Key #6: Motivation - Punishments and Rewards

Parents would prefer that their children simply obey them without chastisement. But in practice this does not always happen. Often the child's will conflicts with that of the parent. Then, if the child is to learn respect for authority and do what we believe to be best for him, we must still get them to obey us. How can we lead a child to obey when he would rather not?

The answer is that parents must motivate the child to obey. Whatever reasons they have for not obeying, we must give them stronger reasons to obey! This is done by rewards and punishments. When the child obeys, we make him glad by giving him a pleasant experience.

When he disobeys, we make him sorry by giving an unpleasant experience. He eventually learns it is to his advantage to obey.

Psychologists call this "reinforcement." It is used in training animals. Obedience leads to a pleasant result; disobedience leads to an unpleasant result. We are dealing, not with animals, but with children who have intelligence and emotional needs. Above all they have a spirit in the image of God and will eventually receive an eternal destiny based on their conduct before God. This is why we already emphasized love and instruction. Nevertheless, the principles of rewards and punishments are useful and Scriptural.

Consider how these principles can be used in training children.

I. Spanking

Many child-rearing "authorities" oppose the use of spanking. Psychologist Linda Budd wrote that, if you spank your child, you should, "Apologize. Own up to your mistake" (via Greg Gwin, Good News, 5/28/95).

A. Spanking Is Taught in the Bible.

God's word commands parents to use spanking when needed.

Proverbs 22:15 - Foolishness is bound in a child's heart, but the rod drives it from him. Children naturally tend to do bad things at times. Parents must exercise authority and give their children rules. But all children, at times, will test those limits. Then punishment is needed to "restrain" them.

Proverbs 19:18 - Chasten the son while there is still hope. This is for his good. Children must be taught obedience while they are young, even before their reasoning ability matures. If you wait till later, they may be past "hope." [See also Prov. 29:15; 23:13.]
Proverbs 13:24 - One who does not spank his son, when it is needed, hates his son. One who loves his son will chasten him. God says spanking is not an act of hatred. On the contrary, properly done, spanking is an act of love, and those who deny the value of spanking are the ones who God says hate children.

The issue of spanking boils down to an issue of the authority of God and the inspiration of the Bible. A psychologist may question my intelligence. But when he challenges spanking, he is disagreeing, not with me, but with God. And God is smarter than all the psychologists put together!

Spanking is compared to God's punishment of his people - Hebrews 12:5-11.
God Himself compares His chastisement of people to earthly fathers who chasten their sons. God says that all fathers will chasten their children; otherwise it indicates that the child is illegitimate (vv 6-8)!

Further, this chastening is an act of love, not hatred (v6), because it results in good for the child (vv 10,11). Some claim that punishing children produces resentment and misunderstanding, causing them to hate and disrespect their parents. But God says that discipline leads the child to respect the father (v9).

It follows that, if parents should not punish children, then God should not punish evil men. But He does punish evil men, and no one is wiser than He is. He is our perfect example of a good Father.

Finally, note that this is a New Testament Scripture. Some people question our use of Old Testament Scripture on this subject; but here is a New Testament Scripture that teaches the same thing. In fact, vv 5,6 quote Proverbs 3:11f. God's teaching on this matter is the same today as it was in the Old Testament!

People who deny the value of spanking, therefore, are denying the wisdom and authority of God Himself. Some don't know this; others do it knowingly. But regardless, to oppose spanking is to directly attack the inspiration of the Bible and the infallibility of God. Parents must understand and appreciate the value of spanking, regardless of what any human "authority" may claim.
[Cf. Rev. 3:19; Deut. 8:5; 28:15; Ex. 7-12; 2 Thess. 1:8-10; etc.]