II. Rewards as a Form of Control

Some parents act as though controlling children is entirely a matter of punishment. They never give rewards and sometimes speak as though they think it is wrong to do so. But consider a Biblical defense of using rewards in raising children.

A. Rewards for Our Service Are Part of Life.

Luke 10:7 - The laborer is worthy of his wage, but lazy, negligent workers do not deserve to be rewarded. (See also Matt. 25:14-30; 20:1-15; James 5:4; 1 Cor. 9:6-14; 1 Tim. 5:17,18; Eph. 4:28; 2 Thess. 3:10).

Men do not work on a job simply for the fun of it. We rightly expect to be paid, and we rightly hope that the people who benefit from our labors will express appreciation.
Parents ought to prepare children to live on their own in the "real world," but when they are on their own they will expect rewards for their labor. Why should we not teach them this by rewarding them as they grow up?

Proverbs 27:2 - Let another man praise you and not your own lips. Children who are not praised may grow up bragging and showing off to get attention. When parents give proper praise, their children learn not to brag on themselves.

B. God Rewards People for Their Service.

Hebrews 11:6 - God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. He often rewarded Israel for their faithfulness (Deut. 28:1,2ff). The New Testament promises those who are faithful will receive all spiritual blessings in this life (Eph. 1:3) and eternal life at the Judgment (Rom. 8:14,17; 2:6-11).

God does not just punish evil, but He also rewards good. This has always been a fundamental part of the Divine nature. If we use the fact that God chastises us as proof we should chastise our children, then shouldn't we also imitate His example of rewarding good? Remember that God is our perfect example of a father. By using rewards as well as punishments, we help children understand the true nature of their Heavenly Father.

C. A Bible Example of Parental Rewards

Luke 15:20-24 - When the prodigal son repented and returned from sin, the father kissed him, rejoiced, and gave a feast in his honor.

One way to reward a child is by letting him work for physical things he wants: money or some item he wants. But this does not mean the child should be paid for everything he does. His parents are already providing him with food, clothes, shelter, etc. If the laborer is worthy of his reward, then the child already owes it to the parents to work in return for all that the parents do for the child! And especially in spiritual matters, children need to learn the value of deferring their reward till judgment day, not necessarily expecting immediate rewards for serving God.

Romans 13:7 - Give honor to whom honor is due. Another form of reward parents ought to emphasize is expressing appreciation and giving praise. This is simply a matter of showing gratitude. (Matt. 25:21)

The nature of the rewards should be a matter of the parents' good judgment. Use your ingenuity. Learn to watch for things your children want. When they ask, "May we do this or go there...," try responding, "If you'll do this work first, then you may." You may promise to read a book to the child after he picks up his toys. As children grow older, perhaps you can pay an allowance for special jobs he does.

The point is to give pleasant results to reward the child for doing good as well as giving unpleasant consequences for failing to do good.