B. Know One Another Very Well Before Committing to Marriage.

In order to choose a companion based on character, it follows that you must know a person's character and know it well in order to judge wisely.

Ecclesiastes 5:2 - Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. Marriage is a commitment before God. Do not enter it rashly.

Consider some specific applications.

Generally, you should know one another a long time.

We repeatedly taught our children to know a person for at least two years before they marry them - longer, if there was any significant questions about the person's character or spirituality.

But the issue is not how long you know one another so much as how well you know one another.

In some circumstances people get to know one another more quickly than otherwise.

Someone says, "I know couples who got married a month after they met, and they had a good marriage." Yes, and I have heard of people who jumped out of airplanes without a good parachute and survived, but I still don't recommend it! And people who get married after a short courtship will not recommend it to their children! They ran a great risk but were fortunate. For every such person, there are many who marry after a short acquaintance and live to regret it.

One of our daughters met a young man at college, and a few months later they asked for our blessing on their wedding plans. But we did not know him and our first impressions were unfavorable. So, we stalled ... and stalled ... and stalled to get to know him better. After enough time passed, the young man revealed his true character, and our daughter broke off the relationship.

Proverbs 29:20 - Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him. Hasty commitment to marriage is absolutely foolish.

If you do not know a person well - well enough to put your life and even your eternal destiny on the outcome - then you are not ready to get married.

Talk about issues of importance in marriage.

Ask the other person their views about marriage, children, and especially about spiritual matters. Express your views and get their reaction. Study the Bible together. Learn your areas of agreement and disagreement.

And learn to work out your differences. Do not ignore your disagreements. Many people think their problems will just work out after marriage. How do you know? Usually they get worse! Discuss them now and see how well you are able to work out problems. Every marriage has problems. If you can't work out problems, you cannot succeed in marriage.

If you and your friend have not thoroughly discussed what you expect from marriage - and if you have not demonstrated your ability to resolve differences - you are not ready to marry.

Spend time together under many different circumstances.

Proverbs 23:7 - For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

"Talk is cheap." Don't base your decision just on talk. Get to know a person's heart.

The young man our daughter almost married said all the right things. But somehow his actions never seemed to accomplish his big plans.

Typical dating situations hide flaws. Couples put on their best behavior and best appearance to attract the other person. Friends and family may not tell you what they know about the person's shortcomings. After marriage is when all the character flaws become obvious - but it's too late. You need to know his or her character before marriage.

Karen and I often warn people about the danger of making a serious commitment when you've seen a person primarily in one setting, such as in the artificial environment of college, especially one like Florida College. Wait till you leave and see how your relationship survives.

Spend time together in various situations. Spend time with your family and friends. See how he treats his family and friends and how well he gets along with your family and friends. Go places where they like to go and places where you like to go. Observe how they react under circumstances of stress, when they are not getting their way. Observe one another in the real world.

Consider a person's reputation and the judgment of godly family and friends.

Proverbs 15:22 - Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established.

Boaz knew Ruth was a godly woman, because she had that reputation throughout the whole city. Sometimes a person's reputation - good or bad - is not deserved. But before you marry someone whose reputation is not good, make sure you know why they have that reputation.
Get to know well the family and friends of your potential spouse. Seek the honest evaluation of people who know the other person well and whose godly wisdom you trust.

The young man our daughter almost married was planning to preach. A preacher who knew them both well wrote a "letter of recommendation" to churches about him. About the only really good thing the letter said about the young man was that he wanted to marry a really outstanding young woman! The red flag was waving!

The opinions of others should not be final, but consider them carefully.