us to do with as we please. They are not our property. They are God's children given into our care, so we can raise them to be what He wants them to be.
Suppose our children grow up, get good jobs, have happy marriages, and are good neighbors and citizens, but do not live as faithful Christians. Then they are failures, and we have failed to accomplish our purpose as parents.
On the other hand, suppose our children don't receive college educations, live below middle-class American standards, and are not particularly athletic or outwardly beautiful, but they serve God faithfully. If so, they are successes, and we have been successful parents.
Throughout these studies we will emphasize principles that will help parents lead their children to put God first in life. We are studying how to raise godly children.
[Deut. 4:10; 6:7ff; 11:18ff; Tit. 1:6; Psa. 78:4ff; Jer. 32:39; 2 Tim. 3:15; Matt. 19:13ff]
B. Consider Then the Seriousness of This Responsibility.
The parents' choices may determine their children's eternal destiny.
Proverbs 23:13,14 - Do not withhold correction from a child. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell.
Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Because so many children do not turn out well, people frequently emphasize that there are exceptions to this passage.
I believe that a diligent study of proverbs shows that many of them do have exceptions [20:28; 21:2; 22:7,11]. To say there are no exceptions to Prov. 22:6 would imply that the eternal destiny of children can be totally determined by parents, leaving the children without free will.
When children do not turn out well, we should all surely sympathize. The parents need to consider if they made mistakes. If they did, they should repent and ask forgiveness. What parents don't make mistakes?
But the fact remains that Proverbs 22:6 is a general statement of truth!
It is written to give parents confidence that, if they follow God's word, they can raise children to serve God and be saved! In our effort to console the parents of ungodly children, let us take care that we don't give the impression that raising godly children is nearly impossible.
I know a preacher who said repeatedly, "Every family has a black sheep." What passage that teaches that? None! But he believed it, and sure enough he raised two "black sheep." If you think you cannot raise godly children, you are defeated before you start!
Regardless of occasional exceptions, the rule is that, if we do our job right, our children will be saved.
The fact so many people want to talk about the exception to the passage reveals much about the problems in the Lord's church. We are losing the majority of children, and there is no way the verse can justify that!
Instead of making excuses, let us just admit that many parents are not doing their job well. Let us learn from our mistakes and start studying God's word to find out how to do it right!
"Wouldn't it be terrible to have a child who was born with a serious physical or mental handicap or who died young?" Yes. But how infinitely worse to know my child faces torment in a Devil's hell! I cannot imagine any more terrible tragedy that could happen to one of my children. And I may very well determine whether or not that happens.
The parents' choices may determine their own eternal destiny!
1 Samuel 3:12-14 - Note that Eli himself was rejected for his children's sins, because he had failed as a parent! (Cf. 2:22-25).
Ecclesiastes 12:14 - God will bring every work into judgment, and that includes our work as parents. When we stand before God to give account for our lives, He will judge us for our diligence as parents.
My job as a parent is to raise my children to serve God. If I don't get my priorities straight so that I raise them to serve God first, He will hold me accountable.
To a large extent, your children's destiny and your destiny depend on whether or not you train your children as God's word says.
Conclusion
Let us not make the mistake of the baseball team that forgot its real purpose. Let us realize the seriousness of our responsibility as parents and keep our eye on our goal. If we have gotten off track and put too much emphasis on temporal things, let us repent. And let us all accept the challenge to raise godly children.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
This is part of a series about Bible principles for raising children. No one can succeed in any task without keeping his goal clearly in mind.
Imagine a baseball team that becomes so wrapped up in their beautiful uniforms, beautiful ball park, and making commercials that they forget about winning ball games. Uniforms and a ball park are helpful - even commercials may be all right - but the players must remember their goal is to win games!
So parents must keep their responsibility clearly in mind. What do you consider to be your goal as a parent? What would it take to make you feel that you had been a success or a failure as a parent?
I. Parents Must Set Goals.
If you are a parent, you must have proper goals, and you must work diligently toward those goals. Whether you like it or not, if you have children you must recognize that you are responsible to raise your children properly.
Too many parents simply don't want to accept their responsibility as parents. They expect others to raise their children: the government, schools, church, babysitters, day-care centers, or their friends or relatives. Meanwhile the parents pursue other interests.
Some fathers think they will leave the children to the mothers to raise (or vice-versa). Some divorce and leave the home or otherwise desert their children. Some spend too much time away from home pursuing other interests. Some simply don't bother. This is unacceptable.
A. You Brought These Children into the World.
When you participated in the act that produces children, you accepted the responsibility to care for any child that was conceived. Your children did not ask to come here. You brought them here. Now it's your job to take care of them.
You may say that a child was "an accident" - you did not intend to conceive. But the fact is that, if you chose to participate in the act the may result in a child, then you are responsible for any child that results.
The government did not bring your child into this world. You did. So don't expect the government to raise your child. Likewise, for the church, the schools, the day-care center, and your parents or relatives - none of them brought your children into this world. You brought them here; now you take care of them. Caring for them properly must be your goal.
B. God Holds You Responsible for Raising Your Children.
Titus 2:4 - Young women should be taught to love their children. Love requires caring for them. This is something that can and must be learned. Women who do not learn it will cause God's word to be blasphemed (v5).
Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers are commanded to bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. You cannot leave this up to others, including your wife (though, of course, she is responsible too). You are responsible. You have no right to shirk this duty or try to shift it to others.
Genesis 18:19 - God approved of Abraham, because he commanded his children to keep the way of the Lord. He did not leave this duty up to others.
1 Samuel 3:12-14 - On the other hand, when Eli's sons became corrupt, God held Eli accountable. God rebuked Eli, not the schools or the government or even just Eli's wife.
Parents must accept the goal of raising their children properly and must diligently work toward that goal. They must not leave this to others.
II. Some Goals Are Proper but Are Not the Main Goal.
A. Parents May Have Various Goals in Raising Children.
Some parents may emphasize goals that are of little importance and could even become problems: physical beauty, athletic achievement, popularity, etc. But there are other goals that parents ought to pursue for their children:
* We should meet our children's physical needs.
* We should provide a good education.
* We should prepare them for life, so they can have a happy marriage and be good citizens and neighbors.
* We may even provide some recreation, entertainment, and enjoyment.
1 Timothy 5:8 - If any does not provide for his own, and especially for his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Christians should provide wholesome benefits for our children (Matt. 7:9-11).
B. But These Are Not Our Primary Goal as Parents.
Many parents are too concerned about physical pursuits.
Luke 12:15 - Jesus said, "Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses." He then told of a man who obtained great wealth but neglected God (vv 16-21). When the man died, what good did his wealth do him?
Matthew 16:26 - What is a man profited if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul? Likewise, what profit are we to our children if we give them all the world has to offer, but they are eternally lost?
Many parents spend long hours working to provide physical things for their children, but they are so busy working that they neglect to give their children time and attention.
Other parents spend many hours with their children in physical or material pursuits: sports, clubs, school functions, music, etc. They are constantly on the run, but the emphasis is material, physical, and social.
I know one lady in the church whose daughter was named high school homecoming queen. The mother said this was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to her. When success in temporal things is our greatest joy, no wonder our children don't serve God! And sure enough, that woman's daughter never became a Christian.
The result of these approaches is exactly what we see in society: children who have hosts of physical advantages but are neither godly nor happy.
On the other hand, many "poor" families are highly successful.
I have known families with one old car, no TV, 4-room house, plain clothes, and just a basic education. But the children knew God's will, had close family ties, and grew up serving God faithfully.
Many children today are spoiled by over-providing. They don't appreciate what they are given and grow up thinking the world owes them a living.
Deuteronomy 18:10 - "There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire..." Most of us would not think of sacrificing a child to worship an idol. But covetousness is idolatry (Col. 3:5). Too many parents over-emphasize material pursuits: possessions, toys, education, popularity, beauty, sports, etc. Unknowingly, such parents are sacrificing their children to the idols of covetousness and worldliness.
III. The Main Goal Is to Train Children to Serve God So They Can Receive Eternal Life.
A. Consider God's Goals for Parents.
Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Our children will not always have us around to guide their decisions. We must instill in them the understanding and habit of doing right, so they will serve God when they make their own decisions.
Ephesians 6:4 - Bring your children up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Genesis 18:19 - Abraham commanded his children to keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice. This should be the goal of all fathers who are truly faithful to God.
Psalms 34:11 - Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. To accomplish this, we must give our children many things money cannot buy: time, love, instruction in God's word, guidance in dealing with life's problems, an example of godliness, and training in moral purity.
Joshua 24:15 - Joshua declared, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." We should keep this goal constantly before us. With each decision we should ask, "What effect will this have on my child's eternal destiny?"
Malachi 2:15 - What does God seek when He joins a man and woman in marriage? He seeks godly offspring.
Our children are not given us to do with as we please. They are not our property. They are God's children given into our care, so we can raise them to be what He wants them to be.
Suppose our children grow up, get good jobs, have happy marriages, and are good neighbors and citizens, but do not live as faithful Christians. Then they are failures, and we have failed to accomplish our purpose as parents.
On the other hand, suppose our children don't receive college educations, live below middle-class American standards, and are not particularly athletic or outwardly beautiful, but they serve God faithfully. If so, they are successes, and we have been successful parents.
Throughout these studies we will emphasize principles that will help parents lead their children to put God first in life. We are studying how to raise godly children.
[Deut. 4:10; 6:7ff; 11:18ff; Tit. 1:6; Psa. 78:4ff; Jer. 32:39; 2 Tim. 3:15; Matt. 19:13ff]
B. Consider Then the Seriousness of This Responsibility.
The parents' choices may determine their children's eternal destiny.
Proverbs 23:13,14 - Do not withhold correction from a child. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell.
Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Because so many children do not turn out well, people frequently emphasize that there are exceptions to this passage.
I believe that a diligent study of proverbs shows that many of them do have exceptions [20:28; 21:2; 22:7,11]. To say there are no exceptions to Prov. 22:6 would imply that the eternal destiny of children can be totally determined by parents, leaving the children without free will.
When children do not turn out well, we should all surely sympathize. The parents need to consider if they made mistakes. If they did, they should repent and ask forgiveness. What parents don't make mistakes?
But the fact remains that Proverbs 22:6 is a general statement of truth!
It is written to give parents confidence that, if they follow God's word, they can raise children to serve God and be saved! In our effort to console the parents of ungodly children, let us take care that we don't give the impression that raising godly children is nearly impossible.
I know a preacher who said repeatedly, "Every family has a black sheep." What passage that teaches that? None! But he believed it, and sure enough he raised two "black sheep." If you think you cannot raise godly children, you are defeated before you start!
Regardless of occasional exceptions, the rule is that, if we do our job right, our children will be saved.
The fact so many people want to talk about the exception to the passage reveals much about the problems in the Lord's church. We are losing the majority of children, and there is no way the verse can justify that!
Instead of making excuses, let us just admit that many parents are not doing their job well. Let us learn from our mistakes and start studying God's word to find out how to do it right!
"Wouldn't it be terrible to have a child who was born with a serious physical or mental handicap or who died young?" Yes. But how infinitely worse to know my child faces torment in a Devil's hell! I cannot imagine any more terrible tragedy that could happen to one of my children. And I may very well determine whether or not that happens.
The parents' choices may determine their own eternal destiny!
1 Samuel 3:12-14 - Note that Eli himself was rejected for his children's sins, because he had failed as a parent! (Cf. 2:22-25).
Ecclesiastes 12:14 - God will bring every work into judgment, and that includes our work as parents. When we stand before God to give account for our lives, He will judge us for our diligence as parents.
My job as a parent is to raise my children to serve God. If I don't get my priorities straight so that I raise them to serve God first, He will hold me accountable.
To a large extent, your children's destiny and your destiny depend on whether or not you train your children as God's word says.
Conclusion
Let us not make the mistake of the baseball team that forgot its real purpose. Let us realize the seriousness of our responsibility as parents and keep our eye on our goal. If we have gotten off track and put too much emphasis on temporal things, let us repent. And let us all accept the challenge to raise godly children.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Seven Keys for Raising Godly Children
Raising Godly Children:Bible Principles for Parents to Follow in Family Training and Parenting
How can Christian parents succeed in training children in the home? What parenting and child-raising authorities should fathers and mothers follow: the Bible or psychologists, social workers, and educators? What purpose and goal should families pursue? How important are love and instruction in the family and parenting? Should fathers and mothers seek to be parental authority figures? How should parents motivate and discipline unruly children? What about spanking, punishment, and rewards? Is it possible for a father and mother to raise godly children despite modern social pressures in entertainment, recreation, and education?
Introduction:
Why this study is needed:
Families in our society present a serious yet interesting contrast.
Generally families have material and social advantages as great as any generation ever had.
Most families have material goods and luxuries unknown to previous generations. Most have greater prospects for a long life. Most have unparalleled opportunities for education, leisure, entertainment, and recreation.
One might think families would be happy and trouble-free.
Yet families today face incredible conflict and hardship.
These include:
* Divorce - As of 1999 marriages were more likely to end by divorce than by death. (James Dobson letter, 11/99)
* Crime - The arrest rate among juveniles nearly tripled from 1965 to 1990. (Bennett, p. 4)
* Government dependence - In 1991 more than one child in eight was raised on government welfare. (Bennett, p. 5)
* Births to unmarried women - In 1990 five times more children were born outside marriage than in 1960. (Bennett, p. 9)
* Single-parent families - 35% of all children now do not live with their biological father. (Dobson letter)
* Suicide - The suicide rate among teens more than tripled from 1960 to 1990. (Bennett, p. 12)
Many families do not have these problems, but the evidence shows that parent-child relationships are facing increasing hardships.
And Christians are by no means immune. In nearly every congregation at least half the young people end up not serving God faithfully.
The subject of raising children deserves careful study.
Why you need to study this subject, regardless of who you are:
* Are you a parent? Surely you know you need to study about raising children.
* Are you a young person, not yet married? Almost certainly someday you will be a parent or will work with children in some capacity (teacher, counselor, etc.).
The time to prepare for an important task is before it begins. If you wait till you face the situation, it may be too late to seek training. Why are you in school now? You are training to prepare for future responsibilities in life. Likewise, you need to study parenthood now before you begin.
* Are you an older person with grown children or no children? You need to teach others God's will, including teaching about parental duties.
Hebrews 5:12 - The time comes when you ought to be teachers. In particular, men may preach sermons or teach Bible classes or private studies.
Titus 2:3 - Older women too must be teachers of good things. Especially they must teach young women their duties as wives and mothers (vv 4,5).
Acts 20:27 - Christians must teach "the whole counsel of God." That includes Bible teaching about parenthood. All of us need to learn this!
So if you have children or ever will have them, and even if you don't have them, as a Christian you need to know God's will. You need this study!
Our purpose is to learn how parents can raise children successfully despite the problems we face.
The foundational belief in these studies is that God's word provides the best way to raise children.
Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. By following God's word we can raise children who avoid evil and serve God faithfully.
Bible principles about child raising are so critical that we will refer to them as the "keys" that open the door to success. We will consider them under seven headings. Hence, "Seven Keys to Raising Godly Children."
Note: I do not claim perfection or expertise as a parent. I made many mistakes. Fortunately, my children have overcome most of them. Perhaps you can benefit from my mistakes. But in any case I am not the standard. God's word is the standard, so we will appeal to it.
As in other areas of God's word, there are general teachings and specific teachings.
God told Noah to make an ark of gopher wood (Gen. 6:14). Noah had to abide within God's specified instructions (gopher wood), but he had his choice of many tools or methods that would constitute "making" an ark.
Likewise, God teaches us to take the Lord's supper on the first day of the week (Acts 20:7). That restricts us to the specified day, but by general authority that we are free to decide what time on the first day of the week.
So also, when God states a principle regarding raising children, we must all act within the teaching of that principle. Yet one family may apply that principle somewhat differently from another family, even though both may be following God's word.
In this study I may give advice that harmonizes with Bible principles, but that may not be the only way to apply them. But whatever we do must fit what God's rules say. If what we say or do disagrees with God's rules, then we are disagreeing, not with people, but with God.
Let's consider together Seven Keys for Raising Godly Children.
Just so everyone knows this is not my words. I am doing a bible study and this is helping me so i figured that i would post it on here to maybe help others in a time of need that wants to come closer to the Lord or maybe learn more of what the Lord wants from us.
How can Christian parents succeed in training children in the home? What parenting and child-raising authorities should fathers and mothers follow: the Bible or psychologists, social workers, and educators? What purpose and goal should families pursue? How important are love and instruction in the family and parenting? Should fathers and mothers seek to be parental authority figures? How should parents motivate and discipline unruly children? What about spanking, punishment, and rewards? Is it possible for a father and mother to raise godly children despite modern social pressures in entertainment, recreation, and education?
Introduction:
Why this study is needed:
Families in our society present a serious yet interesting contrast.
Generally families have material and social advantages as great as any generation ever had.
Most families have material goods and luxuries unknown to previous generations. Most have greater prospects for a long life. Most have unparalleled opportunities for education, leisure, entertainment, and recreation.
One might think families would be happy and trouble-free.
Yet families today face incredible conflict and hardship.
These include:
* Divorce - As of 1999 marriages were more likely to end by divorce than by death. (James Dobson letter, 11/99)
* Crime - The arrest rate among juveniles nearly tripled from 1965 to 1990. (Bennett, p. 4)
* Government dependence - In 1991 more than one child in eight was raised on government welfare. (Bennett, p. 5)
* Births to unmarried women - In 1990 five times more children were born outside marriage than in 1960. (Bennett, p. 9)
* Single-parent families - 35% of all children now do not live with their biological father. (Dobson letter)
* Suicide - The suicide rate among teens more than tripled from 1960 to 1990. (Bennett, p. 12)
Many families do not have these problems, but the evidence shows that parent-child relationships are facing increasing hardships.
And Christians are by no means immune. In nearly every congregation at least half the young people end up not serving God faithfully.
The subject of raising children deserves careful study.
Why you need to study this subject, regardless of who you are:
* Are you a parent? Surely you know you need to study about raising children.
* Are you a young person, not yet married? Almost certainly someday you will be a parent or will work with children in some capacity (teacher, counselor, etc.).
The time to prepare for an important task is before it begins. If you wait till you face the situation, it may be too late to seek training. Why are you in school now? You are training to prepare for future responsibilities in life. Likewise, you need to study parenthood now before you begin.
* Are you an older person with grown children or no children? You need to teach others God's will, including teaching about parental duties.
Hebrews 5:12 - The time comes when you ought to be teachers. In particular, men may preach sermons or teach Bible classes or private studies.
Titus 2:3 - Older women too must be teachers of good things. Especially they must teach young women their duties as wives and mothers (vv 4,5).
Acts 20:27 - Christians must teach "the whole counsel of God." That includes Bible teaching about parenthood. All of us need to learn this!
So if you have children or ever will have them, and even if you don't have them, as a Christian you need to know God's will. You need this study!
Our purpose is to learn how parents can raise children successfully despite the problems we face.
The foundational belief in these studies is that God's word provides the best way to raise children.
Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. By following God's word we can raise children who avoid evil and serve God faithfully.
Bible principles about child raising are so critical that we will refer to them as the "keys" that open the door to success. We will consider them under seven headings. Hence, "Seven Keys to Raising Godly Children."
Note: I do not claim perfection or expertise as a parent. I made many mistakes. Fortunately, my children have overcome most of them. Perhaps you can benefit from my mistakes. But in any case I am not the standard. God's word is the standard, so we will appeal to it.
As in other areas of God's word, there are general teachings and specific teachings.
God told Noah to make an ark of gopher wood (Gen. 6:14). Noah had to abide within God's specified instructions (gopher wood), but he had his choice of many tools or methods that would constitute "making" an ark.
Likewise, God teaches us to take the Lord's supper on the first day of the week (Acts 20:7). That restricts us to the specified day, but by general authority that we are free to decide what time on the first day of the week.
So also, when God states a principle regarding raising children, we must all act within the teaching of that principle. Yet one family may apply that principle somewhat differently from another family, even though both may be following God's word.
In this study I may give advice that harmonizes with Bible principles, but that may not be the only way to apply them. But whatever we do must fit what God's rules say. If what we say or do disagrees with God's rules, then we are disagreeing, not with people, but with God.
Let's consider together Seven Keys for Raising Godly Children.
Just so everyone knows this is not my words. I am doing a bible study and this is helping me so i figured that i would post it on here to maybe help others in a time of need that wants to come closer to the Lord or maybe learn more of what the Lord wants from us.
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