By the time Jesus and His apostles lived, the Old Testament Scriptures had been completed for hundreds of years. They had been collected, preserved, copied, and circulated. First-century Jews quoted Old Testament Scripture as a standard of authority. In short, people used the Old Testament just like we today use the whole Bible.
What attitude did Jesus and His apostles show toward this use of the Old Testament?
Remember, Jesus and His apostles never hesitated to disagree with the Jews if they were spiritually wrong on any point. Did they object to how the Jews viewed the Old Testament? Did they say that God never intended the Scriptures to be written and circulated as authority and law? Did the say the Scriptures were not intended for future generations, as some today are saying about our use of the Bible?
By understanding how Jesus and faithful first-century men viewed and treated Old Testament Scripture, we can understand how we today should view and treat the completed Scriptures as we have them today.
A. The Attitude of Jesus toward the Old Testament Scriptures
Jesus quoted Scripture as authoritative revelation from God.
Matthew 15:1-6 - Jesus quoted Old Testament Scripture as being what God said (v4), the command of God (v3), the Word of God (v6).
Matthew 22:23-33 - When Sadducees confronted Jesus about the resurrection, He said they were in error because they did not know the Scriptures. Then He cited a Scripture written by Moses to answer them. [Mark 12:24,27]
John 10:35 - "The Scripture cannot be broken."
During Jesus' lifetime, the Old Testament laws were in effect just like the New Testament laws are in effect for us today. He viewed them as the word and command of God. We will see that is the same attitude we should take toward the New Testament.
[Luke 16:29-31; 4:17ff; 24:27,44-46; John 5:39,45-47; 1:45; Matthew 26:54,56; Luke 3:4; 7:27; 18:31; 21:22; 22:37; John 2:22; 7:38; 13:18; 17:12; 19:24,28,36,37; 20:9; Matthew 2:5; 11:10; 26:24,31; Mark 1:2; 9:1-14; Matthew 5:17; John 12:14,16; 15:25]
Jesus obeyed the Old Testament, taught others to obey it, and rebuked those who did not understand or obey it.
Matthew 4:4,7,10 - When Jesus was tempted, He quoted Scripture as the unanswerable standard of right and wrong.
Luke 10:25-28 - When questioned about God's commands, Jesus urged men to go to the Scriptures for the answer.
Even though the Old Testament was written many generations before His day, Jesus never disagreed with the Jews that it was a pattern revealing God's will. He used it as authority and expected others to do the same. Some people today criticize us for using Scripture this way, but it is exactly the way Jesus used it.
[Matthew 21:42-45; 15:7-9; 22:41-45; 24:15; 21:13; 13:13-15; Luke 4:16-21; Mark 7:6; 12:10; John 6:44,45; 8:17ff; Luke 2:23; Matthew 8:1ff]
B. The Attitude of the Apostles and Other Inspired Men toward the Old Testament
They viewed the Old Testament Scriptures as the inspired will of God revealing His very words to man.
2 Peter 1:20,21 - The Scriptures came by the will of God, not the will of man.
1 Corinthians 10:1-11 - The Old Testament contains examples for our learning and admonition.
New Testament writers realized that Old Testament laws are not binding today, but that is because God Himself removed that law and replaced it with the New Testament. But they still recognized that the Old Testament was the very word of God, and that as long as it was in effect, Jews of all generations had to obey it. Even today it reveals useful principles and examples.
[Acts 17:11; 2 Timothy 3:14-17; Romans 11:2,4; 15:4; 3:9-18; 1 Corinthians 9:9,10; 1 Timothy 5:18; Hebrews 1:5-14; Romans 9:17; 12:19; James 2:8ff; 1 Corinthians 1:19,31; 3:19,20; 2 Corinthians 4:13; 8:15; 9:9; 1 Peter 1:16; Romans 4:3,23,24; James 2:23ff; Romans 15:25,26]
They used the Scriptures to prove Jesus was the Christ.
Acts 17:2,3 - Paul reasoned from the Scriptures to prove Jesus was the Christ.
Acts 2:24-36 - Peter said prophecies from David were fulfilled in the resurrection of Jesus.
In making such arguments, these inspired men recognized the Old Testament as authority and proof for their positions. This is exactly what people say we today should not do.
[Romans 1:1-4; 2 Peter 2:6-8; Acts 18:24,28; Galatians 3:10,13,22-25; 4:21-31; 1 Cor. 15:1-4]
They cited other New Testament events as fulfilling Old Testament prophecy.
Acts 2:14ff - The coming of the Holy Spirit on Pentecost fulfilled Old Testament prophecy.
Acts 15:13-21 - Old Testament prophecy provided evidence that Gentiles could be saved according to the gospel.
Both Jesus and His apostles recognized that behind the Old Testament Scriptures stood the authority and infallibility of God Himself. If the Scriptures said it, it must be true because that means God said it. The Scriptures were a pattern for future generations. When you know what the Scriptures say, you know what God Himself says.
This serves as a pattern for us (1 Peter 2:21f; 1 Corinthians 11:1; Philippians 3:17; 4:9; etc.). We should have the same attitude toward the completed Scriptures that they had toward the Old Testament Scriptures.
[Acts 1:16,20; 8:32,35; Romans 10:11,13; Galatians 3:8; Acts 7:42; 13:29,33; Romans 11:2-4; Hebrews 8:8-13; 2 Peter 1:19-21; Romans 1:17; 9:13,33; 11:8,26; 14:11; Hebrews 10:7]
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I. The Claims of the Old Testament Concerning Itself
We do not follow the laws of the Old Testament today, but we will be better able to understand the significance of the claims of the New Testament if we first understand the claims the Old Testament writers made concerning their writings.
Note what these writers claimed regarding their writings:
A. The Writers Claimed to Write Commands Given Directly to Them from God for the People.
Exodus 24:3,4 - Moses wrote in a book "all the words of Jehovah" [cf. v1-8].
Deuteronomy 30:9,10 - Moses said God would bless the people "if you obey the voice of the Lord your God, to keep His commandments and His statutes which are written in this Book of the Law." If they disobeyed Him, however, they would be under a curse (cf. 28:58,59).
Jeremiah 30:1-2 - The word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying, "Thus speaks the Lord God of Israel, saying: `Write in a book for yourself all the words that I have spoken to you.'" Jeremiah claimed that God told him to write down in a book the words God spoke to him.
Expressions such as "Thus saith the Lord," or "The word of the Lord came to me," are found literally thousands of times in the Old Testament.
Folks are mistaken when they claim the Bible writers did not know they were writing revelations of God's will intended to serve as law or authority people must follow. They did know it and they said so.
[Cf. Deuteronomy 31:9-13,24-29; Exodus 17:14 & 24:12; 34:1,27,28; Deuteronomy 4:13; 5:22; 10:2,4; Exodus 32:15,16; 31:18; Deuteronomy 9:10; 29:20,21,27; Numbers 33:2; Deuteronomy 27:1-8; Jeremiah 36:2 (see chap. 36); 25:13; 51:60; Isa 30:8; Hab. 2:2; Nahum 1:1; 2 Chronicles 26:22; Joshua 24:26; 1 Samuel 10:25]
B. These Writings Were Intended to Serve as Law or Authority for both the Present Generation and Future Generations.
Deuteronomy 31:24-29,9-13 - The words Moses wrote were a law intended to prevent the people from departing from God. This included future generations.
Deuteronomy 17:18-20 - Future kings of Israel were to have a copy of the law that they might keep them and do them, departing neither to right nor left.
Folks are mistaken when they say the writings were intended only for the current generation to whom they were addressed, not future generations. In fact, the messages were written down for the expressed intent that they would be preserved for people in the future.
[Psalm 102:18; Exodus 17:14; Deuteronomy 28-30; Isaiah 30:8]
C. By God's Guidance, Later Generations Did Use the Old Testament Writings as a Pattern of Authority.
Joshua 1:7,8 - After Moses died, Joshua was told to use the book of the law written by Moses as his guide that he might observe all the commands written therein. When he died, Joshua in turn charged the nation of Israel to follow the commands written by Moses (23:6).
2 Chronicles 34 & 35 - A copy of the law of God given by Moses was found in the temple. Josiah used it to restore the worship and service of God.
Note 34:14-19; Read 34:29-31 - This illustrates perfectly the "restoration principle." God's written word is so designed that, by simply studying and following it, we can restore the pattern of God's service even after years of departure and apostasy.
Nehemiah 8:1-9:3 - A similar example occurred when God's people returned from Babylonian captivity. They restored their service to God by studying the written record of the laws God had revealed.
It is a serious mistake to think that God's word is not intended to serve as a pattern of guidance, or that later generations should not study and adhere to it as the guide for right and wrong. The Scriptures say that is exactly how they should be used. To reject these claims is to say they are not good books at all, but are false and misleading. Why accept them as being from God at all? If they are wrong about this, how could we know what they say is right and what is wrong?
[Nehemiah 13; Ezra 6:18; 7:10; 2 Kings 22,23; Daniel 9:2; 2 Chronicles 17:9; 2 Kings 17:37; Josh 8:30-35; 1 Kings 2:3; 2 Kings 14:6; 1 Chronicles 16:40; 2 Chronicles 23:18; 25:4; 30:5,18; 31:3,4; Ezra 3:2,4; Nehemiah 10:34ff; Daniel 9:11,13; Isaiah 34:16]
Note what these writers claimed regarding their writings:
A. The Writers Claimed to Write Commands Given Directly to Them from God for the People.
Exodus 24:3,4 - Moses wrote in a book "all the words of Jehovah" [cf. v1-8].
Deuteronomy 30:9,10 - Moses said God would bless the people "if you obey the voice of the Lord your God, to keep His commandments and His statutes which are written in this Book of the Law." If they disobeyed Him, however, they would be under a curse (cf. 28:58,59).
Jeremiah 30:1-2 - The word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying, "Thus speaks the Lord God of Israel, saying: `Write in a book for yourself all the words that I have spoken to you.'" Jeremiah claimed that God told him to write down in a book the words God spoke to him.
Expressions such as "Thus saith the Lord," or "The word of the Lord came to me," are found literally thousands of times in the Old Testament.
Folks are mistaken when they claim the Bible writers did not know they were writing revelations of God's will intended to serve as law or authority people must follow. They did know it and they said so.
[Cf. Deuteronomy 31:9-13,24-29; Exodus 17:14 & 24:12; 34:1,27,28; Deuteronomy 4:13; 5:22; 10:2,4; Exodus 32:15,16; 31:18; Deuteronomy 9:10; 29:20,21,27; Numbers 33:2; Deuteronomy 27:1-8; Jeremiah 36:2 (see chap. 36); 25:13; 51:60; Isa 30:8; Hab. 2:2; Nahum 1:1; 2 Chronicles 26:22; Joshua 24:26; 1 Samuel 10:25]
B. These Writings Were Intended to Serve as Law or Authority for both the Present Generation and Future Generations.
Deuteronomy 31:24-29,9-13 - The words Moses wrote were a law intended to prevent the people from departing from God. This included future generations.
Deuteronomy 17:18-20 - Future kings of Israel were to have a copy of the law that they might keep them and do them, departing neither to right nor left.
Folks are mistaken when they say the writings were intended only for the current generation to whom they were addressed, not future generations. In fact, the messages were written down for the expressed intent that they would be preserved for people in the future.
[Psalm 102:18; Exodus 17:14; Deuteronomy 28-30; Isaiah 30:8]
C. By God's Guidance, Later Generations Did Use the Old Testament Writings as a Pattern of Authority.
Joshua 1:7,8 - After Moses died, Joshua was told to use the book of the law written by Moses as his guide that he might observe all the commands written therein. When he died, Joshua in turn charged the nation of Israel to follow the commands written by Moses (23:6).
2 Chronicles 34 & 35 - A copy of the law of God given by Moses was found in the temple. Josiah used it to restore the worship and service of God.
Note 34:14-19; Read 34:29-31 - This illustrates perfectly the "restoration principle." God's written word is so designed that, by simply studying and following it, we can restore the pattern of God's service even after years of departure and apostasy.
Nehemiah 8:1-9:3 - A similar example occurred when God's people returned from Babylonian captivity. They restored their service to God by studying the written record of the laws God had revealed.
It is a serious mistake to think that God's word is not intended to serve as a pattern of guidance, or that later generations should not study and adhere to it as the guide for right and wrong. The Scriptures say that is exactly how they should be used. To reject these claims is to say they are not good books at all, but are false and misleading. Why accept them as being from God at all? If they are wrong about this, how could we know what they say is right and what is wrong?
[Nehemiah 13; Ezra 6:18; 7:10; 2 Kings 22,23; Daniel 9:2; 2 Chronicles 17:9; 2 Kings 17:37; Josh 8:30-35; 1 Kings 2:3; 2 Kings 14:6; 1 Chronicles 16:40; 2 Chronicles 23:18; 25:4; 30:5,18; 31:3,4; Ezra 3:2,4; Nehemiah 10:34ff; Daniel 9:11,13; Isaiah 34:16]
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
The Claims of Scripture:
Did Bible Writers View Their Writings as Divine Revelation ?
Did Bible writers claim to be guided directly by God so their message was the inspired revelation of Divine Will? Did God intend the Scriptures to be a standard of religious authority to guide mankind to eternal life? Should they have been collected and preserved even for future generations? Is the Bible an infallible pattern of Divine instruction and commands even for us today?
Introduction:
Years ago I heard a public discussion between a gospel preacher and a denominational preacher in which the denominational preacher claimed he could write letters like those in the New Testament. He was not claiming to be directly guided by the Holy Spirit to write divine commandments. He meant that, because of his spiritual maturity and wisdom, he could be "inspired" to write helpful spiritual lessons like poets are "inspired" to write poetry.
This illustrates the view that many people today take of Scripture.
* Many people claim that the Bible writers never believed they were writing an infallible message from the mind of God. They just wrote good thoughts like a person today might express his own thoughts and wisdom.
* Still others claim the Bible writers had some good ideas, but they were not intended to be a pattern or Divine commands that men must follow to please God and receive eternal life.
* Other people claim that God never intended for these writings to be collected and preserved for later generations. They were simply intended to benefit the people to whom they were immediately written, not for people of other times and places, certainly not for people today.
The purpose of this study is to examine the claims made by the Scriptures about themselves.
Do they claim to be a message revealed from God Himself to man? Do they claim to be an infallible standard of religious authority for people to obey? Do they claim that people of future generations should study them to learn God's commandments?
Did Bible writers claim to be guided directly by God so their message was the inspired revelation of Divine Will? Did God intend the Scriptures to be a standard of religious authority to guide mankind to eternal life? Should they have been collected and preserved even for future generations? Is the Bible an infallible pattern of Divine instruction and commands even for us today?
Introduction:
Years ago I heard a public discussion between a gospel preacher and a denominational preacher in which the denominational preacher claimed he could write letters like those in the New Testament. He was not claiming to be directly guided by the Holy Spirit to write divine commandments. He meant that, because of his spiritual maturity and wisdom, he could be "inspired" to write helpful spiritual lessons like poets are "inspired" to write poetry.
This illustrates the view that many people today take of Scripture.
* Many people claim that the Bible writers never believed they were writing an infallible message from the mind of God. They just wrote good thoughts like a person today might express his own thoughts and wisdom.
* Still others claim the Bible writers had some good ideas, but they were not intended to be a pattern or Divine commands that men must follow to please God and receive eternal life.
* Other people claim that God never intended for these writings to be collected and preserved for later generations. They were simply intended to benefit the people to whom they were immediately written, not for people of other times and places, certainly not for people today.
The purpose of this study is to examine the claims made by the Scriptures about themselves.
Do they claim to be a message revealed from God Himself to man? Do they claim to be an infallible standard of religious authority for people to obey? Do they claim that people of future generations should study them to learn God's commandments?
Monday, January 26, 2009
IV. The Consequences of Denying Infallible, Verbal Inspiration
When people say the words of the Bible are not all God's words but some are human in origin, or when they say there may be errors in the Bible, consider the consequences.
A. We Are Left without Any Reliable Source of Authority or Guidance in Religion.
Matthew 22:32 - Jesus claimed the Bible language was so exact we can make arguments that rely on the tense of verbs. But if in fact there could be errors in the writings, no such arguments would be reliable. How would we know what parts are correct and reliable and what parts are incorrect and unreliable?
2 Timothy 3:16,17; John 10:35; Acts 3:22,23; Matthew 28:18-20; John 12:48 - Bible writers said the Scriptures were reliable sources of authority and guidance in religion because they were God's will. They said we must accept all that is taught or stand condemned. They said we will be judged by what is taught. They said we must reject all human doctrines that differ from Scripture (Matt. 15:9; Gal. 1:8,9). But if there may be errors in Scripture, then we should obey only the parts that are true. How can we decide what is true and what is not?
B. We Begin a Course of Continual Rejection of Bible Teachings.
When we conclude that the Bible may be in error on some points, we almost invariably begin to question and deny more and more of what it teaches. People may start out saying they don't believe creation (or the Flood, or some other miracle) occurred the way the Bible describes it . Or they may say they don't believe the Bible is correct in its teaching about women being subject to men, or they reject the writings of Paul.
But such denials leave us with no grounds for believing anything else the Bible says. Disbelief is progressive. Whenever we say, "I know the Bible teaches this but I still cannot accept it as true," we have opened the door for more and more unbelief. The camel's nose is in the tent. We have started down the slippery slope. There is no logical stopping point. Soon we deny more and more miracles or more and more doctrines, etc., because we have undermined the foundation of belief.
C. We Deny the Claims of the Bible Writers, Necessarily Implying They Are Liars or False Teachers.
We have seen that the writers said they did speak from God, they did not speak their own ideas, all they said was from God, and therefore it could not be in error. To deny these claims is to say they were lying or insane. In any case, they were not true teachers of God, but by their own statements they must be false teachers. If so, we should not follow their words as having any authority in religion, but should completely reject them as we do the Koran or the Book of Mormon.
The claims of the Bible writers are such that they will not let us take a middle ground, as modernists try to do. Either we must accept the Bible as completely God's word - it is not the word of men, but every word was given by God with no possible errors - or else we must completely reject it as having no authority in religion at all. In that case we must conclude that the Bible is the product of evil, hypocritical men. We cannot say the Bible is a good book but may teach error sometimes.
D. We Deny that Jesus Is God's Divine Son and Make Him too a False Teacher.
Some want to say they believe in Jesus, but don't necessarily believe that everything in the Bible is true.
But the Bible is the only way to know anything about Jesus' life and teaching - John 5:46,47; 20:30,31; Acts 17:23; 18:28; etc.
How can you know Jesus is God's Son and a true prophet without appealing to Scripture? In fact, what good would it do you to believe in Jesus without the Scriptures, since you would have no idea what He did or did not teach?
We have seen that Jesus claimed the Bible was from God, and that both Old and New Testament writers spoke God's will.
He quoted the Old Testament writers as authoritative, and He said the New Testament writers would be guided by the Holy Spirit. If we say this is not true, then we have rejected Jesus and His teachings just the same as we saw, in the last point, that we are rejecting the Bible writers.
Luke 10:16 - Further, Jesus said that, if we receive His apostles and prophets we receive Him, but if we reject them we reject Him and His Father. Hence, if we say these men may have taught error, then as we have seen, we are rejecting what they said, and therefore rejecting Him.
E. We Bring the Curse of God on Ourselves.
To claim there are errors in Scripture is to reject the claims of the Bible writers and the claims of Jesus Himself. We cannot disbelieve those teachings and yet have the blessings those teachings offer.
Galatians 1:8,9 - If we preach a different gospel, we are accursed. But the gospel says, even in the context of this passage (vv 11,12), that the message is from God not man, therefore it is infallible, etc. If we say this is not so, we preach a different gospel and we are accursed.
1 Thessalonians 4:8 - To reject what the inspired men said is to reject, not men, but God, because God guided the men by the Holy Spirit. The men said what they wrote was God's word, not their own. If this is true and you reject, then you have rejected the word of God Himself.
Conclusion
There is no middle ground. We must accept the Bible as exactly what it claims to be: God's verbally inspired and infallible word. Or else we must reject it completely and give it no weight of authority in our lives at all.
To decide which to believe, we must consider the evidence that it is or is not from God (fulfilled prophecy, unity, miracles, etc.). This is material for another study (see links below). But to compromise and say we believe some of it but not all of it, is to take a position that the teachings of the Bible itself will not allow.
What is your view of Scripture? Do you accept it? If so, have you obeyed it?
A. We Are Left without Any Reliable Source of Authority or Guidance in Religion.
Matthew 22:32 - Jesus claimed the Bible language was so exact we can make arguments that rely on the tense of verbs. But if in fact there could be errors in the writings, no such arguments would be reliable. How would we know what parts are correct and reliable and what parts are incorrect and unreliable?
2 Timothy 3:16,17; John 10:35; Acts 3:22,23; Matthew 28:18-20; John 12:48 - Bible writers said the Scriptures were reliable sources of authority and guidance in religion because they were God's will. They said we must accept all that is taught or stand condemned. They said we will be judged by what is taught. They said we must reject all human doctrines that differ from Scripture (Matt. 15:9; Gal. 1:8,9). But if there may be errors in Scripture, then we should obey only the parts that are true. How can we decide what is true and what is not?
B. We Begin a Course of Continual Rejection of Bible Teachings.
When we conclude that the Bible may be in error on some points, we almost invariably begin to question and deny more and more of what it teaches. People may start out saying they don't believe creation (or the Flood, or some other miracle) occurred the way the Bible describes it . Or they may say they don't believe the Bible is correct in its teaching about women being subject to men, or they reject the writings of Paul.
But such denials leave us with no grounds for believing anything else the Bible says. Disbelief is progressive. Whenever we say, "I know the Bible teaches this but I still cannot accept it as true," we have opened the door for more and more unbelief. The camel's nose is in the tent. We have started down the slippery slope. There is no logical stopping point. Soon we deny more and more miracles or more and more doctrines, etc., because we have undermined the foundation of belief.
C. We Deny the Claims of the Bible Writers, Necessarily Implying They Are Liars or False Teachers.
We have seen that the writers said they did speak from God, they did not speak their own ideas, all they said was from God, and therefore it could not be in error. To deny these claims is to say they were lying or insane. In any case, they were not true teachers of God, but by their own statements they must be false teachers. If so, we should not follow their words as having any authority in religion, but should completely reject them as we do the Koran or the Book of Mormon.
The claims of the Bible writers are such that they will not let us take a middle ground, as modernists try to do. Either we must accept the Bible as completely God's word - it is not the word of men, but every word was given by God with no possible errors - or else we must completely reject it as having no authority in religion at all. In that case we must conclude that the Bible is the product of evil, hypocritical men. We cannot say the Bible is a good book but may teach error sometimes.
D. We Deny that Jesus Is God's Divine Son and Make Him too a False Teacher.
Some want to say they believe in Jesus, but don't necessarily believe that everything in the Bible is true.
But the Bible is the only way to know anything about Jesus' life and teaching - John 5:46,47; 20:30,31; Acts 17:23; 18:28; etc.
How can you know Jesus is God's Son and a true prophet without appealing to Scripture? In fact, what good would it do you to believe in Jesus without the Scriptures, since you would have no idea what He did or did not teach?
We have seen that Jesus claimed the Bible was from God, and that both Old and New Testament writers spoke God's will.
He quoted the Old Testament writers as authoritative, and He said the New Testament writers would be guided by the Holy Spirit. If we say this is not true, then we have rejected Jesus and His teachings just the same as we saw, in the last point, that we are rejecting the Bible writers.
Luke 10:16 - Further, Jesus said that, if we receive His apostles and prophets we receive Him, but if we reject them we reject Him and His Father. Hence, if we say these men may have taught error, then as we have seen, we are rejecting what they said, and therefore rejecting Him.
E. We Bring the Curse of God on Ourselves.
To claim there are errors in Scripture is to reject the claims of the Bible writers and the claims of Jesus Himself. We cannot disbelieve those teachings and yet have the blessings those teachings offer.
Galatians 1:8,9 - If we preach a different gospel, we are accursed. But the gospel says, even in the context of this passage (vv 11,12), that the message is from God not man, therefore it is infallible, etc. If we say this is not so, we preach a different gospel and we are accursed.
1 Thessalonians 4:8 - To reject what the inspired men said is to reject, not men, but God, because God guided the men by the Holy Spirit. The men said what they wrote was God's word, not their own. If this is true and you reject, then you have rejected the word of God Himself.
Conclusion
There is no middle ground. We must accept the Bible as exactly what it claims to be: God's verbally inspired and infallible word. Or else we must reject it completely and give it no weight of authority in our lives at all.
To decide which to believe, we must consider the evidence that it is or is not from God (fulfilled prophecy, unity, miracles, etc.). This is material for another study (see links below). But to compromise and say we believe some of it but not all of it, is to take a position that the teachings of the Bible itself will not allow.
What is your view of Scripture? Do you accept it? If so, have you obeyed it?
Sunday, January 25, 2009
III. These Are True Words - No Errors in Scripture
Revelation 19:9 - These are true sayings of God. If the men chose the words in the writing of Scripture, some say maybe there are errors in it. But if every word is from God, then there cannot be errors because God is infallible and makes no errors.
Numbers 22:35,38; 23:5,12,16,19,20 - A prophet must speak what God says. But God does not lie nor repent. He does not deliberately tell things not true, and he cannot make mistakes because of lack of knowledge since He knows everything. So there cannot be anything untrue in what He reveals.
Deuteronomy 18:18-22 - The test of a prophet is, if he makes a mistake in prophetic utterance, he is not from God. Don't fear him.
Note: if a man claims to be a prophet, but he makes a mistake in his prophetic speech, then the thing you know is that God did not send him at all, so don't accept anything he says as being revealed by God. In truth he is a false teacher. Some say they accept some of the Bible, but reject other parts of it; this passage says take it all or reject it completely.
Psalm 19:7-9 - God's word is perfect, right, true.Psalm 33:4 - God's word is right & done faithfully.Psalm 119:128,142,160 - All God's precepts are right.John 17:17 - God's word is truth.Romans 3:4 - Let God be true, though men may lie.Titus 1:2,3 - God, who can't lie, manifested the word.Hebrews 6:18 - It is impossible for God to lie.Revelation 21:5 - The words written are true and faithful.
If one claims that the Bible errs, then either he must completely reject the Bible as God's will, or else He is saying that God is not infallible. For the Bible says it is all from God, and it says any teacher should be rejected if he says he speaks for God when he doesn't. If the message is in error anywhere, then either the speaker is not from God at all or else God made a mistake!
Hence, we must conclude that there are no errors at all in the Bible writings. This is sometimes referred to by saying the Scriptures are "infallible and inerrant." To truly believe the Bible is inspired one must believe there were no errors in what the men wrote.
[Psa 147:4,5; Job 37:16; 1 Peter 5:12; Galatians 1:20; John 10:35; Jas 1:25]
Numbers 22:35,38; 23:5,12,16,19,20 - A prophet must speak what God says. But God does not lie nor repent. He does not deliberately tell things not true, and he cannot make mistakes because of lack of knowledge since He knows everything. So there cannot be anything untrue in what He reveals.
Deuteronomy 18:18-22 - The test of a prophet is, if he makes a mistake in prophetic utterance, he is not from God. Don't fear him.
Note: if a man claims to be a prophet, but he makes a mistake in his prophetic speech, then the thing you know is that God did not send him at all, so don't accept anything he says as being revealed by God. In truth he is a false teacher. Some say they accept some of the Bible, but reject other parts of it; this passage says take it all or reject it completely.
Psalm 19:7-9 - God's word is perfect, right, true.Psalm 33:4 - God's word is right & done faithfully.Psalm 119:128,142,160 - All God's precepts are right.John 17:17 - God's word is truth.Romans 3:4 - Let God be true, though men may lie.Titus 1:2,3 - God, who can't lie, manifested the word.Hebrews 6:18 - It is impossible for God to lie.Revelation 21:5 - The words written are true and faithful.
If one claims that the Bible errs, then either he must completely reject the Bible as God's will, or else He is saying that God is not infallible. For the Bible says it is all from God, and it says any teacher should be rejected if he says he speaks for God when he doesn't. If the message is in error anywhere, then either the speaker is not from God at all or else God made a mistake!
Hence, we must conclude that there are no errors at all in the Bible writings. This is sometimes referred to by saying the Scriptures are "infallible and inerrant." To truly believe the Bible is inspired one must believe there were no errors in what the men wrote.
[Psa 147:4,5; Job 37:16; 1 Peter 5:12; Galatians 1:20; John 10:35; Jas 1:25]
Saturday, January 24, 2009
II. These Are Words of God - God Gave the Words.
Revelation 19:9 - These are true sayings ("words" - ASV) of God. God did not just give the ideas and let men choose the words to express them. God guided the men in the very words they chose so that every word was the word God wanted, not the words the men chose by human wisdom. This is exactly what 2 Peter 1:20,21 said. Note other Scriptures.
Exodus 4:14-16; 7:1,2 - In calling Moses, God defined the work of a prophet. Aaron was Moses' "prophet" like Moses was God's prophet. A prophet was a spokesman. The one who originated the message put the words in the prophet's mouth.
The point is that Moses claimed he could not speak well. He thought it would be up to him to express the ideas God gave him (like some people think today). God said He would be with the prophet's mouth. It wasn't up to the prophet to decide the words. He just spoke what words God put in his mouth.
Exodus 24:3,4,8 - Moses gave the words the Lord spoke.Deuteronomy 18:18-22 - God put His words in prophet's mouth.2 Samuel 23:2 - The Spirit's word was on my tongue.Isaiah 51:16 - I [God] put my words in your mouth.Isaiah 59:21 - My words which I put in your mouth.Jeremiah 1:4-9 - I have put My words in your mouth.Jeremiah 30:1-4 - Write all the words I have spoken.Jeremiah 36:1-4 - Write all the words I have spoken.Ezekiel 3:4 - Speak with My words to them Zech. 7:12 -The words the Lord sent by His Spirit.Matthew 10:19,20 - Given by Spirit what and how to speak.
1 Corinthians 2:4 - Preaching was not in words of human wisdom, so faith would not stand in man's wisdom but in power of Spirit. This could only be so if the words were given by the Spirit, not by the man.
1 Corinthians 2:10-13 - The message spoken was given to the men by the Spirit. Then they spoke in words taught them by the Spirit not by man. If the Spirit just gave the ideas and the men chose the words, this would be just the opposite of what this verse teaches.
What these passages describe is sometimes called "verbal" inspiration. To truly believe the Bible is inspired, one must believe every word is exactly the word God wanted.
This does not mean there is no human element in the words, for God used the men as they were with their human language, human vocabulary, human forms of expressions, and sometimes even the knowledge they had gained by research of personal eyewitness, etc. (Luke 1:1-4; 1 Cor. 15:1-8). But God then used them as they were and guided them to speak the words that accurately expressed His will.
[Exodus 32:15,16; 24:12; 34:1, 27,28; 31:18; 20:1; Numbers 22:35; 23:5,12,16; Ezek 1:3; Hos 1:1; 2 Peter 1:20,21; Jeremiah 25:13]
Exodus 4:14-16; 7:1,2 - In calling Moses, God defined the work of a prophet. Aaron was Moses' "prophet" like Moses was God's prophet. A prophet was a spokesman. The one who originated the message put the words in the prophet's mouth.
The point is that Moses claimed he could not speak well. He thought it would be up to him to express the ideas God gave him (like some people think today). God said He would be with the prophet's mouth. It wasn't up to the prophet to decide the words. He just spoke what words God put in his mouth.
Exodus 24:3,4,8 - Moses gave the words the Lord spoke.Deuteronomy 18:18-22 - God put His words in prophet's mouth.2 Samuel 23:2 - The Spirit's word was on my tongue.Isaiah 51:16 - I [God] put my words in your mouth.Isaiah 59:21 - My words which I put in your mouth.Jeremiah 1:4-9 - I have put My words in your mouth.Jeremiah 30:1-4 - Write all the words I have spoken.Jeremiah 36:1-4 - Write all the words I have spoken.Ezekiel 3:4 - Speak with My words to them Zech. 7:12 -The words the Lord sent by His Spirit.Matthew 10:19,20 - Given by Spirit what and how to speak.
1 Corinthians 2:4 - Preaching was not in words of human wisdom, so faith would not stand in man's wisdom but in power of Spirit. This could only be so if the words were given by the Spirit, not by the man.
1 Corinthians 2:10-13 - The message spoken was given to the men by the Spirit. Then they spoke in words taught them by the Spirit not by man. If the Spirit just gave the ideas and the men chose the words, this would be just the opposite of what this verse teaches.
What these passages describe is sometimes called "verbal" inspiration. To truly believe the Bible is inspired, one must believe every word is exactly the word God wanted.
This does not mean there is no human element in the words, for God used the men as they were with their human language, human vocabulary, human forms of expressions, and sometimes even the knowledge they had gained by research of personal eyewitness, etc. (Luke 1:1-4; 1 Cor. 15:1-8). But God then used them as they were and guided them to speak the words that accurately expressed His will.
[Exodus 32:15,16; 24:12; 34:1, 27,28; 31:18; 20:1; Numbers 22:35; 23:5,12,16; Ezek 1:3; Hos 1:1; 2 Peter 1:20,21; Jeremiah 25:13]
Friday, January 23, 2009
D. The Writers Denied They Wrote by Human Wisdom
Some people think the writers wrote some ideas that were their own. Hence, the Bible may contain some things from God, but it may also contain some things the writers originated without Divine guidance. What do the Bible writers say about this?
Jeremiah 14:14 - If a man speaks as though he has a message from God when God really did not speak to him and the message is just his own idea, that man is a false prophet and deserves to be punished and rejected as a prophet (23:16,26; Ezekiel 13:2-7,17).
Clearly if the Bible writers wrote a message of their own origin, then they are condemned as false prophets by their own words.
Ezekiel 3:26,27 - A prophet was not to speak until God opens his mouth ... When God did move him to speak it would be a thus says the Lord God.
Matthew 10:19,20 - It is not you who speaks but the spirit of the Father speaks in you.
1 Corinthians 2:4,5 - Preaching was not with words of human wisdom. Their faith should not stand in the wisdom of men but power of God. Faith is based on the message preached (Romans 10:17). To the extent the message is human in origin, then the faith rests in the men who originated it. Paul expressly did not want their faith to rest on human wisdom but in God's wisdom and power.
Galatians 1:8-12 - The gospel came not from man but was revealed from Jesus. To preach another is to be accursed. Hence, to preach a message that is human in origin is to bring God's curse upon us.
1 Thessalonians 2:13 - The message is not word of men but the word of God.
2 Peter 1:20,21 - Prophecy never came by will of man, but holy men spoke as moved by the Holy Spirit.
Revelation 22:18,19 - If men add their teachings to the book, God will add the plagues written. They were not just forbidden to write something entirely human. They were forbidden to take a message from God and then add something human to it.
The writers themselves say they did not write human ideas, but it was God's will. They said if anyone did put in human ideas, God's curse would be on them and they deserved to be destroyed. If we claim there are human ideas in the writings, then we are calling the men liars, false teachers, deserving of punishment.
[Numbers 22:35; chap. 23 (see below); Deuteronomy 18:18-22; Matthew 15:9]
E. The Writers Claimed Inspiration for Everything in Scripture
The writers did not claim that part of their writings were God's will and maybe part was not. They claimed everything they wrote was from God so it was all authoritative.
This follows from the last point. The writers were prohibited from adding anything human. If anything human was added, they were under a curse. Hence, if none of it is human, then all of it must be of God.
Note also the following Scriptures:
Exodus 24:3,4,7,8 - God's will included all that was written. The people agreed to keep it all. But man-made teachings are not authoritative such that men must obey them in religion (Matthew 15:9). If all must be obeyed, then all must be from God.
Deuteronomy 17:18-20 - The king was to copy the law and keep all that was written.
Joshua 1:7,8 - Joshua was to observe all written in the book.
Matthew 4:4 - Man must live by every word from the mouth of God.
2 Timothy 3:16,17 - All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching & furnishing to all good works.
The belief that we should obey everything Scripture requires of us goes hand in hand with belief that it is all God's word. Invariably when people begin to say there may be some parts of the Bible that are not from God or not accurate, you soon find there are Biblical requirements that they do not want to obey.
There is simply no reason to believe you must obey all Biblical requirements unless you believe it is all accurately God's word. Bible passages claiming we must obey it all, then are saying necessarily that it is all inspired.
Note especially these passages from 2 Peter:
2 Peter 1:20,21 - No Scripture is of private interpretation; for prophecy never came by will of man, but men spoke as moved by the Holy Spirit. Consider the significance of "interpretation" here. The context shows the reference is to the prophets who wrote the Scriptures, not to the readers of the Scriptures.
Note: For (this explains the previous statement) prophecy never came by will of man, but men spoke as moved by the Holy Spirit. The passage is discussing how prophecy came and how prophets spoke, not how it is studied.
If God just gave ideas and men explained them as they thought best, Scripture would be of private interpretation (like the difference between what the president says and what the news commentators say about what the president said)! But this is not the case with any Scripture or any prophecy.
Instead, the men spoke as moved by the Spirit. The Spirit carried them along to a destination of His choosing, not of the prophets' choosing (like a person carrying a burden - Luke 23:26, or a ship being borne by the wind - Acts 27:15,17). This passage directly disproves the view that God gave men ideas and they explained them as best they could by human wisdom.
2 Peter 3:15,16 - This concept of inspiration applies to the New Testament as well as to the Old Testament, because later in the same book Peter said writings of Paul in the New Testament are Scripture like "other Scriptures." [Cf. 1 Timothy 5:18 to Luke 10:7]
[John 14:26; 16:13: Deuteronomy 31:9-13; 18:18-22; Josh 23:6; Jeremiah 25:13; 30:1-4; 26:1-4; Acts 3:22,23; Mat. 28:18-20;
Jeremiah 14:14 - If a man speaks as though he has a message from God when God really did not speak to him and the message is just his own idea, that man is a false prophet and deserves to be punished and rejected as a prophet (23:16,26; Ezekiel 13:2-7,17).
Clearly if the Bible writers wrote a message of their own origin, then they are condemned as false prophets by their own words.
Ezekiel 3:26,27 - A prophet was not to speak until God opens his mouth ... When God did move him to speak it would be a thus says the Lord God.
Matthew 10:19,20 - It is not you who speaks but the spirit of the Father speaks in you.
1 Corinthians 2:4,5 - Preaching was not with words of human wisdom. Their faith should not stand in the wisdom of men but power of God. Faith is based on the message preached (Romans 10:17). To the extent the message is human in origin, then the faith rests in the men who originated it. Paul expressly did not want their faith to rest on human wisdom but in God's wisdom and power.
Galatians 1:8-12 - The gospel came not from man but was revealed from Jesus. To preach another is to be accursed. Hence, to preach a message that is human in origin is to bring God's curse upon us.
1 Thessalonians 2:13 - The message is not word of men but the word of God.
2 Peter 1:20,21 - Prophecy never came by will of man, but holy men spoke as moved by the Holy Spirit.
Revelation 22:18,19 - If men add their teachings to the book, God will add the plagues written. They were not just forbidden to write something entirely human. They were forbidden to take a message from God and then add something human to it.
The writers themselves say they did not write human ideas, but it was God's will. They said if anyone did put in human ideas, God's curse would be on them and they deserved to be destroyed. If we claim there are human ideas in the writings, then we are calling the men liars, false teachers, deserving of punishment.
[Numbers 22:35; chap. 23 (see below); Deuteronomy 18:18-22; Matthew 15:9]
E. The Writers Claimed Inspiration for Everything in Scripture
The writers did not claim that part of their writings were God's will and maybe part was not. They claimed everything they wrote was from God so it was all authoritative.
This follows from the last point. The writers were prohibited from adding anything human. If anything human was added, they were under a curse. Hence, if none of it is human, then all of it must be of God.
Note also the following Scriptures:
Exodus 24:3,4,7,8 - God's will included all that was written. The people agreed to keep it all. But man-made teachings are not authoritative such that men must obey them in religion (Matthew 15:9). If all must be obeyed, then all must be from God.
Deuteronomy 17:18-20 - The king was to copy the law and keep all that was written.
Joshua 1:7,8 - Joshua was to observe all written in the book.
Matthew 4:4 - Man must live by every word from the mouth of God.
2 Timothy 3:16,17 - All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching & furnishing to all good works.
The belief that we should obey everything Scripture requires of us goes hand in hand with belief that it is all God's word. Invariably when people begin to say there may be some parts of the Bible that are not from God or not accurate, you soon find there are Biblical requirements that they do not want to obey.
There is simply no reason to believe you must obey all Biblical requirements unless you believe it is all accurately God's word. Bible passages claiming we must obey it all, then are saying necessarily that it is all inspired.
Note especially these passages from 2 Peter:
2 Peter 1:20,21 - No Scripture is of private interpretation; for prophecy never came by will of man, but men spoke as moved by the Holy Spirit. Consider the significance of "interpretation" here. The context shows the reference is to the prophets who wrote the Scriptures, not to the readers of the Scriptures.
Note: For (this explains the previous statement) prophecy never came by will of man, but men spoke as moved by the Holy Spirit. The passage is discussing how prophecy came and how prophets spoke, not how it is studied.
If God just gave ideas and men explained them as they thought best, Scripture would be of private interpretation (like the difference between what the president says and what the news commentators say about what the president said)! But this is not the case with any Scripture or any prophecy.
Instead, the men spoke as moved by the Spirit. The Spirit carried them along to a destination of His choosing, not of the prophets' choosing (like a person carrying a burden - Luke 23:26, or a ship being borne by the wind - Acts 27:15,17). This passage directly disproves the view that God gave men ideas and they explained them as best they could by human wisdom.
2 Peter 3:15,16 - This concept of inspiration applies to the New Testament as well as to the Old Testament, because later in the same book Peter said writings of Paul in the New Testament are Scripture like "other Scriptures." [Cf. 1 Timothy 5:18 to Luke 10:7]
[John 14:26; 16:13: Deuteronomy 31:9-13; 18:18-22; Josh 23:6; Jeremiah 25:13; 30:1-4; 26:1-4; Acts 3:22,23; Mat. 28:18-20;
D. The Writers Denied They Wrote by Human Wisdom
Some people think the writers wrote some ideas that were their own. Hence, the Bible may contain some things from God, but it may also contain some things the writers originated without Divine guidance. What do the Bible writers say about this?
Jeremiah 14:14 - If a man speaks as though he has a message from God when God really did not speak to him and the message is just his own idea, that man is a false prophet and deserves to be punished and rejected as a prophet (23:16,26; Ezekiel 13:2-7,17).
Clearly if the Bible writers wrote a message of their own origin, then they are condemned as false prophets by their own words.
Ezekiel 3:26,27 - A prophet was not to speak until God opens his mouth ... When God did move him to speak it would be a thus says the Lord God.
Matthew 10:19,20 - It is not you who speaks but the spirit of the Father speaks in you.
1 Corinthians 2:4,5 - Preaching was not with words of human wisdom. Their faith should not stand in the wisdom of men but power of God. Faith is based on the message preached (Romans 10:17). To the extent the message is human in origin, then the faith rests in the men who originated it. Paul expressly did not want their faith to rest on human wisdom but in God's wisdom and power.
Galatians 1:8-12 - The gospel came not from man but was revealed from Jesus. To preach another is to be accursed. Hence, to preach a message that is human in origin is to bring God's curse upon us.
1 Thessalonians 2:13 - The message is not word of men but the word of God.
2 Peter 1:20,21 - Prophecy never came by will of man, but holy men spoke as moved by the Holy Spirit.
Revelation 22:18,19 - If men add their teachings to the book, God will add the plagues written. They were not just forbidden to write something entirely human. They were forbidden to take a message from God and then add something human to it.
The writers themselves say they did not write human ideas, but it was God's will. They said if anyone did put in human ideas, God's curse would be on them and they deserved to be destroyed. If we claim there are human ideas in the writings, then we are calling the men liars, false teachers, deserving of punishment.
[Numbers 22:35; chap. 23 (see below); Deuteronomy 18:18-22; Matthew 15:9]
E. The Writers Claimed Inspiration for Everything in Scripture
The writers did not claim that part of their writings were God's will and maybe part was not. They claimed everything they wrote was from God so it was all authoritative.
This follows from the last point. The writers were prohibited from adding anything human. If anything human was added, they were under a curse. Hence, if none of it is human, then all of it must be of God.
Note also the following Scriptures:
Exodus 24:3,4,7,8 - God's will included all that was written. The people agreed to keep it all. But man-made teachings are not authoritative such that men must obey them in religion (Matthew 15:9). If all must be obeyed, then all must be from God.
Deuteronomy 17:18-20 - The king was to copy the law and keep all that was written.
Joshua 1:7,8 - Joshua was to observe all written in the book.
Matthew 4:4 - Man must live by every word from the mouth of God.
2 Timothy 3:16,17 - All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching & furnishing to all good works.
The belief that we should obey everything Scripture requires of us goes hand in hand with belief that it is all God's word. Invariably when people begin to say there may be some parts of the Bible that are not from God or not accurate, you soon find there are Biblical requirements that they do not want to obey.
There is simply no reason to believe you must obey all Biblical requirements unless you believe it is all accurately God's word. Bible passages claiming we must obey it all, then are saying necessarily that it is all inspired.
Note especially these passages from 2 Peter:
2 Peter 1:20,21 - No Scripture is of private interpretation; for prophecy never came by will of man, but men spoke as moved by the Holy Spirit. Consider the significance of "interpretation" here. The context shows the reference is to the prophets who wrote the Scriptures, not to the readers of the Scriptures.
Note: For (this explains the previous statement) prophecy never came by will of man, but men spoke as moved by the Holy Spirit. The passage is discussing how prophecy came and how prophets spoke, not how it is studied.
If God just gave ideas and men explained them as they thought best, Scripture would be of private interpretation (like the difference between what the president says and what the news commentators say about what the president said)! But this is not the case with any Scripture or any prophecy.
Instead, the men spoke as moved by the Spirit. The Spirit carried them along to a destination of His choosing, not of the prophets' choosing (like a person carrying a burden - Luke 23:26, or a ship being borne by the wind - Acts 27:15,17). This passage directly disproves the view that God gave men ideas and they explained them as best they could by human wisdom.
2 Peter 3:15,16 - This concept of inspiration applies to the New Testament as well as to the Old Testament, because later in the same book Peter said writings of Paul in the New Testament are Scripture like "other Scriptures." [Cf. 1 Timothy 5:18 to Luke 10:7]
[John 14:26; 16:13: Deuteronomy 31:9-13; 18:18-22; Josh 23:6; Jeremiah 25:13; 30:1-4; 26:1-4; Acts 3:22,23; Mat. 28:18-20;
Jeremiah 14:14 - If a man speaks as though he has a message from God when God really did not speak to him and the message is just his own idea, that man is a false prophet and deserves to be punished and rejected as a prophet (23:16,26; Ezekiel 13:2-7,17).
Clearly if the Bible writers wrote a message of their own origin, then they are condemned as false prophets by their own words.
Ezekiel 3:26,27 - A prophet was not to speak until God opens his mouth ... When God did move him to speak it would be a thus says the Lord God.
Matthew 10:19,20 - It is not you who speaks but the spirit of the Father speaks in you.
1 Corinthians 2:4,5 - Preaching was not with words of human wisdom. Their faith should not stand in the wisdom of men but power of God. Faith is based on the message preached (Romans 10:17). To the extent the message is human in origin, then the faith rests in the men who originated it. Paul expressly did not want their faith to rest on human wisdom but in God's wisdom and power.
Galatians 1:8-12 - The gospel came not from man but was revealed from Jesus. To preach another is to be accursed. Hence, to preach a message that is human in origin is to bring God's curse upon us.
1 Thessalonians 2:13 - The message is not word of men but the word of God.
2 Peter 1:20,21 - Prophecy never came by will of man, but holy men spoke as moved by the Holy Spirit.
Revelation 22:18,19 - If men add their teachings to the book, God will add the plagues written. They were not just forbidden to write something entirely human. They were forbidden to take a message from God and then add something human to it.
The writers themselves say they did not write human ideas, but it was God's will. They said if anyone did put in human ideas, God's curse would be on them and they deserved to be destroyed. If we claim there are human ideas in the writings, then we are calling the men liars, false teachers, deserving of punishment.
[Numbers 22:35; chap. 23 (see below); Deuteronomy 18:18-22; Matthew 15:9]
E. The Writers Claimed Inspiration for Everything in Scripture
The writers did not claim that part of their writings were God's will and maybe part was not. They claimed everything they wrote was from God so it was all authoritative.
This follows from the last point. The writers were prohibited from adding anything human. If anything human was added, they were under a curse. Hence, if none of it is human, then all of it must be of God.
Note also the following Scriptures:
Exodus 24:3,4,7,8 - God's will included all that was written. The people agreed to keep it all. But man-made teachings are not authoritative such that men must obey them in religion (Matthew 15:9). If all must be obeyed, then all must be from God.
Deuteronomy 17:18-20 - The king was to copy the law and keep all that was written.
Joshua 1:7,8 - Joshua was to observe all written in the book.
Matthew 4:4 - Man must live by every word from the mouth of God.
2 Timothy 3:16,17 - All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching & furnishing to all good works.
The belief that we should obey everything Scripture requires of us goes hand in hand with belief that it is all God's word. Invariably when people begin to say there may be some parts of the Bible that are not from God or not accurate, you soon find there are Biblical requirements that they do not want to obey.
There is simply no reason to believe you must obey all Biblical requirements unless you believe it is all accurately God's word. Bible passages claiming we must obey it all, then are saying necessarily that it is all inspired.
Note especially these passages from 2 Peter:
2 Peter 1:20,21 - No Scripture is of private interpretation; for prophecy never came by will of man, but men spoke as moved by the Holy Spirit. Consider the significance of "interpretation" here. The context shows the reference is to the prophets who wrote the Scriptures, not to the readers of the Scriptures.
Note: For (this explains the previous statement) prophecy never came by will of man, but men spoke as moved by the Holy Spirit. The passage is discussing how prophecy came and how prophets spoke, not how it is studied.
If God just gave ideas and men explained them as they thought best, Scripture would be of private interpretation (like the difference between what the president says and what the news commentators say about what the president said)! But this is not the case with any Scripture or any prophecy.
Instead, the men spoke as moved by the Spirit. The Spirit carried them along to a destination of His choosing, not of the prophets' choosing (like a person carrying a burden - Luke 23:26, or a ship being borne by the wind - Acts 27:15,17). This passage directly disproves the view that God gave men ideas and they explained them as best they could by human wisdom.
2 Peter 3:15,16 - This concept of inspiration applies to the New Testament as well as to the Old Testament, because later in the same book Peter said writings of Paul in the New Testament are Scripture like "other Scriptures." [Cf. 1 Timothy 5:18 to Luke 10:7]
[John 14:26; 16:13: Deuteronomy 31:9-13; 18:18-22; Josh 23:6; Jeremiah 25:13; 30:1-4; 26:1-4; Acts 3:22,23; Mat. 28:18-20;
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I. These Words Are from God
- A Message Originating with God
Revelation 19:9 - John claimed "These are true words of God".
Consider what other Bible writers claimed for their writings. Did they actually claim God guided their writings or is this something modern people attributed to them though they never claimed it? Are there just one or two references about it, or is this something they claimed frequently?
A. Old Testament Writers Claimed Their Message Was from God
Isaiah 1:2 - The Lord has spoken.Jeremiah 10:1,2 - Hear the word which the Lord speaks. Thus says the Lord... Ezekiel 1:3 - The word of the Lord came expressly.Hosea 1:1,2 - The word of the Lord that came ... the Lord began to speak by Hosea, the Lord said... Jonah 1:1 - The word of the Lord came to Jonah.Micah 1:1 - The word of the Lord that came to Micah.Zech. 1:1 - The word of the Lord came to Zechariah.
[See also Joel 1:2; Amos 1:3,6, etc; Obad. 1:1; Zeph. 1:1; Hab. 2:2; Deuteronomy 30:9,10; Numbers 12:6-8; 23:5,12,16,19; plus see references in other sections.]
B. New Testament Writers Claimed Their Message Was from God
1 Corinthians 14:37 - The things I write are commands of Lord.
Ephesians 3:3-5 - The things Paul wrote were made known to him by revelation. Formerly these things were not known but have now been revealed by the Spirit to apostles & prophets.
1 Thessalonians 4:15 - We say by the word of the Lord.
1 Timothy 4:1 - The Spirit expressly says.
[2 Thessalonians 3:12; John 12:48-50; Acts 16:32; Romans 1:16; 1 Thessalonians 1:5]
C. Inspired Men Claimed that What Other Writers Wrote Was from God.
Matthew 1:22 - A quotation was spoken by the Lord through the prophet.
Matthew 2:15 - Another passage was spoken by the Lord through the prophet.
Acts 1:16 - The Spirit spoke by the mouth of David.
Acts 28:25 - The Holy Spirit spoke by Isaiah ... prophet.
Hebrews 1:1,2 - God spoke in times past to the fathers by prophets. But now He has spoken to us by His Son.
Matthew 15:4 - Jesus Himself confirmed that Scriptures were from God. He quoted the Law revealed through Moses and said it was what God commanded.
Matthew 22:29-32 - He said the Scriptures were spoken by God.
Luke 10:16 - He also confirmed the inspiration of the New Testament for He told the apostles who wrote it: He who hears you, hears Me; he who rejects you rejects Me and rejects Him who sent Me
John 16:13 - He promised the men who penned the New Testament that the Spirit would guide them into all truth
To deny or question that the Bible writers spoke from God is to deny and reject the truthfulness of their own statements about themselves, their statements about one another, and Jesus' statements about Scriptures.
[Matthew 19:4-6; John 10:35; 2 Chronicles 34:14-19; Isaiah 2:1-3; Matthew 22:43; Romans 1:1,2; Hebrews 3:7; 1 Peter 1:10-12; 2 Peter 1:20f; 3:15f; Acts 4:24f]
Revelation 19:9 - John claimed "These are true words of God".
Consider what other Bible writers claimed for their writings. Did they actually claim God guided their writings or is this something modern people attributed to them though they never claimed it? Are there just one or two references about it, or is this something they claimed frequently?
A. Old Testament Writers Claimed Their Message Was from God
Isaiah 1:2 - The Lord has spoken.Jeremiah 10:1,2 - Hear the word which the Lord speaks. Thus says the Lord... Ezekiel 1:3 - The word of the Lord came expressly.Hosea 1:1,2 - The word of the Lord that came ... the Lord began to speak by Hosea, the Lord said... Jonah 1:1 - The word of the Lord came to Jonah.Micah 1:1 - The word of the Lord that came to Micah.Zech. 1:1 - The word of the Lord came to Zechariah.
[See also Joel 1:2; Amos 1:3,6, etc; Obad. 1:1; Zeph. 1:1; Hab. 2:2; Deuteronomy 30:9,10; Numbers 12:6-8; 23:5,12,16,19; plus see references in other sections.]
B. New Testament Writers Claimed Their Message Was from God
1 Corinthians 14:37 - The things I write are commands of Lord.
Ephesians 3:3-5 - The things Paul wrote were made known to him by revelation. Formerly these things were not known but have now been revealed by the Spirit to apostles & prophets.
1 Thessalonians 4:15 - We say by the word of the Lord.
1 Timothy 4:1 - The Spirit expressly says.
[2 Thessalonians 3:12; John 12:48-50; Acts 16:32; Romans 1:16; 1 Thessalonians 1:5]
C. Inspired Men Claimed that What Other Writers Wrote Was from God.
Matthew 1:22 - A quotation was spoken by the Lord through the prophet.
Matthew 2:15 - Another passage was spoken by the Lord through the prophet.
Acts 1:16 - The Spirit spoke by the mouth of David.
Acts 28:25 - The Holy Spirit spoke by Isaiah ... prophet.
Hebrews 1:1,2 - God spoke in times past to the fathers by prophets. But now He has spoken to us by His Son.
Matthew 15:4 - Jesus Himself confirmed that Scriptures were from God. He quoted the Law revealed through Moses and said it was what God commanded.
Matthew 22:29-32 - He said the Scriptures were spoken by God.
Luke 10:16 - He also confirmed the inspiration of the New Testament for He told the apostles who wrote it: He who hears you, hears Me; he who rejects you rejects Me and rejects Him who sent Me
John 16:13 - He promised the men who penned the New Testament that the Spirit would guide them into all truth
To deny or question that the Bible writers spoke from God is to deny and reject the truthfulness of their own statements about themselves, their statements about one another, and Jesus' statements about Scriptures.
[Matthew 19:4-6; John 10:35; 2 Chronicles 34:14-19; Isaiah 2:1-3; Matthew 22:43; Romans 1:1,2; Hebrews 3:7; 1 Peter 1:10-12; 2 Peter 1:20f; 3:15f; Acts 4:24f]
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Inspiration of the Bible
Is the Bible Infallible, Inerrant, and Verbally Inspired?
Did the Bible writers claim to be inspired and guided directly by God? Do the Scriptures claim Divine inspiration? Do they claim to be the infallible, inerrant, verbal revelation of God's will? Did God guide inspired men in the very words they wrote? Could the Scriptures contain errors or mistakes in history, science, or doctrine? Is the Bible a true and accurate revelation of the will of God for man? This is a study of the nature and extent of Bible inspiration: the claims of Scripture contrasted to the views of modernism and liberalism.
Introduction:
Some people teach that the Bible writers never claimed to be inspired or directly guided by God. They say that neither the writers nor God viewed Scripture as a revelation of the mind of God which we should follow as a pattern for our lives. As such, they deny the infallible, inerrant, verbal inspiration of Scripture.
Other people say the Bible is inspired in that the writers did put down some of God's ideas, but maybe men still put some of their own uninspired ideas in it. For example, maybe God just taught the men right ideas, but left them to express those ideas as they see best.
Others say the Bible writers speak the truth in matters of religious faith and morals, but when they speak about history or science they are writing as humans and may be wrong. Therefore, we cannot accept the Bible accounts of miracles and the lives of Bible characters as necessarily valid.
The results of these views of inspiration are that maybe there is some error in the words written by "inspired" men: maybe we can, even should, reject parts of it as not being true. Such views are called "modernism" or "liberalism." Yet those who hold these views may still claim to be Christians who believe in God, Christ, and the Bible.
This study deals with the basic question: In what sense, or to what extent, is the Bible inspired? 1) Did the Bible writers really claim inspiration? Did they say that what they wrote was God's will? 2) Did God actually guide the words the men chose in expressing the teachings (verbal inspiration)? 3) Could it be that some words in the writings of these men were true and accurate, but some may have been mistaken in some way? Or is the Bible an infallible and inerrant revelation?
Notice the subject as outlined for us in Revelation 19:9 - "These are true words of God."
Did the Bible writers claim to be inspired and guided directly by God? Do the Scriptures claim Divine inspiration? Do they claim to be the infallible, inerrant, verbal revelation of God's will? Did God guide inspired men in the very words they wrote? Could the Scriptures contain errors or mistakes in history, science, or doctrine? Is the Bible a true and accurate revelation of the will of God for man? This is a study of the nature and extent of Bible inspiration: the claims of Scripture contrasted to the views of modernism and liberalism.
Introduction:
Some people teach that the Bible writers never claimed to be inspired or directly guided by God. They say that neither the writers nor God viewed Scripture as a revelation of the mind of God which we should follow as a pattern for our lives. As such, they deny the infallible, inerrant, verbal inspiration of Scripture.
Other people say the Bible is inspired in that the writers did put down some of God's ideas, but maybe men still put some of their own uninspired ideas in it. For example, maybe God just taught the men right ideas, but left them to express those ideas as they see best.
Others say the Bible writers speak the truth in matters of religious faith and morals, but when they speak about history or science they are writing as humans and may be wrong. Therefore, we cannot accept the Bible accounts of miracles and the lives of Bible characters as necessarily valid.
The results of these views of inspiration are that maybe there is some error in the words written by "inspired" men: maybe we can, even should, reject parts of it as not being true. Such views are called "modernism" or "liberalism." Yet those who hold these views may still claim to be Christians who believe in God, Christ, and the Bible.
This study deals with the basic question: In what sense, or to what extent, is the Bible inspired? 1) Did the Bible writers really claim inspiration? Did they say that what they wrote was God's will? 2) Did God actually guide the words the men chose in expressing the teachings (verbal inspiration)? 3) Could it be that some words in the writings of these men were true and accurate, but some may have been mistaken in some way? Or is the Bible an infallible and inerrant revelation?
Notice the subject as outlined for us in Revelation 19:9 - "These are true words of God."
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
B. Applications of Sexual Purity.
Obviously, there are limits to what can properly be discussed in a public forum. Bible teachers have a problem because, if they give detailed discussion, some object that they are too explicit. But if we are not specific enough, many young people will get in trouble because no one warned them what guidelines and limits they should respect. We need to be as explicit as the Bible and specific enough to properly apply Bible teaching.
Avoid tempting circumstances and conduct before and after marriage.
Proverbs 5:8; 6:26-29 - The point of Solomon's warnings was to stay away from people and circumstances that would seduce you to violate sexual purity. Don't make close friendships with people who are promiscuous, and don't participate in tempting activities. [7:6-27]
Proverbs 6:23-25; Matthew 5:27,28 - The way to avoid immoral conduct is by keeping your thoughts pure. Avoid the lustful thoughts that lead to immoral conduct. And the way to avoid the lustful thoughts is to avoid conduct that leads to lustful thoughts (sexually suggestive flirting).
Titus 2:5 - Young women should be taught to be "chaste" - virtuous, modest, not indecent. This applies to clothing, words, and conduct. [2 Corinthians 11:2; Philippians 4:8; Luke 8:27,35; 1 Timothy 2:9,10; 2 Samuel 11:2-4]
Romans 13:13,14; Mark 7:20-23; Galatians 5:19-21; 1 Peter 4:1-4 - God forbids "lascivious" or "licentious" conduct - anything that causes or tends to arouse sexual excitement, desire, or lust between people not married to one another.
Young men and women need to be taught that there are ways of speaking, dressing, and acting that arouse sexual desire. These are good and proper in marriage, because married couples can properly act on those desires. But when you have no right to fulfill the desire, then you have no right to arouse it in yourself or in one whom you are courting.
Young people, when you are dating, make sure both you and your date keep your hands off areas that should be reserved for marriage. Make sure you keep clothing on and cover what only married people have the right to see. Don't date anyone who doesn't understand these principles or that has a reputation for improper conduct. At the first sign of improper conduct, stop and insist on respect for purity. If you need more specific guidance, get advice from your parents or from respected older Christians (Titus 2:4,5).
Likewise, married people should avoid the dangers of forming too close relationships with people of the opposite gender other than your spouse. Avoid the very appearance of a "dating" situation. Avoid being alone in private. At the first sign of improper conduct, immediately distance yourself from the friendship.
And don't think nothing wrong can happen, because you are both Christians. Even faithful Christians have been brought to sin by forming too close friendships with people of the opposite gender. Often the relationship begins because we have a special relationship with other Christians, we think we are safe so we drop our barriers, and soon we have an illicit relationship.
"Flee fornication."
[Proverbs 4:23; 6:27; 13:20; 22:3; Matthew 5:8; 6:13; 18:8,9; Romans 13:14; 1 Corinthians 15:33; Genesis 39:7-12]
Spouses should express sexual affection in marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 - With your true marital spouse you not only may be intimate, but you should do so freely. You and your spouse have no one else with whom to fulfill this desire. Be free and expressive of your affection.
V5 - Failure to do this allows Satan to tempt us to a lack of self-control. This can happen when one withholds affection in anger or in an attempt to punish the other. Or it can happen because of prolonged physical separation. Avoid either form of temptation.
Vv 3,4 - Both the husband and the wife are to show affection; neither is to deprive the other (v5). This is not just for the husband's pleasure. Both will truly be blessed provided both truly seek to show affection.
Remember that sexual affection is an expression of love. As we discussed previously, love requires giving to please the other person. Love is destroyed by selfishness. Nowhere is that true more than in sexual affection. Your relationship will be blessed to the extent that you set aside what you want and try to please your companion. Husbands especially, but both spouses, need to be patient, gentle, and giving. The most basic thing to remember about sexual affection in marriage is that it is an expression of love and should always be guided by a genuine desire to please the other person.
One writer referred to proper sexual affection in marriage as "the twenty-year warm up." At first, you are not sure how to please one another. It may even help if, shortly before or soon after marriage, you personally read a wholesome, helpful book. But as you truly seek to please one another, you will grow in understanding throughout your marriage.
And that's another reason why people will never fully enjoy the blessings of sexual affection, if they don't appreciate marriage. A married couple, who truly love one another, will grow in affection over long periods of time. People who lack marital commitment are generally selfish in their approach and won't take time to grow. Their acts are expressions of lust and selfish desires, rather than true love and commitment.
Conclusion
As society declines, those who have left God's word will grow worse and worse in their perversions of marriage and the sexual relationship. But those who seek to truly be blessed in this life and in eternity need to learn to appreciate and obey God's plan for marriage.
God has created many incredibly powerful forces. When those forces are used improperly, they can do incredible harm; when used properly, they can be incredible blessings. So, nothing makes people more miserable than the breakdown or perversion of marriage. But nothing brings a greater blessing in this life than a loving marriage that follows God's design.
Avoid tempting circumstances and conduct before and after marriage.
Proverbs 5:8; 6:26-29 - The point of Solomon's warnings was to stay away from people and circumstances that would seduce you to violate sexual purity. Don't make close friendships with people who are promiscuous, and don't participate in tempting activities. [7:6-27]
Proverbs 6:23-25; Matthew 5:27,28 - The way to avoid immoral conduct is by keeping your thoughts pure. Avoid the lustful thoughts that lead to immoral conduct. And the way to avoid the lustful thoughts is to avoid conduct that leads to lustful thoughts (sexually suggestive flirting).
Titus 2:5 - Young women should be taught to be "chaste" - virtuous, modest, not indecent. This applies to clothing, words, and conduct. [2 Corinthians 11:2; Philippians 4:8; Luke 8:27,35; 1 Timothy 2:9,10; 2 Samuel 11:2-4]
Romans 13:13,14; Mark 7:20-23; Galatians 5:19-21; 1 Peter 4:1-4 - God forbids "lascivious" or "licentious" conduct - anything that causes or tends to arouse sexual excitement, desire, or lust between people not married to one another.
Young men and women need to be taught that there are ways of speaking, dressing, and acting that arouse sexual desire. These are good and proper in marriage, because married couples can properly act on those desires. But when you have no right to fulfill the desire, then you have no right to arouse it in yourself or in one whom you are courting.
Young people, when you are dating, make sure both you and your date keep your hands off areas that should be reserved for marriage. Make sure you keep clothing on and cover what only married people have the right to see. Don't date anyone who doesn't understand these principles or that has a reputation for improper conduct. At the first sign of improper conduct, stop and insist on respect for purity. If you need more specific guidance, get advice from your parents or from respected older Christians (Titus 2:4,5).
Likewise, married people should avoid the dangers of forming too close relationships with people of the opposite gender other than your spouse. Avoid the very appearance of a "dating" situation. Avoid being alone in private. At the first sign of improper conduct, immediately distance yourself from the friendship.
And don't think nothing wrong can happen, because you are both Christians. Even faithful Christians have been brought to sin by forming too close friendships with people of the opposite gender. Often the relationship begins because we have a special relationship with other Christians, we think we are safe so we drop our barriers, and soon we have an illicit relationship.
"Flee fornication."
[Proverbs 4:23; 6:27; 13:20; 22:3; Matthew 5:8; 6:13; 18:8,9; Romans 13:14; 1 Corinthians 15:33; Genesis 39:7-12]
Spouses should express sexual affection in marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 - With your true marital spouse you not only may be intimate, but you should do so freely. You and your spouse have no one else with whom to fulfill this desire. Be free and expressive of your affection.
V5 - Failure to do this allows Satan to tempt us to a lack of self-control. This can happen when one withholds affection in anger or in an attempt to punish the other. Or it can happen because of prolonged physical separation. Avoid either form of temptation.
Vv 3,4 - Both the husband and the wife are to show affection; neither is to deprive the other (v5). This is not just for the husband's pleasure. Both will truly be blessed provided both truly seek to show affection.
Remember that sexual affection is an expression of love. As we discussed previously, love requires giving to please the other person. Love is destroyed by selfishness. Nowhere is that true more than in sexual affection. Your relationship will be blessed to the extent that you set aside what you want and try to please your companion. Husbands especially, but both spouses, need to be patient, gentle, and giving. The most basic thing to remember about sexual affection in marriage is that it is an expression of love and should always be guided by a genuine desire to please the other person.
One writer referred to proper sexual affection in marriage as "the twenty-year warm up." At first, you are not sure how to please one another. It may even help if, shortly before or soon after marriage, you personally read a wholesome, helpful book. But as you truly seek to please one another, you will grow in understanding throughout your marriage.
And that's another reason why people will never fully enjoy the blessings of sexual affection, if they don't appreciate marriage. A married couple, who truly love one another, will grow in affection over long periods of time. People who lack marital commitment are generally selfish in their approach and won't take time to grow. Their acts are expressions of lust and selfish desires, rather than true love and commitment.
Conclusion
As society declines, those who have left God's word will grow worse and worse in their perversions of marriage and the sexual relationship. But those who seek to truly be blessed in this life and in eternity need to learn to appreciate and obey God's plan for marriage.
God has created many incredibly powerful forces. When those forces are used improperly, they can do incredible harm; when used properly, they can be incredible blessings. So, nothing makes people more miserable than the breakdown or perversion of marriage. But nothing brings a greater blessing in this life than a loving marriage that follows God's design.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sexual acts outside marriage lead to jealousy, alienation, violence, and disease.
Proverbs 5:1-18 - Relations with an immoral woman lead to bitterness (v4), dishonor (v9), poverty (v10), grief (v11), destruction of flesh and body (v11 - as in sexually transmitted diseases), and even death (v5). All of us have heard of people who have experienced some or all of these as a result of sexual promiscuity.
People think venereal diseases can be avoided by "safe sex" or cured by modern medicine. If so, why are many such diseases at all-time highs? And why do we continually hear about the dangers of AIDS? Despite politically correct views, the fact is that AIDS is essentially a sexually transmitted disease. Those who avoid illicit sex and illegal drugs have little need for concern.
The solution: stay far away from those who are sexually promiscuous (v8), and rejoice with the wife of your youth (vv 15-18).
Proverbs 6:32-35 - Adultery leads to wounds, dishonor, and reproach. It causes jealousy, fury, and vengeance, which cannot be appeased. This occurs when people violate marriage vows, but it also occurs among people in trial marriages and homosexual relationships. [7:21-27]
Such conduct often brings a burden of guilt to a relationship, which manifests itself in many ways. We may be angry for no apparent reason or unable to express affection freely. When we know our spouse has done this outside marriage (even if they did it with us), we may wonder if he/she will do it again, or with how many others they have done it.
Matthew 19:9 - Sexual union outside marriage is so serious that it is the only grounds for which God will permit the one who is pure to divorce and remarry.
Those who practice chastity before marriage and sexual faithfulness in marriage, need not be concerned about problems of promiscuity. There are reasons why God has restricted the sexual union to marriage. Obeying his plan is always best.
Marital commitment provides a stable relationship for raising children.
Genesis 1:26-28; 2:24 - God created male and female, told them to have children (reproduce), and said man should be "one flesh" with his wife. One reason God restricted the sexual union to marriage is that this gives children a family with both a father and a mother to raise them.
Proverbs 1:8 - Children should hear the instructions of their father and not forsake the law of their mother.
The fundamental concept throughout Scripture is that children should be raised in a family consisting of a father and mother who train and provide for them (Ephesians 6:2-4; Luke 2:48-51; Genesis 4:1,25; etc.). Marriage, with a lifetime commitment of husband and wife, provides the stable, loving relationship that children need.
Sometimes circumstances beyond our control take away father or mother, but these should be viewed as tragedies. Any relationship, which runs the risk of conceiving a child without the benefit of both a father and a mother to raise it, is irresponsible, unloving, and immoral.
Since the sexual union is the means God designed to conceive children, it follows that having this union outside of marriage can and often does result in children born out of wedlock. Such conduct is irresponsible, unloving, and immoral. Yet, a significant portion of children today are born out of wedlock. No child should ever have to fear that his parents would choose to risk his being born or raised in such an immoral, irresponsible circumstance.
Marital commitment provides the needs of old age.
Because marriage is a lifetime commitment, it provides a permanent relationship of companionship and love, even into old age.
Romans 7:2,3 - Husband and wife are bound to one another as long as they live. Those who are true to their marriage vows, will have a spouse to live with, until death parts them. Few things in life are more beautiful than a couple that continues to love and care for one another into their older years.
Young people, who choose promiscuous or homosexual relationships, have no such companionship. They may pass from partner to partner, living for the moment, with no thought of the consequences for old age. Likewise, people who divorce without Scriptural cause, have no right to a companion in their older years. People, who are not true to their marriage commitment, have no reason to expect others to be committed to them.
Likewise, parents who raise children in a committed family, will have children to care for them in their older years.
Ephesians 6:2,3 - Honoring parents includes caring for them in their old age.
1 Timothy 5:4,8,16 - When parents become elderly, especially when they are widowed and their marriage companion is gone, their children should see that their needs are met. (Cf. Matt. 15:4-6; Ruth 4:13-15; John 19:25-27.)
This is called "repaying" the parents. But if parents bring children into the world without a committed family relationship with both a father and a mother to love and care for them, what reason do children have to be committed to them in their old age? If such children learn to care for their parents, it won't be because the parents set a good example of caring for them.
The true beauty of the sexual affection is experienced only in true marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 - To avoid fornication, man and woman should marry and then should give one another the affection that is due. You do not have authority over your own body to enjoy this affection, except with your committed marriage spouse.
In a committed marriage, the sexual union becomes the ultimate expression of affection, love, and companionship. By reserving this relationship only for our lawful spouse, we are telling them, "I love you so much that I have chosen you to be the only person in the world in which I will engage in this most intimate expression of love." This makes sexual affection the incredibly special bond of love that God intended it to be.
Surveys have repeatedly shown that couples who remain true to their marriage commitment express much greater satisfaction with sexual affection.
Like everything else that God created for good, when people pervert it, they cannot fully enjoy its benefits. People, who practice casual, recreational sexual activities, will never, ever enjoy the true beauty of sexual affection, and most will never even understand what they missed. The brief, passing pleasure such people enjoy can never measure up to committed marital bliss.
People think venereal diseases can be avoided by "safe sex" or cured by modern medicine. If so, why are many such diseases at all-time highs? And why do we continually hear about the dangers of AIDS? Despite politically correct views, the fact is that AIDS is essentially a sexually transmitted disease. Those who avoid illicit sex and illegal drugs have little need for concern.
The solution: stay far away from those who are sexually promiscuous (v8), and rejoice with the wife of your youth (vv 15-18).
Proverbs 6:32-35 - Adultery leads to wounds, dishonor, and reproach. It causes jealousy, fury, and vengeance, which cannot be appeased. This occurs when people violate marriage vows, but it also occurs among people in trial marriages and homosexual relationships. [7:21-27]
Such conduct often brings a burden of guilt to a relationship, which manifests itself in many ways. We may be angry for no apparent reason or unable to express affection freely. When we know our spouse has done this outside marriage (even if they did it with us), we may wonder if he/she will do it again, or with how many others they have done it.
Matthew 19:9 - Sexual union outside marriage is so serious that it is the only grounds for which God will permit the one who is pure to divorce and remarry.
Those who practice chastity before marriage and sexual faithfulness in marriage, need not be concerned about problems of promiscuity. There are reasons why God has restricted the sexual union to marriage. Obeying his plan is always best.
Marital commitment provides a stable relationship for raising children.
Genesis 1:26-28; 2:24 - God created male and female, told them to have children (reproduce), and said man should be "one flesh" with his wife. One reason God restricted the sexual union to marriage is that this gives children a family with both a father and a mother to raise them.
Proverbs 1:8 - Children should hear the instructions of their father and not forsake the law of their mother.
The fundamental concept throughout Scripture is that children should be raised in a family consisting of a father and mother who train and provide for them (Ephesians 6:2-4; Luke 2:48-51; Genesis 4:1,25; etc.). Marriage, with a lifetime commitment of husband and wife, provides the stable, loving relationship that children need.
Sometimes circumstances beyond our control take away father or mother, but these should be viewed as tragedies. Any relationship, which runs the risk of conceiving a child without the benefit of both a father and a mother to raise it, is irresponsible, unloving, and immoral.
Since the sexual union is the means God designed to conceive children, it follows that having this union outside of marriage can and often does result in children born out of wedlock. Such conduct is irresponsible, unloving, and immoral. Yet, a significant portion of children today are born out of wedlock. No child should ever have to fear that his parents would choose to risk his being born or raised in such an immoral, irresponsible circumstance.
Marital commitment provides the needs of old age.
Because marriage is a lifetime commitment, it provides a permanent relationship of companionship and love, even into old age.
Romans 7:2,3 - Husband and wife are bound to one another as long as they live. Those who are true to their marriage vows, will have a spouse to live with, until death parts them. Few things in life are more beautiful than a couple that continues to love and care for one another into their older years.
Young people, who choose promiscuous or homosexual relationships, have no such companionship. They may pass from partner to partner, living for the moment, with no thought of the consequences for old age. Likewise, people who divorce without Scriptural cause, have no right to a companion in their older years. People, who are not true to their marriage commitment, have no reason to expect others to be committed to them.
Likewise, parents who raise children in a committed family, will have children to care for them in their older years.
Ephesians 6:2,3 - Honoring parents includes caring for them in their old age.
1 Timothy 5:4,8,16 - When parents become elderly, especially when they are widowed and their marriage companion is gone, their children should see that their needs are met. (Cf. Matt. 15:4-6; Ruth 4:13-15; John 19:25-27.)
This is called "repaying" the parents. But if parents bring children into the world without a committed family relationship with both a father and a mother to love and care for them, what reason do children have to be committed to them in their old age? If such children learn to care for their parents, it won't be because the parents set a good example of caring for them.
The true beauty of the sexual affection is experienced only in true marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 - To avoid fornication, man and woman should marry and then should give one another the affection that is due. You do not have authority over your own body to enjoy this affection, except with your committed marriage spouse.
In a committed marriage, the sexual union becomes the ultimate expression of affection, love, and companionship. By reserving this relationship only for our lawful spouse, we are telling them, "I love you so much that I have chosen you to be the only person in the world in which I will engage in this most intimate expression of love." This makes sexual affection the incredibly special bond of love that God intended it to be.
Surveys have repeatedly shown that couples who remain true to their marriage commitment express much greater satisfaction with sexual affection.
Like everything else that God created for good, when people pervert it, they cannot fully enjoy its benefits. People, who practice casual, recreational sexual activities, will never, ever enjoy the true beauty of sexual affection, and most will never even understand what they missed. The brief, passing pleasure such people enjoy can never measure up to committed marital bliss.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
X. Sexual Purity
How important is sexual purity? Why should a couple wait till marriage to express sexual affection? What does the Bible say about premarital and extramarital relations? What should a couple do to remain pure?
Our son-in-law Brian teaches junior high school in a rural district of a conservative state. Students in class brought up an eighth-grade boy, who had been expelled for bad behavior, then fathered a child out of wedlock. The majority of students believed he would be a good father.
Brian said he should have waited till he was married. The class responded that everyone has sexual relations before marriage; no one waits! They expressed disbelief when he said he had waited and had never been divorced. When he said couples should work hard to have a good marriage, they could not understand why!
When young people have been taught they evolved from animals, why should they reserve the sexual union for marriage or view marriage as a lifetime commitment? Animals see no need for such things.
When even homosexuals can marry, marriage must not mean much. World reported a study at the Hoover Institute: "Scandinavian gay marriage has driven home the message that marriage itself is outdated and that virtually any family form, including out-of-wedlock parenthood, is acceptable ... in Sweden, the few young couples who do get married often do not like to admit it, since what they have done is so far out of the norm that they feel embarrassed."
The public media virtually refuses to even acknowledge marriage. It is politically incorrect to even mention words like "husband," "wife," or even "spouse." Instead, the media continually refers to your "partner," "companion," or "significant other." And "family" has been redefined to describe any group of people who live together and care for one another in some way.
No wonder young people do not respect the importance of marriage or of reserving the sexual union for marriage.
A. Reasons for Reserving the Sexual Union for Marriage.
Consider reasons why Christians should respect marriage as a lifetime commitment between one man and one woman, and specifically why the sexual union should be reserved only for marriage.
Marriage was created by God and is "very good."
Genesis 2:18-24 - At creation, God observed that it was not "good" for man to be alone, so He created woman and ordained marriage. Within marriage, a man cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh (which includes the sexual union - 1 Cor. 6:16).
Note that animals were not adequate, nor did God create another man as a mate for man. He created a woman as a companion for man. So, marriage and the sexual union within marriage were ordained by God. God declared this to be "good." It meets a fundamental need. In fact, everything God made at creation was "very good" (Genesis 1:31).
Those who believe in God, and specifically in God as Creator, must believe that marriage is "good" and is the relationship ordained of God for the sexual union.
God's word forbids sexual relationships outside marriage.
Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage is honorable and the sexual relationship (the "bed") is undefiled only within marriage. Note that the sexual union is not inherently evil. But the passage defines "fornication" and "adultery" to be sexual union ("the bed") outside marriage. God will judge such conduct.
Exodus 20:14 - The Old Testament commanded to not commit adultery.
Mark 7:20-23 - Jesus taught that fornication comes from the heart and defiles a man.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 - The Corinthians had been fornicators, adulterers, homosexuals, etc. Those who practice this cannot inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Corinthians 6:16-18 - Fornication is wrong because it constitutes being "one flesh" with someone other than one's lawful spouse. This refers back to God's plan, which places the sexual union in marriage (Gen. 2:24).
Revelation 21:8; 22:14,15 - Fornicators are among those who will not enter heaven but will be in the lake of fire.
1 Corinthians 7:2-4 - To avoid fornication, one should satisfy the sexual desire only with "his own wife" or "husband." God expressly confirms that marriage companions must be of the opposite gender and that each may satisfy sexual desires only with his/her marital companion.
So, marriage is the authorized relationship for satisfying the need for lifetime companionship and for sexual affection. But it involves one man with one woman with a lifetime commitment. Only that relationship is honorable by God's decree.
God says sexual relations before or outside marriage are wrong, no matter how much we care for the other person. These passages should settle the issue. But sometimes God gives additional reasons for His decrees. Consider additional reasons He gives for saving ourselves for our marriage companion.
[Ephesians 5:3-5; Galatians 5:19-21; Col. 3:5-10; 1 Tim. 1:9-11; Proverbs 5:1-23; 6:23-7:27; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; 1 Cor. 5:9,10; Ezek. 16:32]
Our son-in-law Brian teaches junior high school in a rural district of a conservative state. Students in class brought up an eighth-grade boy, who had been expelled for bad behavior, then fathered a child out of wedlock. The majority of students believed he would be a good father.
Brian said he should have waited till he was married. The class responded that everyone has sexual relations before marriage; no one waits! They expressed disbelief when he said he had waited and had never been divorced. When he said couples should work hard to have a good marriage, they could not understand why!
When young people have been taught they evolved from animals, why should they reserve the sexual union for marriage or view marriage as a lifetime commitment? Animals see no need for such things.
When even homosexuals can marry, marriage must not mean much. World reported a study at the Hoover Institute: "Scandinavian gay marriage has driven home the message that marriage itself is outdated and that virtually any family form, including out-of-wedlock parenthood, is acceptable ... in Sweden, the few young couples who do get married often do not like to admit it, since what they have done is so far out of the norm that they feel embarrassed."
The public media virtually refuses to even acknowledge marriage. It is politically incorrect to even mention words like "husband," "wife," or even "spouse." Instead, the media continually refers to your "partner," "companion," or "significant other." And "family" has been redefined to describe any group of people who live together and care for one another in some way.
No wonder young people do not respect the importance of marriage or of reserving the sexual union for marriage.
A. Reasons for Reserving the Sexual Union for Marriage.
Consider reasons why Christians should respect marriage as a lifetime commitment between one man and one woman, and specifically why the sexual union should be reserved only for marriage.
Marriage was created by God and is "very good."
Genesis 2:18-24 - At creation, God observed that it was not "good" for man to be alone, so He created woman and ordained marriage. Within marriage, a man cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh (which includes the sexual union - 1 Cor. 6:16).
Note that animals were not adequate, nor did God create another man as a mate for man. He created a woman as a companion for man. So, marriage and the sexual union within marriage were ordained by God. God declared this to be "good." It meets a fundamental need. In fact, everything God made at creation was "very good" (Genesis 1:31).
Those who believe in God, and specifically in God as Creator, must believe that marriage is "good" and is the relationship ordained of God for the sexual union.
God's word forbids sexual relationships outside marriage.
Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage is honorable and the sexual relationship (the "bed") is undefiled only within marriage. Note that the sexual union is not inherently evil. But the passage defines "fornication" and "adultery" to be sexual union ("the bed") outside marriage. God will judge such conduct.
Exodus 20:14 - The Old Testament commanded to not commit adultery.
Mark 7:20-23 - Jesus taught that fornication comes from the heart and defiles a man.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 - The Corinthians had been fornicators, adulterers, homosexuals, etc. Those who practice this cannot inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Corinthians 6:16-18 - Fornication is wrong because it constitutes being "one flesh" with someone other than one's lawful spouse. This refers back to God's plan, which places the sexual union in marriage (Gen. 2:24).
Revelation 21:8; 22:14,15 - Fornicators are among those who will not enter heaven but will be in the lake of fire.
1 Corinthians 7:2-4 - To avoid fornication, one should satisfy the sexual desire only with "his own wife" or "husband." God expressly confirms that marriage companions must be of the opposite gender and that each may satisfy sexual desires only with his/her marital companion.
So, marriage is the authorized relationship for satisfying the need for lifetime companionship and for sexual affection. But it involves one man with one woman with a lifetime commitment. Only that relationship is honorable by God's decree.
God says sexual relations before or outside marriage are wrong, no matter how much we care for the other person. These passages should settle the issue. But sometimes God gives additional reasons for His decrees. Consider additional reasons He gives for saving ourselves for our marriage companion.
[Ephesians 5:3-5; Galatians 5:19-21; Col. 3:5-10; 1 Tim. 1:9-11; Proverbs 5:1-23; 6:23-7:27; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; 1 Cor. 5:9,10; Ezek. 16:32]
Thursday, January 15, 2009
C. Parents Must Exercise Authority in the Home.
Our society generally frowns on authority, rules, law, and duty. We are told that families should be "democratic," not "authoritarian," and that parents have no right to impose their rules on children. But note what the Bible says:
Proverbs 1:8 - A son should not forsake his mother's law. Good rules actually benefit children. They give the child a sense of security and allow him to benefit from the wisdom of the parents. He does not need to worry, because he knows his parents will not let him do anything seriously bad for him. [Proverbs 29:15; 4:10-12]
Luke 2:51 - Jesus set an example of subjection to his parents.
Romans 1:30,32 - Disobedience to parents is a sin for which one who is guilty is worthy of death [cf. Deuteronomy 21:18-21].
Proverbs 22:6 - Training of children is intended to mold their character for later life, so when they are older they will live by right principles. But children often will not do what is right simply by choice. Parents must tell the children what's right and then insist that they practice it.
Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20 - Children are commanded to obey their parents. If children learn to properly submit to parents, they will benefit all their lives as they relate to other authorities. They must learn to submit to bosses at work, civil rulers, elders in the church, and above all to God. If children are not taught to obey their parents, they will have trouble with authority all their lives. If they learn at a young age to obey parents, they will understand all their lives how to submit to authority and how to use it.
D. Parents Must Motivate Children by Rewards and Punishments.
Some people argue that children can be raised just by instructing them and showing affection. But even with all the instruction and affection in the world, children often simply will not want to do what their parents say. What can parents do then to motivate obedience? Some reject punishment and especially spanking, but what does the Bible say?
The value of punishment
Hebrews 12:7-11 - A father's chastening of his children is compared to the chastisement God gives His people. Chastisement is an act of love, not hatred, because it is done for the good of the child to train him to be a good person. It results in the child respecting the father. To deny the value of proper punishment of children is to deny the wisdom of God, who chastises His own children!
Proverbs 13:24 - To fail to spank children when needed, is to hate them. Many people get upset at that statement, but this is what the Bible says! If we love children, we will chasten them when needed. Properly done, spanking is an act of love; and God says that those who deny the value of spanking are the ones who hate children. [22:15; 19:18]
Spanking and other forms of punishment should be used, as already described, for the good of the child, not for the selfish desires of the parent. But punishment is a good and valid means of molding a child's character, so he grows up knowing that he must be subject to authority and that disobedience has consequences. Spanking, like fire, can be misused, but when used properly it can be a tremendous power for good.
The value of rewards
Luke 15:20-24 - Another valid form of motivating our children is reward. God is not just a punisher of those who do evil, He is also a rewarder of those who do good (Hebrews 11:6). So parents should avoid just criticizing and punishing children. They must also diligently praise and appreciate their children when they do good. Valid rewards encourage obedience.
Rewards and punishments may take many forms, and all of them are capable of misuse. We must use good judgment and common sense in applying the Bible principles. And even when parents do their best, they will often feel inadequate and will find raising children to be a definite challenge.
But there is simply no need for so many parents to have so many problems with their children. Proper application of God's word would solve many of these problems. Understanding these principles is an important part of preparing for or improving marriage.
Young people, when you decide whom you will marry, don't just consider whether you will be happy and get along well with a person. Consider how good a mother or father this person will be to your children. Do they show appreciation for children and understand Bible principles for raising them? Did their parents have a good relationship with their children? If not, what evidence do you have that this person will do a better job with your children? Does he/she demonstrate an example of the kind of godly Christian that you want your children to grow up to be?
You owe it to yourself, to your children, and to God to marry a companion that will help you raise your children to be godly, dedicated Christians. The eternal destiny of your children hangs in the balance. And God will judge you and your spouse for the work you have done in raising your children.
Proverbs 1:8 - A son should not forsake his mother's law. Good rules actually benefit children. They give the child a sense of security and allow him to benefit from the wisdom of the parents. He does not need to worry, because he knows his parents will not let him do anything seriously bad for him. [Proverbs 29:15; 4:10-12]
Luke 2:51 - Jesus set an example of subjection to his parents.
Romans 1:30,32 - Disobedience to parents is a sin for which one who is guilty is worthy of death [cf. Deuteronomy 21:18-21].
Proverbs 22:6 - Training of children is intended to mold their character for later life, so when they are older they will live by right principles. But children often will not do what is right simply by choice. Parents must tell the children what's right and then insist that they practice it.
Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20 - Children are commanded to obey their parents. If children learn to properly submit to parents, they will benefit all their lives as they relate to other authorities. They must learn to submit to bosses at work, civil rulers, elders in the church, and above all to God. If children are not taught to obey their parents, they will have trouble with authority all their lives. If they learn at a young age to obey parents, they will understand all their lives how to submit to authority and how to use it.
D. Parents Must Motivate Children by Rewards and Punishments.
Some people argue that children can be raised just by instructing them and showing affection. But even with all the instruction and affection in the world, children often simply will not want to do what their parents say. What can parents do then to motivate obedience? Some reject punishment and especially spanking, but what does the Bible say?
The value of punishment
Hebrews 12:7-11 - A father's chastening of his children is compared to the chastisement God gives His people. Chastisement is an act of love, not hatred, because it is done for the good of the child to train him to be a good person. It results in the child respecting the father. To deny the value of proper punishment of children is to deny the wisdom of God, who chastises His own children!
Proverbs 13:24 - To fail to spank children when needed, is to hate them. Many people get upset at that statement, but this is what the Bible says! If we love children, we will chasten them when needed. Properly done, spanking is an act of love; and God says that those who deny the value of spanking are the ones who hate children. [22:15; 19:18]
Spanking and other forms of punishment should be used, as already described, for the good of the child, not for the selfish desires of the parent. But punishment is a good and valid means of molding a child's character, so he grows up knowing that he must be subject to authority and that disobedience has consequences. Spanking, like fire, can be misused, but when used properly it can be a tremendous power for good.
The value of rewards
Luke 15:20-24 - Another valid form of motivating our children is reward. God is not just a punisher of those who do evil, He is also a rewarder of those who do good (Hebrews 11:6). So parents should avoid just criticizing and punishing children. They must also diligently praise and appreciate their children when they do good. Valid rewards encourage obedience.
Rewards and punishments may take many forms, and all of them are capable of misuse. We must use good judgment and common sense in applying the Bible principles. And even when parents do their best, they will often feel inadequate and will find raising children to be a definite challenge.
But there is simply no need for so many parents to have so many problems with their children. Proper application of God's word would solve many of these problems. Understanding these principles is an important part of preparing for or improving marriage.
Young people, when you decide whom you will marry, don't just consider whether you will be happy and get along well with a person. Consider how good a mother or father this person will be to your children. Do they show appreciation for children and understand Bible principles for raising them? Did their parents have a good relationship with their children? If not, what evidence do you have that this person will do a better job with your children? Does he/she demonstrate an example of the kind of godly Christian that you want your children to grow up to be?
You owe it to yourself, to your children, and to God to marry a companion that will help you raise your children to be godly, dedicated Christians. The eternal destiny of your children hangs in the balance. And God will judge you and your spouse for the work you have done in raising your children.
Monday, January 12, 2009
IX. Raising Children
What principles should parents follow in raising children? How important are Bible teaching, love, and authority? Should father and mother use punishments and rewards? What about spanking?
Children are a stewardship and a blessing from God. God expects us to train our children to become what He wants them to be, and He will judge us for the work we do as parents.
Yet, children remain one of the biggest problems many families face. Being a good parent requires good preparation and diligent application. The Bible gives instructions that, properly applied, would solve most serious problems.
A. Parents Must Train Their Children to Serve God.
Parents must take time to instruct their children in God's word.
Proverbs 1:8 - Children should hear the instruction of their fathers and not forsake the law of their mothers. Both mothers and fathers should be involved in instructing the children.
Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers should bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The idea that fathers may "leave it up to the mother to train the children" is unscriptural. The church may help, but the teaching must not ultimately be left up to the church. Because the father is the head of the family, God gives him the ultimate responsibility to see that the children are correctly trained.
2 Timothy 3:15 - From childhood, Timothy had been taught the Scriptures, because they could make him wise to salvation. Parents must begin at very young ages to train children properly. Too many people neglect the early training of their children, then they try to correct the children when they become teenagers and face serious problems. The problems should have been solved - and would have been much easier to solve - years earlier.
Genesis 18:19 - Abraham commanded his family after him to do God's will. [Deuteronomy 4:9,10; Psalm 78:4-8]
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 - We should diligently teach God's word to our children, talking of them throughout the day. We need set times during the week for teaching the children God's word. But we also need to teach throughout the day as situations arise where we can apply Bible principles.
2 Timothy 1:5 - The faith Timothy had, first existed in his mother and grandmother. Training children properly requires both a good example and good instruction. Many parents tell their children how to live, yet the children do not serve God faithfully because they see that the parents don't practice what they preach.
[Malachi 2:15]
B. Parents Should Show Affection and Make Decisions with Love.
Psalm 127:3-5; 128:3,4 - Parents should appreciate children as a blessing from God. Some parents act as though caring for children is an unbearable drudgery. They grumble and complain about their kids. They may abuse them, desert them, seek other people to take care of them, or even murder them before they are born. Instead, we ought to let them know we love and appreciate them. [Genesis 33:5]
Titus 2:4 - Young women should be taught to love their children. Most people will naturally love their children; even so, there are many aspects of love that we must be taught to practice. There should be no "unwanted children," not because we have aborted them before birth, but because we have learned to love them.
1 John 3:18 - Love shows itself by what we do as well as what we say. We must tell our children we love them, put our arms around them, etc. But we must also act in ways that show we love them.
Colossians 3:21 - Do not provoke the child to discouragement. Often parents continually belittle their children, criticizing and condemning them, with never a word of praise or appreciation. Breaking a child's spirit and destroying his sense of worth is one way to provoke him to discouragement.
1 Corinthians 13:5 - Love does not seek its own. If we love our children, we will not make rules just to please ourselves so we can get our own way. It is not good for the child to be allowed to just do what he wants, but neither is it good if we ignore the best interest of the child to satisfy our own selfish desires. We must make rules for the good of all. And when we must punish a child, let us exercise self-control to be sure we act and speak for the good of the child, not because we have lost our temper.
Children are a stewardship and a blessing from God. God expects us to train our children to become what He wants them to be, and He will judge us for the work we do as parents.
Yet, children remain one of the biggest problems many families face. Being a good parent requires good preparation and diligent application. The Bible gives instructions that, properly applied, would solve most serious problems.
A. Parents Must Train Their Children to Serve God.
Parents must take time to instruct their children in God's word.
Proverbs 1:8 - Children should hear the instruction of their fathers and not forsake the law of their mothers. Both mothers and fathers should be involved in instructing the children.
Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers should bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The idea that fathers may "leave it up to the mother to train the children" is unscriptural. The church may help, but the teaching must not ultimately be left up to the church. Because the father is the head of the family, God gives him the ultimate responsibility to see that the children are correctly trained.
2 Timothy 3:15 - From childhood, Timothy had been taught the Scriptures, because they could make him wise to salvation. Parents must begin at very young ages to train children properly. Too many people neglect the early training of their children, then they try to correct the children when they become teenagers and face serious problems. The problems should have been solved - and would have been much easier to solve - years earlier.
Genesis 18:19 - Abraham commanded his family after him to do God's will. [Deuteronomy 4:9,10; Psalm 78:4-8]
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 - We should diligently teach God's word to our children, talking of them throughout the day. We need set times during the week for teaching the children God's word. But we also need to teach throughout the day as situations arise where we can apply Bible principles.
2 Timothy 1:5 - The faith Timothy had, first existed in his mother and grandmother. Training children properly requires both a good example and good instruction. Many parents tell their children how to live, yet the children do not serve God faithfully because they see that the parents don't practice what they preach.
[Malachi 2:15]
B. Parents Should Show Affection and Make Decisions with Love.
Psalm 127:3-5; 128:3,4 - Parents should appreciate children as a blessing from God. Some parents act as though caring for children is an unbearable drudgery. They grumble and complain about their kids. They may abuse them, desert them, seek other people to take care of them, or even murder them before they are born. Instead, we ought to let them know we love and appreciate them. [Genesis 33:5]
Titus 2:4 - Young women should be taught to love their children. Most people will naturally love their children; even so, there are many aspects of love that we must be taught to practice. There should be no "unwanted children," not because we have aborted them before birth, but because we have learned to love them.
1 John 3:18 - Love shows itself by what we do as well as what we say. We must tell our children we love them, put our arms around them, etc. But we must also act in ways that show we love them.
Colossians 3:21 - Do not provoke the child to discouragement. Often parents continually belittle their children, criticizing and condemning them, with never a word of praise or appreciation. Breaking a child's spirit and destroying his sense of worth is one way to provoke him to discouragement.
1 Corinthians 13:5 - Love does not seek its own. If we love our children, we will not make rules just to please ourselves so we can get our own way. It is not good for the child to be allowed to just do what he wants, but neither is it good if we ignore the best interest of the child to satisfy our own selfish desires. We must make rules for the good of all. And when we must punish a child, let us exercise self-control to be sure we act and speak for the good of the child, not because we have lost our temper.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
B. The Husband Is Responsible to Provide Family Income and the Wife Is Responsible To Be The Homemaker.
The Bible often states the husband's responsibility to provide family income.
Genesis 3:17-19 - From the beginning the man was responsible to labor with his hands to provide bread A man who is able to do this but will not, is lazy and foolish (Proverbs 24:30-34). [1 Thessalonians 4:10-12; 2 Thessalonians 3:10]
Ephesians 5:28-31 - The man should labor, not just to provide for himself, but also to "nourish and cherish" his wife as he does his own body. These terms include providing and caring for her, as well as protecting her. (Cf. v23.)
1 Timothy 5:8 - The man who will not provide for his own, especially his own household, is worse than an unbeliever. Yet, all across the country there are men who fail to provide for their families as they ought. Even though they are able-bodied, they live off welfare or off relatives or institutions. Meantime, their families suffer.
The Bible is filled with examples of men who were employed in various occupations by which they provided for their families, including occupations that often took them away from their families through the day. This includes sailors, shepherds, physicians, tax collectors, carpenters, fishermen, preachers, etc. There is no passage, however, that teaches wives, especially if they are mothers, that they are similarly obligated to leave their families and work to provide income.
Mothers are instructed to be homemakers, managing the home.
Bible teaching
Genesis 2:18ff - The wife was created to be a companion and helper to her husband. She finds her fulfillment, not in competing with the husband in his work nor in taking his responsibilities, but in assisting him. [Titus 2:4]
1 Timothy 5:14 - She should manage the household. (Cf. Proverbs 31:27.)
Titus 2:5 - She should be taught by the older women to be a homemaker (NKJV; "worker at home" - ASV).
Psalm 113:9 - She should rejoice and praise God for her role as mother and keeper of a home. Husbands ought to praise their wives for fulfilling this role.
Proverbs 7:11,12 - It is a shame for a woman to gad about instead of staying at home.
John 10:11-14 - Some work cannot be done by one who is simply hired, as well as it can be done by one who has a personal relationship. What is true of caring for mere animals would surely also be true of caring for our family members. Ladies, no one can love and care for your husbands and your children like you can. Can you hire another woman to fulfill your role as companion to your husband and submit to him in your place? Then why think your can hire a day-care center, babysitter, or other hireling to love and care for your children in your place?
Applications
The roles of wife, mother, and homemaker are not the only responsibilities God requires of women. He also requires them to teach His word, be active in the church, care for the needy, visit the sick, and be diligent in prayer and Bible study, etc. Some of these activities may even briefly take her away from her house. But it should be clear that filling all her God-given roles would constitute a full-time job for any mother.
The Bible simply does not approve of the idea of modern society that family roles are to be shared equally or interchanged or hired out to others. Most of the major problems that exist in modern homes can be traced to a failure of husband, wife, or both to understand and properly fill their God-given role.
There may be circumstances in which the husband or wife is unable to do their work, so their spouse may take the duties of a companion in an emergency circumstance. And wives may find ways to contribute to family income without leaving their children or neglecting their families or their homes. But the fact remains that God said the man is responsible to be the head of the family and the one to provide the income, and he said that the woman is to be in subjection and is to be the homemaker. Yet, all across the country there are families in deep trouble because husbands and/or wives neglect their God-given duties because they spend so much time doing things other than what God requires them to do.
Young ladies, make sure you marry a young man who is willing and able to provide for you and the family. If he doesn't hold down a job or doesn't show clear evidence of being able to provide an adequate living, or if he might encourage or even expect you to work so you cannot stay home and be a mother to your children, you need to resolve this before marriage. And while you should prepare to provide for yourself if you cannot find the right young man to marry, nevertheless you need to organize your education and lifestyle so that, when the right man does come along, you are prepared and willing to be a fulltime homemaker.
Young men, you make sure that the young woman you marry is committed to staying home and being a fulltime mother to your children. If she is career-minded or expects a lifestyle that you can't provide, make a serious effort to resolve this before marriage.
And throughout marriage, avoid making financial commitments that require two incomes. Some couples, early in marriage, develop commitments and attitudes that encourage the wife to continue working outside the home even after the children come. The best way to avoid these problems is to never put yourselves in the situation where you must have two incomes to make ends meet.
Genesis 3:17-19 - From the beginning the man was responsible to labor with his hands to provide bread A man who is able to do this but will not, is lazy and foolish (Proverbs 24:30-34). [1 Thessalonians 4:10-12; 2 Thessalonians 3:10]
Ephesians 5:28-31 - The man should labor, not just to provide for himself, but also to "nourish and cherish" his wife as he does his own body. These terms include providing and caring for her, as well as protecting her. (Cf. v23.)
1 Timothy 5:8 - The man who will not provide for his own, especially his own household, is worse than an unbeliever. Yet, all across the country there are men who fail to provide for their families as they ought. Even though they are able-bodied, they live off welfare or off relatives or institutions. Meantime, their families suffer.
The Bible is filled with examples of men who were employed in various occupations by which they provided for their families, including occupations that often took them away from their families through the day. This includes sailors, shepherds, physicians, tax collectors, carpenters, fishermen, preachers, etc. There is no passage, however, that teaches wives, especially if they are mothers, that they are similarly obligated to leave their families and work to provide income.
Mothers are instructed to be homemakers, managing the home.
Bible teaching
Genesis 2:18ff - The wife was created to be a companion and helper to her husband. She finds her fulfillment, not in competing with the husband in his work nor in taking his responsibilities, but in assisting him. [Titus 2:4]
1 Timothy 5:14 - She should manage the household. (Cf. Proverbs 31:27.)
Titus 2:5 - She should be taught by the older women to be a homemaker (NKJV; "worker at home" - ASV).
Psalm 113:9 - She should rejoice and praise God for her role as mother and keeper of a home. Husbands ought to praise their wives for fulfilling this role.
Proverbs 7:11,12 - It is a shame for a woman to gad about instead of staying at home.
John 10:11-14 - Some work cannot be done by one who is simply hired, as well as it can be done by one who has a personal relationship. What is true of caring for mere animals would surely also be true of caring for our family members. Ladies, no one can love and care for your husbands and your children like you can. Can you hire another woman to fulfill your role as companion to your husband and submit to him in your place? Then why think your can hire a day-care center, babysitter, or other hireling to love and care for your children in your place?
Applications
The roles of wife, mother, and homemaker are not the only responsibilities God requires of women. He also requires them to teach His word, be active in the church, care for the needy, visit the sick, and be diligent in prayer and Bible study, etc. Some of these activities may even briefly take her away from her house. But it should be clear that filling all her God-given roles would constitute a full-time job for any mother.
The Bible simply does not approve of the idea of modern society that family roles are to be shared equally or interchanged or hired out to others. Most of the major problems that exist in modern homes can be traced to a failure of husband, wife, or both to understand and properly fill their God-given role.
There may be circumstances in which the husband or wife is unable to do their work, so their spouse may take the duties of a companion in an emergency circumstance. And wives may find ways to contribute to family income without leaving their children or neglecting their families or their homes. But the fact remains that God said the man is responsible to be the head of the family and the one to provide the income, and he said that the woman is to be in subjection and is to be the homemaker. Yet, all across the country there are families in deep trouble because husbands and/or wives neglect their God-given duties because they spend so much time doing things other than what God requires them to do.
Young ladies, make sure you marry a young man who is willing and able to provide for you and the family. If he doesn't hold down a job or doesn't show clear evidence of being able to provide an adequate living, or if he might encourage or even expect you to work so you cannot stay home and be a mother to your children, you need to resolve this before marriage. And while you should prepare to provide for yourself if you cannot find the right young man to marry, nevertheless you need to organize your education and lifestyle so that, when the right man does come along, you are prepared and willing to be a fulltime homemaker.
Young men, you make sure that the young woman you marry is committed to staying home and being a fulltime mother to your children. If she is career-minded or expects a lifestyle that you can't provide, make a serious effort to resolve this before marriage.
And throughout marriage, avoid making financial commitments that require two incomes. Some couples, early in marriage, develop commitments and attitudes that encourage the wife to continue working outside the home even after the children come. The best way to avoid these problems is to never put yourselves in the situation where you must have two incomes to make ends meet.
Friday, January 9, 2009
VIII. Roles of Husband and Wife
What roles has God assigned to husbands and wives? Who should be the head to lead the family? How important is love in exercising authority? Who should work to provide income? Is the role of homemaker demeaning?
Traditionally and Biblically, the roles of husband and wife were fairly well defined. God created men and women different and assigned them different roles.
Modern philosophies, however, pressure modern families to believe these roles will not work in modern society. Indeed, they may not work - if we want to have the kind of families people in the world have. But if our primary goal in marriage is to serve God, then we will find the roles defined in the Bible are the only ones that will work!
Biblical roles require the following:
A. The Wife Must Submit to Her Husband, But He Must Rule with Love.
The Bible teaches wives to submit to their husbands.
Genesis 3:16 - God decreed that the man should rule over his wife. This is neither the invention of men nor the product of evolution. It is a decree of Almighty God.
Ephesians 5:22-24 - The wife should submit to her husband as the church should submit to Christ. And, she must submit in "everything." She has no more right to pick and choose which decisions she finds acceptable or reasonable, than the church does regarding Jesus' decisions.
The only exception is if her husband tells her to do something that would be sinful to do; then she "must obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29).
Further, the church should cooperate with Jesus' authority in every way possible, submitting willingly out of love (John 14:15). Likewise, the wife should not try to look for loopholes or sneak behind her husband's back or manipulate his decisions by devious means. The command to love her husband (Titus 2:4) should lead her to seek to know his will so she can obey it.
1 Peter 3:1-6 - If her husband is disobedient to God and even if he misuses his authority, even then the wife is not justified in refusing to submit. In fact, this just gives more reason why she should submit, so she can set him a good example. [Cf. Romans 12:17-21.]
[See also Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Corinthians 11:3,8-12.]
The Bible teaches husbands to use their authority with love.
Ephesians 5:25-29,33 - While the husband is head of the wife, he must also rule with love as Jesus does for the church.
A man who loves his wife will not use his authority just to get his own way and please himself.
Instead, he will rule for the good of all (1 Corinthians 13:5). This often requires him to sacrifice his own desires for the good of the group, even as Jesus did in dying for the church.
Further, the husband should make a reasonable effort to consult his wife in decisions that affect her; he should take her will into consideration. God grants the church the right to influence His decisions by our prayers. For a husband to refuse to do this would be failing to love his wife as himself: you would not like people to make major decisions that affect you without your input.
Likewise, using family funds to do as you please, without careful consideration of the wife's needs and views, is selfish and unloving.
This does not mean the husband always does what the wife wants. He does what he honestly concludes is best; but making good decisions requires a willingness to receive input from those who must follow the decisions.
Again, Jesus acted with love for the church, even when we were in sin (Romans 5:6-10).
Therefore, the husband must not be unloving toward his wife, even when she is disrespectful or even sinful. On the contrary, he must seek to put love in the home, even when the wife is unloving, just as Jesus did for the church.
1 Peter 3:7 - The husband should strive to understand the needs of the wife and value her, so that he can make his decisions accordingly.
He should honor her (cf. cherish - Ephesians 5:29). The wife should not to be treated as property or a slave, but as a valued and respected companion.
The fact the husband is the leader does not mean the wife is any less valuable or important. In God's plan, value and importance are not determined by authority, but by the service we perform (Matthew 20:20-28). Men and women were each uniquely created by God to fill the role He planned for them. Though their authority and abilities differ, each is equally valuable and important in his/her role (cf. 1 Corinthians 12:14-22).
Young people, do not marry someone unless you are truly convinced that he/she will practice Biblical roles. Young lady, God will require you to submit to your husband for the rest of your life, even when you don't like his decisions and even if you think he is unreasonable. The marriage commitment must be to "love, honor, and obey." Consider that carefully long before you say, "I do."
Young man, God will require you to love your wife and make decisions for her good without bitterness, even when you think she is not submitting to you properly. When you choose a marriage companion, choose someone whose example and conduct indicates understanding of Bible roles and commitment to follow them.
This is another reason why it is so important to really take your time and be sure you know a person well before you marry.
Traditionally and Biblically, the roles of husband and wife were fairly well defined. God created men and women different and assigned them different roles.
Modern philosophies, however, pressure modern families to believe these roles will not work in modern society. Indeed, they may not work - if we want to have the kind of families people in the world have. But if our primary goal in marriage is to serve God, then we will find the roles defined in the Bible are the only ones that will work!
Biblical roles require the following:
A. The Wife Must Submit to Her Husband, But He Must Rule with Love.
The Bible teaches wives to submit to their husbands.
Genesis 3:16 - God decreed that the man should rule over his wife. This is neither the invention of men nor the product of evolution. It is a decree of Almighty God.
Ephesians 5:22-24 - The wife should submit to her husband as the church should submit to Christ. And, she must submit in "everything." She has no more right to pick and choose which decisions she finds acceptable or reasonable, than the church does regarding Jesus' decisions.
The only exception is if her husband tells her to do something that would be sinful to do; then she "must obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29).
Further, the church should cooperate with Jesus' authority in every way possible, submitting willingly out of love (John 14:15). Likewise, the wife should not try to look for loopholes or sneak behind her husband's back or manipulate his decisions by devious means. The command to love her husband (Titus 2:4) should lead her to seek to know his will so she can obey it.
1 Peter 3:1-6 - If her husband is disobedient to God and even if he misuses his authority, even then the wife is not justified in refusing to submit. In fact, this just gives more reason why she should submit, so she can set him a good example. [Cf. Romans 12:17-21.]
[See also Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Corinthians 11:3,8-12.]
The Bible teaches husbands to use their authority with love.
Ephesians 5:25-29,33 - While the husband is head of the wife, he must also rule with love as Jesus does for the church.
A man who loves his wife will not use his authority just to get his own way and please himself.
Instead, he will rule for the good of all (1 Corinthians 13:5). This often requires him to sacrifice his own desires for the good of the group, even as Jesus did in dying for the church.
Further, the husband should make a reasonable effort to consult his wife in decisions that affect her; he should take her will into consideration. God grants the church the right to influence His decisions by our prayers. For a husband to refuse to do this would be failing to love his wife as himself: you would not like people to make major decisions that affect you without your input.
Likewise, using family funds to do as you please, without careful consideration of the wife's needs and views, is selfish and unloving.
This does not mean the husband always does what the wife wants. He does what he honestly concludes is best; but making good decisions requires a willingness to receive input from those who must follow the decisions.
Again, Jesus acted with love for the church, even when we were in sin (Romans 5:6-10).
Therefore, the husband must not be unloving toward his wife, even when she is disrespectful or even sinful. On the contrary, he must seek to put love in the home, even when the wife is unloving, just as Jesus did for the church.
1 Peter 3:7 - The husband should strive to understand the needs of the wife and value her, so that he can make his decisions accordingly.
He should honor her (cf. cherish - Ephesians 5:29). The wife should not to be treated as property or a slave, but as a valued and respected companion.
The fact the husband is the leader does not mean the wife is any less valuable or important. In God's plan, value and importance are not determined by authority, but by the service we perform (Matthew 20:20-28). Men and women were each uniquely created by God to fill the role He planned for them. Though their authority and abilities differ, each is equally valuable and important in his/her role (cf. 1 Corinthians 12:14-22).
Young people, do not marry someone unless you are truly convinced that he/she will practice Biblical roles. Young lady, God will require you to submit to your husband for the rest of your life, even when you don't like his decisions and even if you think he is unreasonable. The marriage commitment must be to "love, honor, and obey." Consider that carefully long before you say, "I do."
Young man, God will require you to love your wife and make decisions for her good without bitterness, even when you think she is not submitting to you properly. When you choose a marriage companion, choose someone whose example and conduct indicates understanding of Bible roles and commitment to follow them.
This is another reason why it is so important to really take your time and be sure you know a person well before you marry.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
VII. Friends and In-Laws
What effect can friends, in-laws, family, and relatives have on a marriage? How important can the influence of companions be?
When you marry, you are marrying one person. But with him/her you "inherit" a whole new set of family members and friends. You will enter a close connection with his/her relatives and friends, and he/she will enter a relationship with your relatives and friends. Sometimes this leads to problems.
A. Sometimes, There Will Be a Conflict with In-Laws and Friends.
Genesis 2:24 - When a man and woman marry, they form a new family separated from the families of either of their parents. The husband is to leave the parents and form a new and stronger tie with his wife.
Ephesians 5:22-25 - The new family has a head: the husband. Neither the man's parents nor the wife's parents are the head of this new family. Friends and family may make suggestions or give Biblical instruction or even rebuke when needed. But the husband is the leader of the new family, and his decisions should give primary consideration to the needs and wishes of his wife.
But some parents do not respect this and try to continue making decisions for their children as they have in the past. Sometimes the son or daughter has trouble "cutting the apron strings" and is too heavily influenced by his/her parents. The new husband may allow his parents to make decisions for him or may make choices on the basis of what pleases his parents instead of what meets the needs of his wife. Or the wife may seek to submit to her parents, instead to her husband. Such interference by family or friends may cause serious conflict in the new marriage.
Avoiding or solving this problem will take understanding of God's will and firm resolve on the part of the new couple. They must discuss the problem, preferably before marriage. Make sure you have a mutual understanding about what your relationship will be to family and friends. If you see evidence of a problem, discuss it. Then the new husband and wife must confront the troublesome family member, explain the Bible teaching, and take a firm stand.
Sometimes the only solution may be to move some distance away from the parents.
B. Your Companion Will Bring to the Marriage Habits and Attitudes Learned from His/Her Family and Friends.
Even if your mate's family or friends make no direct efforts to interfere in your marriage, your companion will come to the marriage with patterns of thinking, acting, and speaking that he/she developed from parents, relatives, and acquaintances. Observing his/her family and friends may help you understand him/her and know what to expect.
The effect of family influence
Ezekiel 16:44 - Like mother, like daughter. Or, as we sometimes say it, "Like father, like son." All of us our influenced by what we grew up with. We tend to continue to relate to people according to the habits we established growing up and according to the role models we observed.
1 Kings 15:3 - This and many similar verses describe people who were good or bad like their parents were. When children grow up with parents who have a good marriage, treat one another well, and are good parents, their children tend to act the same way in their marriage. But if the parents are alcoholic, abusive, or negligent, the children may act that way, even if they hated the way their parents acted. They lack a good role model to follow and may simply not know how to act differently.
It is possible to be different from what a person experienced while growing up, but this is difficult. If you do not like the way your future spouse's parents act in their home, or if you do not like the way your future spouse treats his family, then take care. It will be very difficult for your spouse to change these patterns, and you need to spend lots of time making sure he/she is determined and able to be different.
Nehemiah 13:23,24 - Both parents influence children. If you have conflict with your spouse's family, this needs to be dealt with thoroughly, preferably before marriage. If you marry this person, you will not only have to deal with their family themselves, you will also have to deal with their influence on your mate.
The effect of friends
Proverbs 13:20 - Companionship with fools will make us foolish, but association with wise men will make us wise. Christians realize that our associations, especially our closest companions, will have a major influence on the kind of life we lead. Evil companions corrupt our morals (1 Corinthians 15:33).
When you marry, you inherit your companion's friends. If you marry a person who has a habit of choosing bad companions or "running with a bad crowd," those people will become your companions too. If you marry a person who shows a pattern of wise choice of friends, then both of you will be able to associate with godly, moral people.
Proverbs 29:27 - An unjust man is an abomination to the righteous. But the ways of a righteous man are an abomination to the wicked! Before you marry a person, you need to consider how well you will get along with his friends and relatives and how well your spouse will get along with your family and friends.
Will your companion's friends and in-laws be the kind of people you will want to be visiting with frequently, especially after you have children? Does the person you are considering marrying make wise choice of his/her closest friends? And how will your spouse react to your family and friends?
Discuss these matters carefully before marriage and after marriage. Determine to marry a person only if he/she shows a commitment to good relationships and good influences. After marriage, continue to study God's word together and reevaluate the influence your family and friends have on you, on your marriage, and on your children.
When you marry, you are marrying one person. But with him/her you "inherit" a whole new set of family members and friends. You will enter a close connection with his/her relatives and friends, and he/she will enter a relationship with your relatives and friends. Sometimes this leads to problems.
A. Sometimes, There Will Be a Conflict with In-Laws and Friends.
Genesis 2:24 - When a man and woman marry, they form a new family separated from the families of either of their parents. The husband is to leave the parents and form a new and stronger tie with his wife.
Ephesians 5:22-25 - The new family has a head: the husband. Neither the man's parents nor the wife's parents are the head of this new family. Friends and family may make suggestions or give Biblical instruction or even rebuke when needed. But the husband is the leader of the new family, and his decisions should give primary consideration to the needs and wishes of his wife.
But some parents do not respect this and try to continue making decisions for their children as they have in the past. Sometimes the son or daughter has trouble "cutting the apron strings" and is too heavily influenced by his/her parents. The new husband may allow his parents to make decisions for him or may make choices on the basis of what pleases his parents instead of what meets the needs of his wife. Or the wife may seek to submit to her parents, instead to her husband. Such interference by family or friends may cause serious conflict in the new marriage.
Avoiding or solving this problem will take understanding of God's will and firm resolve on the part of the new couple. They must discuss the problem, preferably before marriage. Make sure you have a mutual understanding about what your relationship will be to family and friends. If you see evidence of a problem, discuss it. Then the new husband and wife must confront the troublesome family member, explain the Bible teaching, and take a firm stand.
Sometimes the only solution may be to move some distance away from the parents.
B. Your Companion Will Bring to the Marriage Habits and Attitudes Learned from His/Her Family and Friends.
Even if your mate's family or friends make no direct efforts to interfere in your marriage, your companion will come to the marriage with patterns of thinking, acting, and speaking that he/she developed from parents, relatives, and acquaintances. Observing his/her family and friends may help you understand him/her and know what to expect.
The effect of family influence
Ezekiel 16:44 - Like mother, like daughter. Or, as we sometimes say it, "Like father, like son." All of us our influenced by what we grew up with. We tend to continue to relate to people according to the habits we established growing up and according to the role models we observed.
1 Kings 15:3 - This and many similar verses describe people who were good or bad like their parents were. When children grow up with parents who have a good marriage, treat one another well, and are good parents, their children tend to act the same way in their marriage. But if the parents are alcoholic, abusive, or negligent, the children may act that way, even if they hated the way their parents acted. They lack a good role model to follow and may simply not know how to act differently.
It is possible to be different from what a person experienced while growing up, but this is difficult. If you do not like the way your future spouse's parents act in their home, or if you do not like the way your future spouse treats his family, then take care. It will be very difficult for your spouse to change these patterns, and you need to spend lots of time making sure he/she is determined and able to be different.
Nehemiah 13:23,24 - Both parents influence children. If you have conflict with your spouse's family, this needs to be dealt with thoroughly, preferably before marriage. If you marry this person, you will not only have to deal with their family themselves, you will also have to deal with their influence on your mate.
The effect of friends
Proverbs 13:20 - Companionship with fools will make us foolish, but association with wise men will make us wise. Christians realize that our associations, especially our closest companions, will have a major influence on the kind of life we lead. Evil companions corrupt our morals (1 Corinthians 15:33).
When you marry, you inherit your companion's friends. If you marry a person who has a habit of choosing bad companions or "running with a bad crowd," those people will become your companions too. If you marry a person who shows a pattern of wise choice of friends, then both of you will be able to associate with godly, moral people.
Proverbs 29:27 - An unjust man is an abomination to the righteous. But the ways of a righteous man are an abomination to the wicked! Before you marry a person, you need to consider how well you will get along with his friends and relatives and how well your spouse will get along with your family and friends.
Will your companion's friends and in-laws be the kind of people you will want to be visiting with frequently, especially after you have children? Does the person you are considering marrying make wise choice of his/her closest friends? And how will your spouse react to your family and friends?
Discuss these matters carefully before marriage and after marriage. Determine to marry a person only if he/she shows a commitment to good relationships and good influences. After marriage, continue to study God's word together and reevaluate the influence your family and friends have on you, on your marriage, and on your children.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
C. Husbands and Wives Must Control Their Anger.
Bible teaching
Ephesians 4:26 - Being angry is not necessarily sinful, but we must control our anger or it will lead us into sin. [Mark 3:5]
James 1:19,20 - Be slow to speak, slow to wrath, because man's anger does not work God's righteousness. Learn not to get angry quickly, and do not speak quickly when you are angry. You can learn to control your temper. [Proverbs 14:17]
Proverbs 29:11,20 - A foolish man utters all his anger and is hasty in words. Sometimes people say, "I just say what I think," as though this justifies their sinful statements. But some things should not be thought, let alone said (Matthew 12:35-37). And wise men learn to control their speech. Only a foolish man says every thought that comes to his mind, especially when he is angry. [Ephesians 4:31,32; Proverbs 16:32; 25:28]
Proverbs 15:1,28 - When you are angry or your spouse is angry, study to answer (think about it carefully), and respond calmly.
Proverbs 22:24,25 - Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul.
Applications
Failure to control ones temper leads to sin and ruins many marriages.
Uncontrolled anger often leads to sin against others, especially those closest to us. It can even lead to violence and spouse or child abuse. If you have a temper problem, you must learn to control it if you ever expect to have a good home, to please God, or to receive eternal life.
If a person is known to have a bad temper that he often does not control, and especially if he is known to get violent, why marry him? Let him learn to grow up and prove he can control himself over a long period of time, or marry someone else.
You say, "He said he was sorry and asked me to forgive him."
Evil people often take advantage of the kindness of innocent people, especially young women. They lead you to believe that, if they say they are sorry, you must take them back and continue the relationship, even if you are not married.
Apologizing is good. But every liar will say he's sorry, when you catch him and prove unquestionably that he lied. People who frequently lose their temper will be sorry after they calm down. But real repentance requires changing, not just being sorry (Acts 26:20). Such characteristics are habits engrained in the character. They can be changed, but it will take time and motivation. Don't risk your soul and your happiness by marrying such a person.
If he apologizes and promises to change, you should forgive. But that does not require you to marry him or even to continue a relationship. Forgiving a person and marrying them are two different issues. Are you required to marry every person who asks your forgiveness? You are not required to marry anybody! You have every right to decide not to marry a person on any grounds you choose.
If he goes a year or two without committing such sins, you may have grounds to reconsider. But meanwhile, break off the relationship and let him prove himself willing to truly change. This keeps you free from an emotional bond that could bring you to ruin.
2 Peter 1:6; Galatians 5:22,23 - Self-control is both a fruit of the Spirit and a virtue one must add to his faith.
Before they marry, a man and a woman should both be mature and responsible enough to tell the truth, keep their promises, control their temper, and control their finances. If you are considering marrying a person who lacks self-control, do not think it will get better after marriage - it will probably get worse! Marry someone else, or at least wait until he/she grows up and enough time has passed to prove they have a pattern of responsible conduct.
If you are already married and have these problems, grow up! Study the Bible and make a commitment before God to change. Then keep your word and change.
Ephesians 4:26 - Being angry is not necessarily sinful, but we must control our anger or it will lead us into sin. [Mark 3:5]
James 1:19,20 - Be slow to speak, slow to wrath, because man's anger does not work God's righteousness. Learn not to get angry quickly, and do not speak quickly when you are angry. You can learn to control your temper. [Proverbs 14:17]
Proverbs 29:11,20 - A foolish man utters all his anger and is hasty in words. Sometimes people say, "I just say what I think," as though this justifies their sinful statements. But some things should not be thought, let alone said (Matthew 12:35-37). And wise men learn to control their speech. Only a foolish man says every thought that comes to his mind, especially when he is angry. [Ephesians 4:31,32; Proverbs 16:32; 25:28]
Proverbs 15:1,28 - When you are angry or your spouse is angry, study to answer (think about it carefully), and respond calmly.
Proverbs 22:24,25 - Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul.
Applications
Failure to control ones temper leads to sin and ruins many marriages.
Uncontrolled anger often leads to sin against others, especially those closest to us. It can even lead to violence and spouse or child abuse. If you have a temper problem, you must learn to control it if you ever expect to have a good home, to please God, or to receive eternal life.
If a person is known to have a bad temper that he often does not control, and especially if he is known to get violent, why marry him? Let him learn to grow up and prove he can control himself over a long period of time, or marry someone else.
You say, "He said he was sorry and asked me to forgive him."
Evil people often take advantage of the kindness of innocent people, especially young women. They lead you to believe that, if they say they are sorry, you must take them back and continue the relationship, even if you are not married.
Apologizing is good. But every liar will say he's sorry, when you catch him and prove unquestionably that he lied. People who frequently lose their temper will be sorry after they calm down. But real repentance requires changing, not just being sorry (Acts 26:20). Such characteristics are habits engrained in the character. They can be changed, but it will take time and motivation. Don't risk your soul and your happiness by marrying such a person.
If he apologizes and promises to change, you should forgive. But that does not require you to marry him or even to continue a relationship. Forgiving a person and marrying them are two different issues. Are you required to marry every person who asks your forgiveness? You are not required to marry anybody! You have every right to decide not to marry a person on any grounds you choose.
If he goes a year or two without committing such sins, you may have grounds to reconsider. But meanwhile, break off the relationship and let him prove himself willing to truly change. This keeps you free from an emotional bond that could bring you to ruin.
2 Peter 1:6; Galatians 5:22,23 - Self-control is both a fruit of the Spirit and a virtue one must add to his faith.
Before they marry, a man and a woman should both be mature and responsible enough to tell the truth, keep their promises, control their temper, and control their finances. If you are considering marrying a person who lacks self-control, do not think it will get better after marriage - it will probably get worse! Marry someone else, or at least wait until he/she grows up and enough time has passed to prove they have a pattern of responsible conduct.
If you are already married and have these problems, grow up! Study the Bible and make a commitment before God to change. Then keep your word and change.
Monday, January 5, 2009
B. Husbands and Wives Should Pay Their Debts and Control Spending.
Money matters are one of the biggest causes of strife in marriage. Often the problem is caused by over-commitment to debt.
Bible principles
Christians must pay their debts.
2 Corinthians 8:21 - Provide for things that are honorable, not only in the sight of the Lord, but also in the sight of men. Being honorable in dealing with men requires paying our debts.
Psalm 37:21 - One who borrows and then does not pay again is wicked.
James 5:12 - Let your yea be yea and your nay, nay. If you don't intend to pay for a thing, don't promise that you will. If you do promise, then you are obligated to keep that commitment.
Romans 13:7,8 - Not only must we pay our taxes, but render to all what is due. This does not mean it is wrong to borrow. But when the payments come due, you must pay what you owe.
For Christians, there can be no doubt about whether or not debts will be paid. Failure to pay a debt is one form of dishonesty and failing to keep our promises.
[James 5:4]
One reason people are overwhelmed by debt is desire for material things.
Matthew 13:22 - In the parable of the sower, the thorny soil represents people in whom God's word is choked by the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches. These problems cause much marital strife and destroy marriages, as well as making people unfaithful to God.
1 John 2:15-17 - Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. People are often led to buy things they cannot afford because of lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, or pride of life. We see things that we think will satisfying our desires or that will make us feel important. We want what others have. But if we love the world, the love of God is not in us.
1 Timothy 6:6-10 - Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
Instead, we need to learn to be content with basic necessities.
Applications
Just because others have something doesn't mean your family needs it. Often a couple buys things they don't really need and can't really afford, then there is arguing about how the debts will be paid. Or both husband and wife work long hours to buy material things, but as a result they neglect their responsibilities to one another, to their children, to the church, etc.
Couples need to learn from the early days of their marriage to make a budget and live by it.
Make a list of the things you need in order to live and how much each one will cost you. If you can't afford to pay for a thing and still spend the time and money you need with your family and in God's work, then learn to do without it.
Avoid debt whenever possible. Never make a debt unless you have every reason to believe you can pay it. If you make a debt, pay it.
If a person has demonstrated that they cannot control their spending and cannot learn to live on their income, then don't marry them. Or wait till they grow up and demonstrate in their life the basic honesty and self-control required to live within their means and pay their debts.
[Luke 12:15-22; Matthew 6:19-33]
Bible principles
Christians must pay their debts.
2 Corinthians 8:21 - Provide for things that are honorable, not only in the sight of the Lord, but also in the sight of men. Being honorable in dealing with men requires paying our debts.
Psalm 37:21 - One who borrows and then does not pay again is wicked.
James 5:12 - Let your yea be yea and your nay, nay. If you don't intend to pay for a thing, don't promise that you will. If you do promise, then you are obligated to keep that commitment.
Romans 13:7,8 - Not only must we pay our taxes, but render to all what is due. This does not mean it is wrong to borrow. But when the payments come due, you must pay what you owe.
For Christians, there can be no doubt about whether or not debts will be paid. Failure to pay a debt is one form of dishonesty and failing to keep our promises.
[James 5:4]
One reason people are overwhelmed by debt is desire for material things.
Matthew 13:22 - In the parable of the sower, the thorny soil represents people in whom God's word is choked by the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches. These problems cause much marital strife and destroy marriages, as well as making people unfaithful to God.
1 John 2:15-17 - Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. People are often led to buy things they cannot afford because of lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, or pride of life. We see things that we think will satisfying our desires or that will make us feel important. We want what others have. But if we love the world, the love of God is not in us.
1 Timothy 6:6-10 - Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
Instead, we need to learn to be content with basic necessities.
Applications
Just because others have something doesn't mean your family needs it. Often a couple buys things they don't really need and can't really afford, then there is arguing about how the debts will be paid. Or both husband and wife work long hours to buy material things, but as a result they neglect their responsibilities to one another, to their children, to the church, etc.
Couples need to learn from the early days of their marriage to make a budget and live by it.
Make a list of the things you need in order to live and how much each one will cost you. If you can't afford to pay for a thing and still spend the time and money you need with your family and in God's work, then learn to do without it.
Avoid debt whenever possible. Never make a debt unless you have every reason to believe you can pay it. If you make a debt, pay it.
If a person has demonstrated that they cannot control their spending and cannot learn to live on their income, then don't marry them. Or wait till they grow up and demonstrate in their life the basic honesty and self-control required to live within their means and pay their debts.
[Luke 12:15-22; Matthew 6:19-33]
Saturday, January 3, 2009
VI. Responsibility, Honesty, and Self-Control
Why should married couples be responsible and honest? How important are trust, truth, keeping promises, paying debts, and controlling spending. Why avoid deceit, lying, and uncontrolled anger?
Major marriage problems often are caused by irresponsible conduct, especially regarding honesty, financial matters, and uncontrolled temper.
A. Husbands and Wives Must Tell the Truth and Keep Their Promises.
God requires us to tell the truth.
Bible teaching
Proverbs 6:16-19 - There are 7 things God hates, and two of them involve lying and deceit: "a lying tongue," and "a false witness that tells lies."
Proverbs 30:8 - Remove far from me falsehood and lies. No servant of God wants a close relationship with one who practices lying or deceit.
Revelation 21:8,27; 22:14,15 - All liars will have their part in the lake of fire outside the holy city.
Ephesians 4:25 - Putting away lying, "Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor," for we are members of one another. In no relationship is this more true than in marriage.
Romans 1:29,32 - Deceit is a twin brother of lying. It involves deliberately attempting to lead people to believe things that are not true. Those who practice it, and those who approve of others who practice it, both are worthy of death.
Psalm 40:4 - Do not have respect for those who turn aside to lies.
[John 8:44; Colossians 3:9; Psalm 24:3-5; 1 Peter 2:1,22; 3:10; Matthew 15:18-20; Proverbs 19:22; Exodus 20:16; Acts 5:1-9]
Applications
If we really understand this Bible teaching, why would we ever be dishonest with our marriage companion? Lying and deceit are always sinful. Why should we practice them toward those whom God has commanded us to love?
Marriage is based on mutual trust. When you sneak and deceive your spouse to get your way, you destroy the foundation of marriage and you sin against your spouse and against God.
And why would we marry anyone known to tell lies? If the person you are considering marrying lies to you or others, break off the relationship. A person who lies can never be trusted.
And if he/she lies to other people, don't think they won't lie to you. He will lie to anyone, when he thinks it is to his advantage. You never know when they are lying and when they are telling the truth. Why choose to live with that all your life?
God requires us to keep our promises.
Bible teaching
Hebrews 10:23 - God is faithful to His promises to us. This is just one of many characteristics God requires us to possess because it is a fundamental characteristic He possesses.
Genesis 29:18-28 - Laban agreed to give Rachel to Jacob for his wife if he would work seven years. But when the time came, he gave Leah instead. This is described as deceit (v25). Deceit characterized this whole family, and trouble repeatedly resulted. When a person can keep a promise but knowingly refuses to do so, that is deceitful. [31:4-13, 38-53]
Numbers 30:1,2 - The Lord commanded if a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. [Prov. 22:25]
James 5:12 - Do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. But let your "Yes," be "Yes," and your "No," "No," lest you fall into judgment. [Matt. 5:33-37; 23:16-22; 2 Cor. 1:15-20]
The fact we don't take oaths under the New Testament does not mean that keeping our word is less needed in the New Testament than in the Old Testament; rather, it is more necessary. In the New Testament, giving your word is binding, like Old Testament oaths were binding.
Romans 1:31,32 - Among those worthy of death are "covenant-breakers" (KJV & ASV). The NKJV says "untrustworthy" - surely, one who does keep his word is not trustworthy.
Matthew 7:12 (22:36-39) - The Golden Rule requires us to do to others as we want them to do to us. If it bothers you for people to make promises to you that they don't keep, then don't treat others this way.
[See also Proverbs 20:25; Ecclesiastes 5:2-6; Malachi 2:13-16; Jer. 34:8-22; Ezek. 17:12-16 (cf. v17-21); Gal. 3:15; Josh 2:9-21; 6:22f; 1 Kings 2:8,42f.]
Applications
Sometimes extenuating circumstances might release us from a promise.
(1) We may have made a conditional promise. If the condition is not met, we are not obligated. [Sometimes conditions are understood, even if not stated.]
(2) Physical circumstances beyond our control may make it impossible to do as planned (like sickness keeping us from job, church meeting, etc.) [Luke 7:41,42; Matt. 18:24-34]
(3) The person to whom we made the commitment may agree to change the agreement [Prov. 6:1-5; Luke 7:41,42; Matt. 18:24-34].
(4) If we committed ourselves to do something sinful, we must repent of having made the commitment, and then not keep it (Matthew 21:28-30).
But we must never make a promise that we have no intention of keeping. Having made a promise, we must not knowingly fail to keep it when we are able to keep it.
If a person does not honor his word and keep his promises, what reason do you have to believe he will keep the marriage vows? What evidence is there that he/she will stay with you till death or remain faithful sexually?
Few things do more harm to the marriage relationship than a partner who cannot be trusted to tell the truth and keep his/her word.
Major marriage problems often are caused by irresponsible conduct, especially regarding honesty, financial matters, and uncontrolled temper.
A. Husbands and Wives Must Tell the Truth and Keep Their Promises.
God requires us to tell the truth.
Bible teaching
Proverbs 6:16-19 - There are 7 things God hates, and two of them involve lying and deceit: "a lying tongue," and "a false witness that tells lies."
Proverbs 30:8 - Remove far from me falsehood and lies. No servant of God wants a close relationship with one who practices lying or deceit.
Revelation 21:8,27; 22:14,15 - All liars will have their part in the lake of fire outside the holy city.
Ephesians 4:25 - Putting away lying, "Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor," for we are members of one another. In no relationship is this more true than in marriage.
Romans 1:29,32 - Deceit is a twin brother of lying. It involves deliberately attempting to lead people to believe things that are not true. Those who practice it, and those who approve of others who practice it, both are worthy of death.
Psalm 40:4 - Do not have respect for those who turn aside to lies.
[John 8:44; Colossians 3:9; Psalm 24:3-5; 1 Peter 2:1,22; 3:10; Matthew 15:18-20; Proverbs 19:22; Exodus 20:16; Acts 5:1-9]
Applications
If we really understand this Bible teaching, why would we ever be dishonest with our marriage companion? Lying and deceit are always sinful. Why should we practice them toward those whom God has commanded us to love?
Marriage is based on mutual trust. When you sneak and deceive your spouse to get your way, you destroy the foundation of marriage and you sin against your spouse and against God.
And why would we marry anyone known to tell lies? If the person you are considering marrying lies to you or others, break off the relationship. A person who lies can never be trusted.
And if he/she lies to other people, don't think they won't lie to you. He will lie to anyone, when he thinks it is to his advantage. You never know when they are lying and when they are telling the truth. Why choose to live with that all your life?
God requires us to keep our promises.
Bible teaching
Hebrews 10:23 - God is faithful to His promises to us. This is just one of many characteristics God requires us to possess because it is a fundamental characteristic He possesses.
Genesis 29:18-28 - Laban agreed to give Rachel to Jacob for his wife if he would work seven years. But when the time came, he gave Leah instead. This is described as deceit (v25). Deceit characterized this whole family, and trouble repeatedly resulted. When a person can keep a promise but knowingly refuses to do so, that is deceitful. [31:4-13, 38-53]
Numbers 30:1,2 - The Lord commanded if a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. [Prov. 22:25]
James 5:12 - Do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. But let your "Yes," be "Yes," and your "No," "No," lest you fall into judgment. [Matt. 5:33-37; 23:16-22; 2 Cor. 1:15-20]
The fact we don't take oaths under the New Testament does not mean that keeping our word is less needed in the New Testament than in the Old Testament; rather, it is more necessary. In the New Testament, giving your word is binding, like Old Testament oaths were binding.
Romans 1:31,32 - Among those worthy of death are "covenant-breakers" (KJV & ASV). The NKJV says "untrustworthy" - surely, one who does keep his word is not trustworthy.
Matthew 7:12 (22:36-39) - The Golden Rule requires us to do to others as we want them to do to us. If it bothers you for people to make promises to you that they don't keep, then don't treat others this way.
[See also Proverbs 20:25; Ecclesiastes 5:2-6; Malachi 2:13-16; Jer. 34:8-22; Ezek. 17:12-16 (cf. v17-21); Gal. 3:15; Josh 2:9-21; 6:22f; 1 Kings 2:8,42f.]
Applications
Sometimes extenuating circumstances might release us from a promise.
(1) We may have made a conditional promise. If the condition is not met, we are not obligated. [Sometimes conditions are understood, even if not stated.]
(2) Physical circumstances beyond our control may make it impossible to do as planned (like sickness keeping us from job, church meeting, etc.) [Luke 7:41,42; Matt. 18:24-34]
(3) The person to whom we made the commitment may agree to change the agreement [Prov. 6:1-5; Luke 7:41,42; Matt. 18:24-34].
(4) If we committed ourselves to do something sinful, we must repent of having made the commitment, and then not keep it (Matthew 21:28-30).
But we must never make a promise that we have no intention of keeping. Having made a promise, we must not knowingly fail to keep it when we are able to keep it.
If a person does not honor his word and keep his promises, what reason do you have to believe he will keep the marriage vows? What evidence is there that he/she will stay with you till death or remain faithful sexually?
Few things do more harm to the marriage relationship than a partner who cannot be trusted to tell the truth and keep his/her word.
Friday, January 2, 2009
E. Learn to Love by Thinking, Speaking, and Acting for the Wellbeing of the Other Person.
How do you put love into a marriage where it is lacking? Instead of thinking first and foremost about what you want, act for their good and the good of your relationship. You choose to do what is best for the other person! That is Biblical love.
The key to putting love into marriage and keeping it in marriage is to do and keep doing the things that led you to love one another to begin with!
The reason couples stop loving one another is that they stop doing the things that led them to love one another! This is one of the most profound things I learned in 35 years of marriage. The incredible thing is that most of us are so foolish that we can't see that. This discussion involves a measure of judgment and wisdom, but it surely harmonizes with Bible principles.
How do couples learn to love in the first place?
Consider: What did you do that led you to decide that you loved one another and wanted to get married? We know how to put love into a relationship. We did it before we were married. We act a certain way to nourish love before marriage, then we get married and quit doing those things!
If you want more love in your marriage now, go back and do the same things again!
Couples learn to love by saying and doing things to please the other person.
Before marriage, the young man sends the girl gifts, flowers, cards. After marriage, he stops.
Before marriage, the young lady chooses her clothes, her perfume, her hair style deliberately to please him. After marriage, she says, "All my lady friends think this looks good on me. If he doesn't like it, something's wrong with him." Is that the way you thought before marriage?
Before marriage, you took the time to listen to her/him. After marriage, you don't have time.
Before marriage, did you show politeness and respect: hold the door for her, let her go first, say "please" and "thank you"? Do you do those things now?
Before marriage, did you compliment her hair, her dress? Did you use expressions of affection? Why not now?
Before marriage, you remembered her birthday and other special days. What about now?
Before marriage, you went places and did things together. What about after marriage?
We know what cultivates love in a relationship. Why, after marriage, do we become brain dead?
Go back and act the way you acted that led you into love. Don't wait for feelings or a special mood to strike you. Make a deliberate choice to do these things - love is a commitment.
Couples learn to love by taking time to be together.
Many times I have heard older couples say, "To keep love in a marriage you need to keep dating one another." For years that made little sense to me. Finally, I realized the point was that you make appointments to spend time visiting together and doing things to please the other person. That's how you learned to love, and that is how you stay in love!
Make an appointment once a week (at least once a month) to spend time primarily visiting with your spouse. And then once a year or so, take a few days to get away doing things together, talking, visiting, and just focusing on one another.
All of us live by some kind of schedule. We budget out time. Discuss your schedule with your spouse once a week (or at least once a month) and arrange an appointment for an evening or a couple of hours together. Do the things you did that led you into love.
We lose love, because we stop doing the things that produced love to begin with!
Many couples have excuses why they don't do these things.
* "We don't have time."
Did you have time before marriage? Why did you have time then, but not now? The answer is: You made the time, because it was important to you to be with her/him.
You have time to watch TV or visit on the phone with friends or read a book, etc. for 2-3 hours a week. But you can't spend that time with your spouse instead? What does that say?
Find someone to take the kids for an evening, trade babysitting with friends.
Make an appointment and don't break it except for absolute emergencies. If someone wants you to do something else say, "We have an appointment that evening."
* "We can't afford it."
You can't afford not to. Your marriage needs love. You must pay the price.
You don't have to spend a lot of money. Go for a walk in the park or the mall.
What did you do and where did you go before you got married. Go there and do it again!
The point is to spend time together.
* "We don't enjoy the same things."
She likes to shop, he can't stand to shop. He likes ball games, she can't stand ball games. Etc.
What did you do before you got married? You found things to do then! Do them again.
Then, you did not insist that your spouse do what you want. You did things she/he wants. Did you go shopping with her then? Do you go to ballgames with him then? Why not now?
Karen and I like to dress up and go out to eat, to a clean movie, or shopping. I don't much care to eat out. But I know she likes it. And I like being with her. We shop for something we both want to get; or we shop where she wants and then where I want.
The point is: If the object is to please the other person, to strengthen your relationship, and to show the other person you care, you find something to do and a way to do it, just like you did before you got married. Forget the excuses. You've already proved you can do it. Do it again.
What is missing in all these excuses? What is the fundamental problem?
When we make these excuses, we are saying we don't spend time together because the other person and our relationship with that person are not important enough!
If you don't have time or money for one another and don't' enjoy doing things together, how did you end up getting married? Before you got married, you found the time and the money and you found things to do. If you don't do it now, it's because your marriage relationship is not important enough. You don't care like you used to. We may not say it or think it, but our actions show it. And at least subconsciously, our spouse feels it. And that's why our marriages lack love!
Before marriage, you took time and money and you found things to do together, because you cared enough about one another. So the way to come to love one another again and to continue to love one another is to go back and do the things that led you to love one another to begin with.
Your marriage needs love. You have a command of God to put it in. Do what you did that led you to love to begin with.
The key to putting love into marriage and keeping it in marriage is to do and keep doing the things that led you to love one another to begin with!
The reason couples stop loving one another is that they stop doing the things that led them to love one another! This is one of the most profound things I learned in 35 years of marriage. The incredible thing is that most of us are so foolish that we can't see that. This discussion involves a measure of judgment and wisdom, but it surely harmonizes with Bible principles.
How do couples learn to love in the first place?
Consider: What did you do that led you to decide that you loved one another and wanted to get married? We know how to put love into a relationship. We did it before we were married. We act a certain way to nourish love before marriage, then we get married and quit doing those things!
If you want more love in your marriage now, go back and do the same things again!
Couples learn to love by saying and doing things to please the other person.
Before marriage, the young man sends the girl gifts, flowers, cards. After marriage, he stops.
Before marriage, the young lady chooses her clothes, her perfume, her hair style deliberately to please him. After marriage, she says, "All my lady friends think this looks good on me. If he doesn't like it, something's wrong with him." Is that the way you thought before marriage?
Before marriage, you took the time to listen to her/him. After marriage, you don't have time.
Before marriage, did you show politeness and respect: hold the door for her, let her go first, say "please" and "thank you"? Do you do those things now?
Before marriage, did you compliment her hair, her dress? Did you use expressions of affection? Why not now?
Before marriage, you remembered her birthday and other special days. What about now?
Before marriage, you went places and did things together. What about after marriage?
We know what cultivates love in a relationship. Why, after marriage, do we become brain dead?
Go back and act the way you acted that led you into love. Don't wait for feelings or a special mood to strike you. Make a deliberate choice to do these things - love is a commitment.
Couples learn to love by taking time to be together.
Many times I have heard older couples say, "To keep love in a marriage you need to keep dating one another." For years that made little sense to me. Finally, I realized the point was that you make appointments to spend time visiting together and doing things to please the other person. That's how you learned to love, and that is how you stay in love!
Make an appointment once a week (at least once a month) to spend time primarily visiting with your spouse. And then once a year or so, take a few days to get away doing things together, talking, visiting, and just focusing on one another.
All of us live by some kind of schedule. We budget out time. Discuss your schedule with your spouse once a week (or at least once a month) and arrange an appointment for an evening or a couple of hours together. Do the things you did that led you into love.
We lose love, because we stop doing the things that produced love to begin with!
Many couples have excuses why they don't do these things.
* "We don't have time."
Did you have time before marriage? Why did you have time then, but not now? The answer is: You made the time, because it was important to you to be with her/him.
You have time to watch TV or visit on the phone with friends or read a book, etc. for 2-3 hours a week. But you can't spend that time with your spouse instead? What does that say?
Find someone to take the kids for an evening, trade babysitting with friends.
Make an appointment and don't break it except for absolute emergencies. If someone wants you to do something else say, "We have an appointment that evening."
* "We can't afford it."
You can't afford not to. Your marriage needs love. You must pay the price.
You don't have to spend a lot of money. Go for a walk in the park or the mall.
What did you do and where did you go before you got married. Go there and do it again!
The point is to spend time together.
* "We don't enjoy the same things."
She likes to shop, he can't stand to shop. He likes ball games, she can't stand ball games. Etc.
What did you do before you got married? You found things to do then! Do them again.
Then, you did not insist that your spouse do what you want. You did things she/he wants. Did you go shopping with her then? Do you go to ballgames with him then? Why not now?
Karen and I like to dress up and go out to eat, to a clean movie, or shopping. I don't much care to eat out. But I know she likes it. And I like being with her. We shop for something we both want to get; or we shop where she wants and then where I want.
The point is: If the object is to please the other person, to strengthen your relationship, and to show the other person you care, you find something to do and a way to do it, just like you did before you got married. Forget the excuses. You've already proved you can do it. Do it again.
What is missing in all these excuses? What is the fundamental problem?
When we make these excuses, we are saying we don't spend time together because the other person and our relationship with that person are not important enough!
If you don't have time or money for one another and don't' enjoy doing things together, how did you end up getting married? Before you got married, you found the time and the money and you found things to do. If you don't do it now, it's because your marriage relationship is not important enough. You don't care like you used to. We may not say it or think it, but our actions show it. And at least subconsciously, our spouse feels it. And that's why our marriages lack love!
Before marriage, you took time and money and you found things to do together, because you cared enough about one another. So the way to come to love one another again and to continue to love one another is to go back and do the things that led you to love one another to begin with.
Your marriage needs love. You have a command of God to put it in. Do what you did that led you to love to begin with.
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