IX. Raising Children

What principles should parents follow in raising children? How important are Bible teaching, love, and authority? Should father and mother use punishments and rewards? What about spanking?

Children are a stewardship and a blessing from God. God expects us to train our children to become what He wants them to be, and He will judge us for the work we do as parents.
Yet, children remain one of the biggest problems many families face. Being a good parent requires good preparation and diligent application. The Bible gives instructions that, properly applied, would solve most serious problems.

A. Parents Must Train Their Children to Serve God.

Parents must take time to instruct their children in God's word.

Proverbs 1:8 - Children should hear the instruction of their fathers and not forsake the law of their mothers. Both mothers and fathers should be involved in instructing the children.
Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers should bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The idea that fathers may "leave it up to the mother to train the children" is unscriptural. The church may help, but the teaching must not ultimately be left up to the church. Because the father is the head of the family, God gives him the ultimate responsibility to see that the children are correctly trained.

2 Timothy 3:15 - From childhood, Timothy had been taught the Scriptures, because they could make him wise to salvation. Parents must begin at very young ages to train children properly. Too many people neglect the early training of their children, then they try to correct the children when they become teenagers and face serious problems. The problems should have been solved - and would have been much easier to solve - years earlier.

Genesis 18:19 - Abraham commanded his family after him to do God's will. [Deuteronomy 4:9,10; Psalm 78:4-8]

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 - We should diligently teach God's word to our children, talking of them throughout the day. We need set times during the week for teaching the children God's word. But we also need to teach throughout the day as situations arise where we can apply Bible principles.

2 Timothy 1:5 - The faith Timothy had, first existed in his mother and grandmother. Training children properly requires both a good example and good instruction. Many parents tell their children how to live, yet the children do not serve God faithfully because they see that the parents don't practice what they preach.
[Malachi 2:15]

B. Parents Should Show Affection and Make Decisions with Love.

Psalm 127:3-5; 128:3,4 - Parents should appreciate children as a blessing from God. Some parents act as though caring for children is an unbearable drudgery. They grumble and complain about their kids. They may abuse them, desert them, seek other people to take care of them, or even murder them before they are born. Instead, we ought to let them know we love and appreciate them. [Genesis 33:5]

Titus 2:4 - Young women should be taught to love their children. Most people will naturally love their children; even so, there are many aspects of love that we must be taught to practice. There should be no "unwanted children," not because we have aborted them before birth, but because we have learned to love them.

1 John 3:18 - Love shows itself by what we do as well as what we say. We must tell our children we love them, put our arms around them, etc. But we must also act in ways that show we love them.

Colossians 3:21 - Do not provoke the child to discouragement. Often parents continually belittle their children, criticizing and condemning them, with never a word of praise or appreciation. Breaking a child's spirit and destroying his sense of worth is one way to provoke him to discouragement.

1 Corinthians 13:5 - Love does not seek its own. If we love our children, we will not make rules just to please ourselves so we can get our own way. It is not good for the child to be allowed to just do what he wants, but neither is it good if we ignore the best interest of the child to satisfy our own selfish desires. We must make rules for the good of all. And when we must punish a child, let us exercise self-control to be sure we act and speak for the good of the child, not because we have lost our temper.