Sometimes a child misbehaves in public places, other people's homes, or in the presence of company. Disciplining him around other people may embarrass him, you, and the other people.
And in today's society so-called child advocates may harass you. But if you don't discipline the child, he soon learns he can misbehave around other people without consequences.
One solution is to call the child to you and inform him as privately as possible what you want (whisper, etc.). If firmer measures are needed, find or ask for a private room. (This could be a rest room, a bedroom, a car, etc.). Take the child there and proceed to discipline as you would at home. If he is old enough to understand, you may tell him you will discipline him when you get home.
Suppose a child is being noisy or otherwise disruptive during a church meeting. Some people think, if they take the child out, it will be embarrassing or will disturb others. But by not disciplining the child, they make matters worse because the child continues to disrupt other people.
When your child is distracting other people in worship assemblies, take him out and solve his problem. Then bring him back when he is under control so he will not distract others.
G. Never Offer a Child a Reward to Stop Misbehaving.
If he is already doing wrong, and you offer a reward to quit, then you have really rewarded and reinforced his misbehavior. Next time he wants that reward, he will misbehave hoping to receive the reward again.
Suppose you call Billy to come and he says, "No, I won't!" So you offer him candy if he'll come. What will happen next time you call him? He'll remember that, if he says "No," he may get some candy!
The time to offer a reward is before the child has done anything wrong, while you are asking him to do something good. Or just give him the reward after he did the good deed, but don't wait till he's already doing something wrong and then offer him a reward to quit.
H. Talk to the Child Before and After You Punish Him.
Discuss the incident. Explain why it was wrong and what the child should have done. After the punishment, make sure the child is sorry: make him say he's sorry and make him promise to do right next time. If he has refused to do something you told him to do, take him back and make him do it. Then be sure to tell the child you love him and you expect him to do better next time, etc. There are many advantages to this.
(1) It helps you keep calm.
(2) It makes sure the child understands why he is being punished and what you expect in the future.
(3) It helps him remember the lesson. You certainly have his attention, so it is an excellent time to instruct him.
(4) It enables you to assure him of your love and concern for what's best for him. You make sure he understands that you care about him, but you must not allow that kind of conduct.
(5) Often your talk will cause the child to feel bad just by the fact he knows he has disappointed you.
Gwendolyn Webb says to "make a spanking an event" (TUAC, pp. 168-170). She means don't just keep scolding a child and smacking him so the situation gets drug out repeatedly. Take him out, talk to him, give him a spanking, make him apologize and do what you told him, etc. Make it an event he will remember, so he is not likely to make the same error again.
Conclusion
Romans 11:22 - Therefore consider the goodness and severity of God: on those who fell, severity; but toward you, goodness, if you continue in His goodness.
God is a God of both rewards and punishments. He is our example of a good father. We should consider the principles He uses to motivate obedience and apply those principles in our homes according to the Scriptures.
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