II. Consistency Between Words and Deeds

Parents need to adhere steadfastly to the same principles both in what we do compared to what we say we will do. This is especially important in the rules we make and in how we enforce those rules.

A. Some Parents Make Threats or Promises They Do Not Keep.

We tell our children they must do certain things; but if they stall or manipulate or flat out rebel, we don't make them do it. We may threaten a punishment or offer a reward, but then we don't keep our word. "If you don't ..., I'm going to ..." (or "If you will ..., then I will..."). But we don't do what we said.

Some parents make ridiculous threats that everyone knows they don't intend to carry out (and if they did carry it out, it would be sinful). "If you don't do what I say, I'll break every bone in your body." Such threats may be made in humor, but often the parent appears to be quite serious and hopes the threat will lead the child to obey.

Such statements often occur when parents are trying to control children by threats and anger, instead of by action (consider our earlier discussion about "Motivation"). We need to consider whether it is right to threaten to do something that would be sinful if we did it. But we also need to consider whether it is right to make threats or promises that we do not keep and in many cases have no intention of keeping.

B. Bible Principles Involved

Hebrews 10:23 - God is our example of a perfect Father, and He is faithful to His promises. We are motivated to obey Him because we know He will always keep His word. If we could not trust Him to keep His promises, we would have little respect for Him and little reason to obey Him. Parents should be likewise faithful to their promises.

Romans 1:31 - Listed among those worthy of death are "covenant-breakers" (NKJV - "untrustworthy"). People who make promises they don't mean or who give their word but don't keep it, are covenant-breakers or untrustworthy. Note that this is true whether we promise to give a reward or a punishment.

James 5:12 - Let your yes be yes and your no, no. Do not lightly say you will do a thing. If you don't mean it, don't say it. If you say you'll do it, then do it. This is true of both your "yes" and your "no."

We tend to think we are obligated to give the rewards we promised our children, but it's OK to forget the promises of punishment. After all, the children don't want us to keep that kind of promise! But a promise is a promise, whether we promise a reward or a punishment. We must keep our promises; otherwise we are not being true to our word, and our children will not truly respect us.

Colossians 3:21 - Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Failure to keep their word is one way parents commonly provoke their children and discourage them. One time they keep a threat or promise they made, but the next time they do not keep their word. Children do not know whether or not to believe and trust such parents.

There are times when we make a poor decision and promise something, then later we realize it would be best for everyone if we change our mind. In that case, let us apologize for our mistake and explain our reason for changing. But don't lightly make threats or promises and do not lightly break them.