By reason of experience, parents generally have more wisdom than children.
Proverbs 29:15 - A child left to himself (unsupervised) will cause shame. But the rod and reproof will give him wisdom (gained from the parents).
Proverbs 4:10-12 - Because of his parents' instructions, the child is wiser. He can avoid problems and mistakes he might otherwise have.
This gives children a sense of security.
Children generally know their parents are wiser than they are. They know they need guidance at times. They may act confident, but behind the false front they are often insecure. Parental guidance assures the child that he is doing what is best. As a result, children actually have greater respect for adults who enforce fair rules than they have for permissive parents.
To illustrate, consider driving a car across a bridge over a deep chasm. If there were no guardrails, we would be very fearful. With guardrails, we are confident, even though we may be just a few feet from the edge. So the limits set by parents give children security. They know their parents will not let them do anything that would be seriously harmful.
D. Authority Molds Children's Character and Habits.
Training children develops character they will maintain even when older.
Proverbs 22:6 - Properly trained children will not depart from their training even when they are old. We are people of habit. We live according to our character and habits.
If we train children to develop good character and habits, they will probably maintain those habits. But habits come by repetition. So parents should insist that children practice what is right till it becomes ingrained.
How can parents get children to practice and develop good habits?
Reasoning with children, by itself, will not always work, even if parents have a good relation with their children. Sometimes the child is simply too young or too rebellious to understand and appreciate our reasons (cf. 1 Cor. 13:11). But if we wait until he understands and agrees with what is right, it may be too late to ingrain the proper habits.
1 Samuel 2:22-25; 3:12,13 - Note that Eli told his sons they were wrong - he instructed them. But it wasn't enough. They still would not obey. God rejected Eli's house because Eli did not restrain his sons.
What was Eli missing? Authority! He did not properly enforce the rules so as to control his sons and require them to practice good habits and character. Proper control (restraint) will mold the child's conduct so that good qualities and habits will tend to stay with him even when he is mature.
E. Parental Authority Teaches Children Proper Attitudes toward All Authority.
Adults must regularly relate to all kinds of authority.
We discussed earlier that authority organizes people so they cooperate and work together. This is true in government, work, and the home. To become well-adjusted adults, children must learn how to relate to authority: how to submit to others who have authority, and how to exercise authority when they themselves have it.
If parents seek to prepare their children to be well-adjusted adults, we must teach them proper understanding and submission to authority. How can we accomplish this? The best way is by developing a proper authority relationship between our children and ourselves. This teaches children how to properly submit to authority, and they see by their parents' example how to properly use authority.
Many "psychologists" teach the opposite of this. They say use of authority makes children maladjusted, destroys their self-image, and makes them more likely to rebel against you. So parents become fearful and think, "I don't want my children to rebel and reject me," so we let them have their way. That is drivel! It is manipulation and emotional blackmail. God's word says just the opposite. Does He know best or doesn't He?
The main reason so many children today grow up rebellious and maladjusted is simply that they have not been properly required to submit to authority. They manipulate their parents, and the parents don't know what to do about it. They get away with rebelling against their parents, so they proceed to rebel against the whole "establishment": parents, government, employers, church, and God. Instead of teaching them submission, we have taught them rebellion by allowing it to apparently succeed.
The truth is that parents are the primary authorities that children must relate to for their first twenty or so years, and especially for their first five years. If parents do not teach their children to get along with parental authority - if they allow their children to manipulate them and get their own way against their parents' better judgment - most likely those children will always have difficulty relating to authority and will live a miserable life.
People must especially learn how to relate to the authority of God.
If children do not learn respect for God's authority while at home, likely they will never learn it.
Dr. James Dobson points out: "When a child can successfully defy his parents during his first fifteen years, laughing in their faces and stubbornly flouting their authority, he develops a natural contempt for them ..." The result is that they lose respect for all the parent stands for and believes in, including their religious faith (DTD, p. 12).
God Himself is an "authority figure." To receive eternal life, we must obey Him (Matt. 28:18-20; 7:21-27; Ecc. 12:13; Heb. 5:9; 1 Pet. 1:22; etc.). But if a child grows up without learning respect for authority - if he is permitted to rebel against his parents' restraints and get away with it - he will naturally rebel against God's limits and think he can get away with that!
This is exactly the point at which many Christian parents lose their children to the world. This is usually the "bottom line." If you do not restrain your children but let them manipulate you and evade your authority, they will most likely grow up to disrespect God and His will - just like Eli's sons did (1 Sam. 3:13). And God will hold you accountable, like he did Eli.
It follows that proper exercise of authority is not something the parents do to please themselves, but something they do for the good of the child. It teaches lessons that will benefit the child both now and for eternity. This is why use of authority is not contrary to love but is a proper exercise of love.
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