How do we develop a good plan? Where do we go for guidance? Many people think it is impossible to know the best way to raise children. Is there a sure guide? Can we know the best way?
A. We Must Not Rely on Human Theories.
Many parents follow human authorities.
Many sources profess to offer parents advice, and many parents accept this advice: psychologists, sociologists, government officials, social agencies, and other child-raising experts.
Other parents just raise their children the way their own parents raised them. This may be done knowingly, but often it is done without thinking. We just naturally treat our children according to what we are familiar with - we act the way we saw our parents act. This amounts to accepting their own parents as the best authority for how to raise children.
Notice that these are all human authorities. Humans are fallible and often make mistakes, so it is reasonable that many of their theories do not work. This is especially true if our goal is to raise godly children.
Remember the Bible warnings about following human authority.
Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.
Jeremiah 10:23 - The way of man is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his own steps. No man is as wise as God, so no one by human wisdom alone can know how to please God. This includes all child-raising experts. If they don't follow God's guidance, they cannot tell us how to raise godly children.
1 Corinthians 1:19-21; 2:4,5 - In matters of godliness and righteousness, we must follow divine wisdom, not human wisdom. This does not mean human advice is always wrong. Sometimes people give advice that agrees with the Bible. But it is always wrong whenever it disagrees with the Bible.
Christians generally know we must not depart from God's pattern to follow human theories for worship, salvation, the church, etc. But raising children is a God-given command and obligation just as surely as are these other areas. When human ideas differ from God's word, we have no more right to follow them in raising children than in any of these other areas.
We are at war with forces of evil that lead people astray from God's will both in the church and in the home. We can no more defeat the forces of evil by following human wisdom in the home than we can in the church!
[Matthew 15:9,13; Galatians 1:8,9; 2 John 9-11; Colossians 3:17; Proverbs 3:5,6; Revelation 22:18,19; 1 Timothy 1:3; 2 Timothy 1:13]
B. The Bible Is God's Guide for Raising Godly Children.
2 Timothy 3:16,17 - Raising godly children is a good work, and the Scriptures instruct us in righteousness and equip us for good works.
Joshua 1:8 - Joshua prospered in the work God gave Him when he followed God's word, not departing from it to the right or left. Likewise we will prosper in the work God gives us if we follow His word.
The Scriptures often compare God's relationship to His children to a father's relationship to his earthly children (Matt. 7:9-11; Heb. 12:5-11). This is why the term "father" is used both for God and for an earthly parent. It follows that parents can learn many things about our role by observing the example of God our Father in His dealings with us. We will often use His example as a source of guidance in these studies.
Makers of cars and appliances provide their customers with operator's manuals to show how to use the equipment successfully. So the Maker of the family has given us a book of instructions for the family. Does it make sense to follow the ideas of fallible humans, rather than the wisdom of the all-wise God who created both us and families?
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. We do not need to be constantly confused about how to raise children. We can have the strength and guidance we need, but not through human wisdom. We must turn to Jesus.
[Deuteronomy 18:18-22; Psalm 19:7-9; 33:4; 119:128,142,160; John 17:17; Titus 1:2,3; Revelation 19:9; 21:5]
C. Observe and Learn from Winning Parents
While the Bible is the standard, other people who know and follow that standard can help us learn it.
Hebrews 6:12 - Imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.
Titus 2:3-5 - Older women should teach the younger women how to love their children and be homemakers.
Years ago Karen and I observed that many parents were glad to advise us how to raise our children. But we saw very few - even very few Christians - who themselves were doing a really good job with their own children. Many will say that you are too strict, that spanking won't work, that you should conform to the choices others make about how to educate children, etc.
So before you accept advice, evaluate it by God's standard. And then ask how successful these givers of advice have been with their own children. Are their children obedient and respectful? Do their children know God's will, become Christians when they become accountable, and live faithful Christian lives? In short, do you see evidence that their children are turning out the way you want yours to?
The parents to imitate are those who are successful, not those who fail!
D. Father and Mother Should Discuss Their Plan and Agree.
Both the father and the mother must be involved in raising the children.
Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers are told to bring up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1 - Children should be obedient to both parents.
Proverbs 1:8 - Mothers also have authority over their children.
To achieve their goal as parents and to avoid provoking children to discouragement, the father and mother must work together. Family rules must be consistent. This requires discussion and agreement.
The best time to make these plans is before problems arise. A couple should discuss their principles and beliefs about child raising even before they marry. Then they should continue to talk about what their rules will be and how they will handle problems. Then when specific problems arise, they can handle them quickly and confidently.
E. The Plan Must Be Accompanied by Prayer.
It is not enough just to recognize that the Bible is God's will. We must study and use its teachings as the basis for our plan for raising children. And we must pray diligently for wisdom and for God's blessings on our plans.
James 1:5 - We need to pray for wisdom. This wisdom will come as we study God's word. But we must diligently pray that we will be able to apply His word properly for the good of our children. [Heb. 5:14]
1 Chronicles 29:19 - David prayed for God to give his son Solomon a loyal heart to keep God's commandments. We should imitate this practice: Pray for each of your children each day by name, and ask God to strengthen them.
A young man who had gotten into serious trouble was asked about his upbringing. One thing he said was, "I can't remember ever hearing my parents pray for me."
You can learn from my mistake here. All my married life I have prayed every day for my wife and each of my children by name, but I never named them when I led a prayer in their presence. Your children need and deserve your prayers, and they need to know you name them in prayer.
Paul prayed diligently for other Christians and told them he was praying for them. Surely our children deserve at least that much from us.
Do you have a plan for raising your children, a plan based on God's word and prayer?
Conclusion
Too many parents let their own children manipulate them. "I just don't know what to do with them." We need to learn to out-think our children. Our duty as parents requires us to study God's word and apply it so we know how to raise godly children.
The Devil often defeats us, not because it is impossible for us to defeat him, but because we are not fighting him effectively. We either are not aware of the danger, or else we are simply too indifferent to fight. By the time we realize our mistake, it is often too late. But we can win the battle, if we follow God's will and prayerfully develop a plan based on the principles it teaches.
For each child, you only have one chance to raise him/her properly, and that opportunity will so quickly be gone. When one is almost grown, it is too late to go back and start over if you haven't done it right. To succeed, we need a plan based, not on human wisdom, but on prayerful study and application of God's will.
Do you have a plan for raising your children? Is your plan based on God's word? How often do you discuss with your spouse the principles on which you act? How diligent are you in your effort to fight Satan and his evil influences on your children?
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