D. Love Requires Giving & Self-sacrifice.

Giving of self is the essence of love.

Bible principles

John 3:16 - God so loved the world that He gave His only-begotten Son.

Ephesians 5:25 - Jesus loved the church and gave Himself for it.

1 John 3:14-18 - If you see your brother in need and don't give what is needed, you don't have love.

Romans 12:20 - Loving you enemy requires giving food and drink when needed.

A fundamental requirement of a good marriage is a willingness to give of ourselves for the good of others.

The decision to act properly and lovingly toward our spouse should not depend on how our spouse acts, let alone how a mood hits us. We must choose to give of ourselves, because it is good for others and pleasing to God.

This is fundamental to being unselfish. The selfish person doesn't want to give in or sacrifice.
They want to please themselves.

Giving and self-sacrifice is especially essential in solving conflict.

The fundamental lesson of Christ's love is to give up our own desires for the good of others, even when they are not acting the way we think they should.

In time of conflict, we say, "I'll do right or improve if he/she will too." If an act is beneficial for others, love requires us to do it regardless of what they are doing. If we have been wrong, love requires us to admit it, regardless of whether or not they have admitted their errors.

Even if we are convinced our spouse has caused a problem, we should ask ourselves honestly what we can do to help improve it.

This does not mean ignoring sin. Jesus did not cause our sin problem, and He did not compromise with sin. What He did was sacrifice Himself to provide a solution to the problem we caused. He did not just criticize our sin; He became involved to provide a solution. He did not do everything for us, but He made sure we had a way whereby we could overcome the problem.
A spouse may think, "He/she caused this problem, so let him/her solve it." Even if that is true, is it helpful? Instead think, "What can I offer to do - how can I become involved - so as to help resolve this problem?" Instead of saying, "Why don't you do this?" say, "Why don't you and I work on this together? What can I do to help?"

As long as neither spouse will take the first step toward a good marriage, the marriage can never be good. Each one must be committed to a good marriage. This requires us to give in at times where we wish we did not have to (assuming we do not sin). Each must be willing to sacrifice and give of themselves for the good of the marriage.

[1 John 4:9,19; Acts 20:35; Luke 10:25-37]

To improve your marriage, start with improving yourself.

If you are not married:

Make up your mind to marry only a person who will follow the Bible teaching about marriage. And then work to become the kind of person who will attract the kind of person you want to marry!

If you are a half-hearted Christian, halfheartedly involved in the church, practicing personal habits that are immoral or doubtful, do not expect to attract a faithful, dedicated Christian to marry! A dedicated Christian does not seek to marry a half-hearted Christian. To attract a faithful, dedicated Christian, you must be a faithful, dedicated Christian.

Likewise, if you have attitudes and habits that would hinder a good marriage, start now to change to become the kind of person who can work for a good marriage.

Likewise, if you are married:

If you are having problems in your marriage, do not expect your spouse to solve the problem. Begin by examining yourself! Most marriage problems result from faults on the part of both parties. Rarely is one person alone the whole cause of the problem.

1 Peter 3:1,2 - You cannot control what your spouse does. You can only control what you do. If you become what you should be, you will set the example to help your spouse become what he/she should be. Do not wait for them to change. Start doing all God says for you to do and you will have the best chance you can have for a good marriage.

Begin now to study the Bible teaching about the home, then conform your thoughts, words, and deed to that teaching. Become a faithful Christian and become the kind of person you need to be to have a Biblical marriage.

Differences we think we cannot tolerate should be resolved before marriage.
Some differences we may be able to live with. But if we know a person has a habit or characteristic that we find intolerable, especially if it is sinful, either resolve it before marriage or don't marry the person.

Do not marry a person thinking you will change them.

Often girls meet guys with immoral habits or disgusting characteristics and decide to reform them. People say women can twist men around their little finger. And women believe it.

Or men think, since they are the head of the family, the wife will have to change to please them. But even without being head of the family, women can make your life miserable a thousand different ways.

If you are convinced your partner must change in order to have a happy marriage, then the time to make this known and resolve it is before you marry them - better yet, before you even become seriously emotionally attached. Once you are married, you are committed for life, and no amount of wishful thinking can change that (Romans 7:2,3).

If a person has serious moral problems, don't try to change them by dating them.

Explain what it is that troubles you, and encourage them to work with stronger, older Christians of their own gender. Then distance yourself from the relationship, till they prove they will change by their own choice. They must change, not because you want them to change, but because God requires it and changing is the right thing to do. Otherwise, they may go through the motions of change just to please you, then revert after marriage. Or, you may become so emotionally attached that you marry them despite the problem, and then live to regret it.