Key #7: Consistency

Consistency is defined as "steadfast adherence to the same principles."

We have already learned six "key" principles we must follow in order to raise godly children. But it is not enough to just understand and be aware of these principles. We must consistently apply them - we must "steadfastly adhere" to them, and we must continually apply the "same principles" without variation. This applies to all six areas we have already discussed:

(1) We must consistently keep our purpose before us and take all actions with that purpose in mind: to raise our children to serve God.
(2) We must consistently plan our actions in harmony with God's word, and put our plan into action.
(3) We must consistently act in love for the whole family, making our decisions according to what is best for all.
(4) We must consistently instruct our children to know God's will.
(5) We must consistently use authority for the good of all, expecting obedience and respect from children.
(6) We must consistently motivate our children to obey us by means of proper, diligent application of punishments and rewards.

We are not saying to just be consistent, regardless of the principles you follow. It is possible to be consistently wrong! We must learn the right principles, then we must steadfastly adhere to them.

Lack of consistency is one of the biggest problems facing parents. We often fail, not because we do not know what to do, but because we are not diligent in applying consistently what we know.
Note some specific areas in which consistency is needed but is often lacking.

I. Consistency Between Parents

Both parents must "steadfastly adhere to the same principles." They must work together, not against one another.

A. Sometimes Father and Mother Disagree about Raising Children.

Sometimes they disagree about what rules the children should be required to follow or about how the children should be punished. They may even argue about matters like this in front of the child.

Typically, one parent is strict and the other is lenient. The lenient one thinks the child is being treated too harshly, so he/she compensates by being increasingly lenient to make up for the strictness of the other parent. The other parent sees this and reacts by being even stricter to make up for the leniency of the other spouse. It becomes a vicious circle in which the parents pull further and further apart.

The child is completely confused by this. One parent punishes him, while the other parent protects him. He doesn't know what the rules are. He has no sense of security, but becomes the pawn in a power struggle between the parents. But he soon learns to play the parents against one another. He goes to the parent who will let him have his way and uses that one to protect him from the other parent.

But the end result is the child really does not respect either parent. If they cannot decide the rules, why should he listen to them? Often great strife results within the family. And most tragically, the child does not grow up to learn the qualities of character that either parent wants him to learn.

B. The Bible Deals with This Problem.

A Bible example: Gen. 27.

Isaac determined to bless Esau, but Rebekah wanted the blessing to go to Jacob. Rebekah and Jacob deceived Isaac and cheated Esau of the blessing. The result was strife between Jacob and Esau so severe that Esau determined to kill Jacob, and Jacob had to flee from home.
1 Corinthians 14:33

God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. The result of such conflict between parents is sure to be strife, not peace. God is not the cause of it and does not approve it.
Matthew 12:25

A house divided against itself shall not stand. But a house is surely divided when parents are so inconsistent and disagreed about raising the children. It cannot possibly accomplish its real goals.
Ephesians 6:4

Parents should not provoke children to wrath. But such inconsistency between the parents invariably causes wrath and discouragement on the part of the child.

C. The Bible Solution

Communicate.
Go back to step #2 - planning. Discuss the matter between yourselves based on the principles of God's word.

Even before marriage, you should discuss your basic approach to child raising. If one of you is fundamentally more lenient than the other or if there are other fundamental disagreements, this needs to be discussed and an understanding reached. Otherwise, marry someone else.
As you raise the children, continually discuss the principles you will follow. Try to decide the rules you will follow even before the problem comes up. Then there will be no need to argue at the time of the problem.

Communicate with your companion about specific situations. If you give a rule to the children, tell your spouse about it so he/she will know; then the children cannot play you one against the other.

If you have a disagreement about how to handle a specific situation, don't argue about it in front of the child. The father and mother should go into another room for awhile to talk about it.
Follow the Bible plan for authority in the home.

Ephesians 5:22-25 - The husband is head of the family, but he must act in love according to what is best for the family. Let the parents discuss the matter. Let the wife express her view respectfully. If appropriate, let the children express their views. Then let the father make a decision.

When the decision is made, the whole family should accept and honor it unless it requires the wife or children to do something sinful (Acts 5:29). There should be no nagging, grumbling, or pouting. Specifically, the wife should submit to this decision with the same good will that she wants the children to submit to her authority.